Regarding "MILF" by MeganBryar < Journal | Inkbunny, the Furry Art Community

4 years, 7 months ago

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Oh I'm sorry! D: I didn't know! Never crossed my mind that someone might find the term bad in some way. I've only ever meant it in a positive sense.

... In fact I'm still a little confused why you don't like it? :S

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ JayJayTheKitty

You don't need to apologize. Like I said, I think people mostly do mean it positively. I suppose the thing that bothers me is because it's the explicit sexualization of older women, reducing the object of the term to someone you want to fuck. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it these days, but I just don't like the idea that someone might see me, or Megan, as an object of lust above all else.

JayJayTheKitty

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ MeganBryar

I mean... shouldn't that just be expected? It's a little hard to glean anything more than the superficial from a picture.

And why is that even a bad thing? For one, it's just a more crass way of saying "you're pretty." For another, 'desirable for intercourse' is, like, a high compliment. Because that's the ultimate goal of every organism from the smallest bug to the blue whale: fucking and making babies.

Moreover, it's generally accepted that once you've achieved that goal, an individual's attractiveness tends to go down. You've won the race, so why keep racing? Due to a lack of a need for personal upkeep because now you have a new goal: ensure the young survive and have a good future. Raising kids is a horrible experience from what I've heard. Obviously, it's worth it in the end, but man does that journey suck all of the ass.

And despite this. Despite being a more mature female that's been raising kids that woman is a MILF. A mother I'd like to fuck.

Personally, I view the term as the highest of compliments. Though I shall do my utmost to reframe from using it in the future. If I do ever use it, it is because I am very forgetful and it's not out of malice. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ JayJayTheKitty

See, it's the "I'd like to fuck" part that bothers me. It's a term that doesn't say to me "person I want to have a relationship with/get to know" but rather "sex object I want to use for my own gratification". Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy people like Megan, and I certainly don't mind if people find her sexually attractive. I just don't care for the term, or for the fact that, these days, it seems like the only term people want to use to describe me. Once in a while might be different, but when it's the only term you get, it's a little grating.

Like I've said elsewhere in this thread, it could just be my particular hang-ups. And I don't mean to shame anyone for the language that they use, or for the terms they wish to apply to themselves or their characters. And I do understand that most people use it in a complimentary fashion, or at least intend to. It just don't care for it, and I appreciate your consideration and your willingness to talk to me about it. And I'm not gonna bite your head off if you forget and call me that, either. This isn't meant as an angry post, just a little, gentle request.

JayJayTheKitty

4 years, 7 months ago

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Edited 4 years, 7 months ago by Owner

@ MeganBryar

I'm pretty sure no one means it literally. If I was presented with an anthro rabbit IRL there's going to be a few other things on my mind first. Like, holy shit, it's a giant fucking rabbit, and, I have so many questions, and, how much acid am I on?

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ JayJayTheKitty

Perhaps. Just chalk it up to me being a touchy bitch.

And I take it you haven't met my good friend Harvey?

JayJayTheKitty

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ MeganBryar

You can get touchy with me as much as you want, Feetstress. ;3

God, I haven't seen that movie in years. <3

MadelynClouseau

4 years, 7 months ago

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People like to throw around lewd or derogatory nicknames like that without thinking them through or considering them a compliment x.x It really is quite rude.

D: You shouldn't bite your tongue about it though give it to people straight! >:U

Never let peeps call you what you don't wanna be called! D:

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ MadelynClouseau

I'm not normally one to pussyfoot around issues like this, but I'm trying to be fair here because I do think most people mean it as a compliment and aren't meaning to offend me. And it could be I'm overly sensitive to this issue, or over-thinking it. I'm not trying to be mean or pick a fight, just to ask people, gently, to understand where I'm coming from.

max201451

4 years, 7 months ago

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wait hold on auntie are you a mum?

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ max201451

Not in real life. Megan has a daughter, but she's strictly fictional.

max201451

4 years, 7 months ago

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Edited 4 years, 7 months ago by Owner

@ MeganBryar

alright for you i don't know why people would call you one unless they didn't know. as for your character megan i dont think telling people not to call her a milf when in fact she counts as one simply due to the fact that she is really sexy and well people would like to get in bed with her (so to speak) will do anything more then simply make things worse on that front due to the fact that if you tell someone not to do something that's EXACTLY what their gonna do.

max201451

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ max201451

there's a name for it but i can't remember what its called.

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ max201451

Maybe some people will, but I see no reason to keep quiet about something just because of what people might do. Nobody ever got anywhere that way.

max201451

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ MeganBryar

fair enough i suppose.

GraceTheGoldenFurred

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ max201451

It's called "being an asshole". She's asked people nicely and not been rude to anyone. If someone can't respect her wishes, they can get fucked.

Neill

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ GraceTheGoldenFurred

The Golden Queen has spoken! >:3

max201451

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ GraceTheGoldenFurred

first off hey grace. second no i was talking about... christ i forgot what it was called. its called something effect. south part did a whole ep about it and it turn into a freaking godzilla parody near the end.

GraceTheGoldenFurred

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ max201451

Are you talking about the Streisand Effect? Because I hardly think saying "please don't call me this" is equal to throwing a shit-fit and threatening to sue people for ridiculous reasons. Megan hasn't made a scene or been rude, she's just asked people not to use a certain term to describe her. I don't think that's unreasonable of her.

max201451

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ GraceTheGoldenFurred

sorry it just came to mind you know. on a separate note how is life treating you grace?

SophieHawthorn

4 years, 7 months ago

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okay i undertsand hun, your still an amazing lady and i bet you're incredibly beautiful i know your sona is, you're very kind from the few convo's we've had tbh i think the world of ya

bulletcrow

4 years, 7 months ago

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It's always seemed like a rude term to me. I don't blame you.

When I first heard it, I thought is was outrageous, and that seemed to be the amusement value of the term for some. But now, I think it's been used so much that it's lost any shock value.

Otlan

4 years, 7 months ago

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No offense meant if I ever used this term. I consider you a dear friend Hon and would never purposuly do anything to hurt your feelings or offend you. If I ever say something you don't like, don't hesitate to call me on it n_n .

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ Otlan

*Hugs* I know you wouldn't sweetie, and I don't think most of the people who use it mean to to be an insult, either. Several of them are actually really good friends. I didn't post this to upset anyone or make anyone feel bad, and I hope people won't. It's just something that's been on my mind as it has been happening more and more frequently over the last few years. But you've always been a dear friend, and nothing but kind to me, and I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. I honestly didn't mean to.

Otlan

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ MeganBryar

*Hugs tight and nuzzles, kissing your cheek* You didn't make me feel bad at all XD ! No need to Aplogize Hon n_n <3 . And if it dose bother you, then ya, you should say something about it n_n .

ZaiksMcKraven

4 years, 7 months ago

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I am also sorry.
Dunno what to say.

Then. You are a WILF! Woman I like to... you know ;)

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ ZaiksMcKraven

*Hugs* Please don't apologize. I don't mean to be rude or upset anyone, and you've always been so sweet to me. It's just one of my funky little pet peeves is all.

And even though I know it's not the same as it would be if we could meet in real life, I do kind of like "friend". You've always been a wonderful friend to me, and that really does mean a lot.

Neill

4 years, 7 months ago

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I think Sex and the City coined that term. Reason enough to reject it, that series is hot garbage.

nanokoex

4 years, 7 months ago

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I was under the impression that only friends say that to one another, and even then rarely

wollypegger

4 years, 7 months ago

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I'd never use that term to describe anyone in real life because I consider the term derogatory.

SentinelX

4 years, 7 months ago

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Obviously this situation requires something that spans more than one syllable.

Hot Momma it is then.

MviluUatusun

4 years, 7 months ago

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Thank goodness I never use that term. I probably wouldn't use it even if the woman asked me to think of her that way. I like to think I've got enough respect for people in general and women in particular to use a term that might possibly be offensive to said person. (Of course, these days, it really isn't easy to know what someone might find offensive.)

ertis

4 years, 7 months ago

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Never liked the term milf in the first place so you never have to worry about me saying it <3
But you will need to worry about be calling her sexy, cutie, hottie and "HELLO NURSE!!!!" :P
I had to throw in that reference <3

GratitudeAdvocate

4 years, 7 months ago

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MILF and DILF are both very sophomoric terms, imo... more power to you for standing thy ground! :3

Killereye

4 years, 7 months ago

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♀ Checks all MILF boxes. ← I don't think of them as MILF to begin with. Still have lewd fantasies tho'...~☺
♀ Checks all MILF boxes AND refferes Herself as a MILF← I call them a MILF! ~♥

I asked my brain about Megan. The honest answer is: She's mainly "Bunbun" to me...commonly with lewd affixes! ~♥

Lobunni

4 years, 7 months ago

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If I ever used that term to describe your characters I'm sorry! And I will not use it in the future. nwn

Dacky

4 years, 7 months ago

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Megan, I just wanted to comment to say that I'm very glad you decided to not bite your tongue any longer on this. I know first-hand that it can be extremely difficult to correct someone on language that they didn't use with malicious intent, and it's an uncomfortable position to be in.

I've had to do the same when correcting people who use fetishizing terms for transgender people towards me and my characters, such as "cboy". I'm not the only trans person who has struggled with this. You are not reading too much into it, although I understand sometimes it's easier to convince yourself that you are rather than possibly risk hurting people's feelings.

Establishing boundaries is a wonderful and healthy thing, and anyone who would get mad at you over this is projecting their own issues and insecurities onto you. I think you're an inspirational woman to love yourself enough to set these boundaries.

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ Dacky

Thank you so much for the kind words and support. I kind of feel bad even bringing it up because people have been so kind, and because there are much more important issues to address in this arena, too. The whole "c-boy" thing and other such language that fetishizes and degrades trans folk is a hugely important issue for me as well, and I hope that, at least, people are willing to respect your requests not to use such terms in regards to you. I'll admit I'm probably not as educated in such matters as I ought to be, so please don't ever be afraid to correct me on terms/language if necessary, and I hope the day comes, soon, when everyone is treated with the kindness and respect they deserve. And you're pretty darn inspirational yourself, as well as being so kind!

corgblam

4 years, 7 months ago

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I mean no offense, but you're on a porn site. Expect porn terms to be used.

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ corgblam

I've already said I don't expect people to stop using the term in general. However, I don't think that it's unreasonable to ask people to be courteous and respect boundaries even on a site like this.

GraceTheGoldenFurred

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ corgblam

Posting to a porn site does not mean we surrender our right to be treated with a shred of human dignity. It costs nothing to be courteous to each other or respect each others' boundaries.

Kit7tiin

4 years, 7 months ago

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I personally am very, very fond of the body type typically associated with that term/acronym (tbh, mostly as a template for what I wish I could be like at this stage of my life [Gender Dysphoria SUCKS] ), but ... YEAH ... "M.I.L.F." is an EXTREMELY problematic label.

For one, it suggests that the person you would "Like to Fuck" already has at least one child, and thus is, or was, already involved in a sexual relationship. (Or, has a body type that seems preemptively built for the task of Motherhood)

Second, like all such terms, it identifies the individual as an objecified Target for sexual lust, rather than a person.

I am honestly very Torn on the existence of the label. I fully admit to using it for keyword searches to find art and characters that I love.

Motherhood is a beautiful thing, and I don't think it is necessarily fully a BAD thing to acknowledge that the physical changes that occur in a woman after bearing children can often make them aesthetically beautiful in a new way, as well as more conceptually beautiful for bearing the telltale signs of motherhood, telling a story of their life and personality through their body, grooming and dress.

... but the term is "... like to FUCK", not " Is beautuful for being a Mother".

I adore, admire and am even jealous of individuals whom are of the type and aesthetic typically associated with that label ... but the phrasing of the label acronym is very, VERY inappropriate and really not welcome if presented as a 'compliment' At All.

Honestly, a better word or term to identify the Beauty of a female whom has embraced Motherhood is sorely needed. One that is more celebratory than objectifying.

... HMMM ...

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ Kit7tiin

You've articulated my issue with the term far better than I could, thank you.

I have no problem with people finding mothers and/or older women sexually appealing. Hell, I find pregnant women absolutely gorgeous, and now that I'm pushing into my 40s I'm happy to know that there are still people who might possibly find me attractive, too. But it is the "I'd like to fuck" part that bothers me. Being seen as an attractive person is one thing, but being seen as purely an object of blind lust is quite another.

To be fair, I think most of the people who have used in describing me meant it as a compliment and most likely didn't even give it a second thought. It does seem to have become a sort of accepted term for sexually attractive older or motherly women. And I wouldn't be at all surprised if there are people who fully embrace it as a term with which to describe themselves. I'm not looking to shame anyone, or even insist they never use the term again. The labels people adopt for themselves are not my business. But I do wish there was a better term, all the same.

Thank you for the kind words.

Dontamure

4 years, 7 months ago

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.....milf = mother inna lovely form.....waz updated a good bit back, love....he-he-he-hyuk.....

DollyCloudy

4 years, 7 months ago

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is it okey to still see you as the sweet old lady in the store who calls me honey?

MeganBryar

4 years, 7 months ago

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@ DollyCloudy

Hah, well I don't know about sweet, and I'm only 42, but sure, if you like.

Vinylshadow

4 years, 7 months ago

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Time to popularize MILC

Mother I'd Love to Cuddle

Bonus points of also appealing to the lactation crowd?

...

...but yeah, a lot of words get overused and lose meaning, especially for sexualizing something - a lot of characters people call MILF aren't even mothers - they're just (usually) over 30 and have some plump ("thicc"/"curves") to them

Never hurts to draw the line at how people view your characters though, so speak up if it happens

AlexanderValentine

4 years, 7 months ago

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I definitely need to make an Acronym just for all the love I want to share with the best Mamabun ever.

Karmandel

4 years, 2 months ago

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(This comes very late, but I was cleaning out old notifications today and thought it still deserved a reaction).

So maybe "MILF" is a fetish term now, and aligned with an admiration of the changes in a woman's body that come with age and motherhood -- but I formed a dislike for it early on, when it was more used to express male surprise that a woman could "come back" after childbirth and conform to male desires again. (The whole "exception that proves/tests the rule" thing: when people point out that a specific mother is sexually desirable, it shows that there is a norm that mothers in general are not). As such, it's a perfect example of how demeaning to women our cultural norms are.

(Now for the silly part -- we are discussing this on a site where 50 percent of the heterosexual sex acts depicted seem to involve girl cubs far below the age of puberty (much less consent) and half of those seem to include a fertilization insert, so a little stick of an 8yo can be a MILF. But your point about using the term in RL is no less valid for that, of course).

MeganBryar

4 years, 2 months ago

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@ Karmandel

You've phrased things far better than I could have. It's a term that, I suppose, we're stuck with, at least for the time being, and as I've said, if it's a term someone wishes to apply to themselves, I'm not going to give them grief for it. But it's not one that sits well with me at all.

Ha, and yeah, I suppose that's true. This can be a rather weird site when you think about it. But that's why I love it.

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