Where I've Been
It's been almost a year since my troubles began, and it's taken me a long time to claw my way through it. I've been uncommunicative, late, unproductive, and I've been ghosting. I'm sorry about that. There really isn't any excuse I can give for unanswered PMs and messages. I fucked up bad and in the worst way, silently and by myself. I should have let people know what was going on, and I should have gotten out of this situation way before it got this bad.
The truth is that I got way in over my head. I let things pile up around me and I kept saying to myself, I just need to work harder and I'll climb out. If only I put in a few extra hours, work a little more efficiently, push the scale a little further from mental health and a little closer to burnout that I'll get out of it, but the harder I tried, the further behind I got.
When I started doing art full time three years ago, I was chasing a life dream, and I made it work for three years, but every month was harder than the last, was a closer call, got me further in debt and further behind in my art queue. I developed a reputation for being unreliable and slow, and that's absolutely, fully, one hundred percent deserved. But eventually I hit a breaking point, about six months ago, when I recognized and came to turns with the fact that I had failed as a freelancer and I was going to have to do something else.
Where I'm At
Six months ago I signed on with a truck driving school. It's been a long hard road, but I'm headed out on my first trip tomorrow as a professional driver. For the first time in three years, I'll be able to divorce my art from my income. My drawing time will be more limited, because I'll only be able to draw in hours when I'm not driving, and only after I've saved up enough for a device I can carry with me in the tractor-trailer. But I won't need to take on any new commissions and will be able to focus on catching up.
Where I'm Going
With my home and my food and everything else covered by the income from my new career, I'll finally be empowered to fix my mistakes. I can't erase them, but I can make things right. Please, if I still owe you art, reach out to me and let me refund you fully, now that I'm able. I won't rest until I've got a clean slate and I've made it right for everyone who's been so patient with me, even when I was too broken and cowardly to respond to messages with empty hands.
Where I'm Going (pt 2)
When my slate is clean, I'll be able to focus on drawing for me, even though I'll have less drawing time available overall. This means pursuing larger projects like comics and animations, developing my characters, and honing my skills by pushing myself into unfamiliar styles for sketching and colors to learn new tricks.
I hope you'll stick with me, even though I've been a real dunderhead, and help me make things right, now that I'm able to.
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4 years, 1 month ago
09 Nov 2020 02:22 CET
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