Today is not a good day for me, I woke up this morning and I can't find our pet cat, Baby.
I went to bed last night because she never came out of her hiding spots, so I thought she went to my room or slept in the hallway. She's not in any of them places. I look out front she's not there, I looked out in the back, she's not there either. I check the garage, she's not there. We have so much fucking stuff in my parents house I'm really angry at them mainly my mom because she has to be the one to buy so much fucking stuff and she's not using all of it.
I love my mom but she's just as bad as my grandmother they we're nothing but hoarders.
I'm worried that Baby might be under that pile of junk, she couldn't get out so I'm worried she might had died in that pile of junk. If that's the case, I'm gonna be so upset and angry towards my parents because time after time they said they wanted the basement cleaned out. I have volunteer time after time to get started on the cleaning but my parents are too damn old, they don't have the energy to even try to clean out the house.
My mom all she fucking do in this house is knitting, croquet and watch knitting tutorials on You Tube. She's been retired for years plus she got hurt on her fucking job with the US Postal Services (I'm sorry but I don't fucking like the US Postal because of all the bullshit I heard what they did to my mom and I really don't like them for it.) My dad he's still working he's gonna retired within the next year I don't know when that's gonna be I don't want to wait till he's retired to get my room or clean out that basement and garage. If they would told me or made me in charge of cleaning this house of mines out, I would called 1-800-Got-Junk and have all their stuff removed. I don't care about my mom's yarn and needles, my dad he can keep his punchbag because the way I'm feeling right now, I'll need it.
I'm so hurt and angry right now that I'm just tired of the way I'm living with my parents. I already moved out of their house 3x I don't want to move out again but they way we're living in this house with too much stuff I don't know if I wanna live here anymore. I do believe Baby my cat might have died last night because it's too much stuff in this house she might had crawled up in a closed place, she can't breathe through the stuff so the Good Lord just took her home. I will be grieving for awhile before I accept that I actual have a cat that I love dead. My first cat Mary, she didn't die, I had to gave her up for adoption because I wasn't taking care of her. I was a fucking young adult, I was out of high school graduated, I had to find a job because I didn't want my parents paying for everything I want. I want to be a woman and earn what I want on my own.
If we can't find Baby, oh I do want another cat but this time, I want her or him to start out as a kitten. Baby was a full grown adult cat and she love us instantly when we took care of her. Mainly me, my mom and my brothers, my dad isn't a cat person so he didn't have to take care of Baby. I understand that. I'm praying we find her but I already know she's gone home to our Lord because she was just fine yesterday, I got the chance to pet her, she laid next to me like she does. She was cleaning herself I mean that girl was just enjoying her Memorial Day, until now today, I can't find her and I'm worried about her. She's not just a pet to me, any of my fallen pets are not just pets they we're friends to me. Baby I loved her so much because when I came home from work and my mom let's upstairs, she would be laying in my bed waiting for me then she comes over to greet me with a meow and she rubs against my legs meowing "Hello" to me. (I don't speak cats so I really don't know what she's saying)
Listen, I still love my parents but I don't believe too much on what they tell me what they
want to do anymore. I just need to see what happens for now on, I don't need them telling me anything or what they want to do anymore because I just don't believe them. Specially my dad, he lies to us too much throughout my life and I just don't believe what he tells me anymore specially from past bullshit mistakes he made on me and my mom. Trust me being divorce once for cheating on my mom does have something to do with how I do feel about him. And he still talks to the bitch he's cheated on my mom with. She's living in my grandmother's house for over 2 years. He could had found someone else to take care of my grandma's house if he needed the money so badly to pay off the finances. This is why I have inner demons inside me, because of the past bullshit I been through with my parents, the people they met that I had to be nice too. My mom's friends I like them more than my dad's friends because they didn't steal my parents away from me or mom didn't have to cheat on my dad. Again he cheated on her while they was married. I was angry with my dad for the cheating thing because he hurt my mom so much emotionally with it.
All the past damages that happen to me with my family, I'm re-living them everyday all because my cat is dead somewhere in my house. The same house I'm living in when my grandfather died, I was living here. I told my mom I didn't want my grandfather staying here because I didn't want to see him died here. That would really hurt me, she kept him here to honor my grandmother's wishes. Now she dies at my aunt's house and my aunt has to live with it. My parents don't know but how I'm feeling about all those events, I don't know if I wanna stay living in this house with them because I really can't take this pain anymore.
I'm tired of it, my parents really made a lot of poor choices in their lives and they want me to not make any poor decisions either. Well I don't need them to tell me that because they made enough poor decisions so I don't need their advice about that. They can't get a job done in a house that could lead to our death so why do they wanna tell me to be careful in life. How about you don't play mind games with me. If you gonna do something, just go do it. Stop letting things distract you. Just go and do it.
Baby, I hope we do find you my dear cat because if I do have to bury you, it might be in the backyard. Sorry parents I'm doing it on my own terms not gonna ask you guys for any permission to do it because just like you kept saying to me you want to clean the basement and garage out but kept putting it off, well this I won't put off anymore.
For now, Baby the cat (Sunrise - Unknown to Sunset 6/1/2021)
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2 years, 10 months ago
01 Jun 2021 18:43 CEST
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