Just wanted to clear up what's been going on with me lately if anyone was wondering. probably not lol but whatever
It's been a very shitty year. Actually it has been very shitty for a few years now but let's skip the cockroach-farming neighbor, mom almost bleeding to death because of soulless paramedics and a cruel incel who played with my feelings for years. It was in the infamous 2020 that things went downhill quickly.
Mom and I have been busy repeatedly rescuing that piece of shit of a "brother", a manipulative egocentric, born hedonist addicted all his life to almost anything you can think of, including bringing homeless whores to mom's apartment because "only addicts can understand him". He has no regrets and no intention to change and blames everything on people who always helped him. We even forced him to live with us for a month, he was constantly pissed off, playing games all day and sneaking out to drink and getting aggressive when asked about it.
Lies, secrets and delusions mix in the rotten mind, there is no reasoning with him and no way to reverse it. All they teach in rehab how to tell everyone "you'll never even begin understand an addict" in a condescending tone and where to find junkie whores who feel sorry for the poor child with his "own" apartment.
He was found passed out next to his car with some skinny dog that had been shitting and pissing all over "his" home because a whore who lost rights to 4 kids brought it with her and neither of them didn't care to walk or feed it (but he did bother to kick it)
After that his friend gave up on saving his life and when we wanted to let him rot he threatened to kill himself so another friend took him to the loony bin, not without having to beat him up first in self defence. What do these people see in him?
We also have to pay all his bills while he's broke and hope that he starts paying back before we run out of savings. We paid for having antabuse sewn in his ass cheek and he went to another rehab, basically vacation, now he's back supposedly trying to get back to work but the lies are starting again. This time we're not getting emotionally manipulated cause now he's nothing more to us than a problematic tenant.
In addition, my country is in deep crisis I won't even begin describe because people in the first world often say "oh it's the same here" and it's so annoying. Nobody knows cause the entire internet only cares about America, especially furaffinity's staff.
So thanks to all this my health was getting worse but collapsed entirely last spring, when I got symptoms of an autoimmune something. The massive number of tests and doctor visits needed for this unspecific problem is beyond my budget so I didn't bother, even though my doctor insisted to check my hormones. I had completely dry eyes, had to use drops every 2 minutes plus a mixed infection and a big hordeolum that made me rub it and damage the cornea. In the summer the damaged eye started going lazy and I wore an eyepatch for a while to exercise it.
My blood test showed no signs of inflammation or artritis. Only a high esr, which tells nothing about the permanent fatigue, back pain, weird hot flashes all night. I've been unfocused and always sleepy, forgetting or putting things away for later. The whole body ached and all I looked forward to was going to bed. Any wrong move resulted in an injury and huge swelling. At some point I was limping and an arm pain kept me up all nights.
Good news is that it's slowly getting better. Eyes are dry but they have healed without scars that would blur my vision. The brain fog is going away. I'm still weak and slow, I'd like to browse some art, comment on stuff, ask friends how they're doing but with a stupid brain I don't know what to say. There are definitely more good days than bad ones now.
Still gotta deal with the knee and torn shoulder rotator that thankfully aren't grotesque baloons anymore. After 8 months it's finallybecoming less painful. I force myself to be active again and not sleep during the day.
I won't let that dipshit suck the life out of me ever again (because it's not the first time) and I'll be able to draw and go outside as much as I want and just enjoy life.
Okay that would be enough about me for the decade! I hate writing journals about myself, it feels like it makes me look self-centered and like I'm making up excuses for being lazy.
I seriously hope you all are doing at least a million times better than me, my lil' sickos, I hope you get more good news in your lives every day <3
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3 years, 1 month ago
14 Apr 2021 15:55 CEST
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