This is a long one.
Every so often, I'll get a comment by someone asking me a question, incredulously. Something to the effect of "Why are there so goddamn many words, why does nobody shut up in your art, fuck?!"
The answer is twofold:
- I like strategically using words to push kink buttons
- It's part of a larger strategy
I wanna talk about that second one today. So, it's no secret that most of the people I serve are men. Primarily cis men, all over the preferential rainbow. Now, maybe women share parts of what I'm about to talk about, but I can't speak to that experience, so I will stick to men. The thing about men is that we typically have very strong sexual feelings, but our environment- the way society treats those feelings- is problematic. Not 'twitter problematic;' I mean actually a problem for us developmentally! The two main reactions that we have for Kinks specifically and Sexuality in general are:
😲 "Oh my goodness!! This is so bad! This is against God! This is Problematic! You must be ashamed. You must stop this- or at least cover it up and pretend it doesn't happen!"
This approach doesn't work. Period. We hate being shamed. We hate feeling like criminals for something we didn't choose. Some men who don't feel strong sexual urges- or are lying to themselves and others for clout- will jump on this bandwagon and spread misandrist misconceptions, and ultimately it just furthers the divide. The fact of the matter is, any man onboard with this philosophy has either never had to deal with these feelings (probably on the Ace spectrum), or they're a lying wolf in sheep's clothing, and usually an abuser of some kind.
Then there's the other reaction:
😎 "Fuck all those soy cuckboys and their bitch handlers, do whatever you want because nothing matters! Don't care about anything! Being an asshole is cool!"
This approach... also doesn't work, for the same shortsighted reasons. It's a short term plan with no lasting power, a way to attract all the worst people to yourself and realize that, yeah, actually, you do care about some things. It's a self destructive philosophy- one that appeals very much to men on the Autism spectrum, because it offers an explanation for their failed social dealings that doesn't require any kind of introspection or work.
For how different these two approaches are, they share one thing in common: They are Reactionary. They come from an emotional reaction (Shame in the first, Anger in the second), and form a pseudo-philosophy based on those feelings. They're based, in so many ways, on ignorance.
So my approach is enlightenment. An understanding of one's self and one's relation to their sexuality, kinks, and relationships to other people that isn't loaded or based on an emotional reaction. That's why a lot of my dialogue is explicit- not just sexually, but ideologically. I try to point out, using cartooning, the ways in which these things appeal to us. The reasons why we feel certain things are hot, how and why those things are or aren't compatible with real life, and most of all, how to feel comfortable enjoying content that might make others squeamish, without resorting to Shame or Anger. How underage girls are pressured by industries that want to sell them beauty products. How boys often have sexual feelings far before they know what to do with them, simultaneously craving independence and protection. How a lot of us have been given very unrealistic and frankly silly sexist caricatures to idolize in our fantasies, and how despite the fact that it's too late not to be attracted to them, we can separate our intellectual selves from our enjoyment of those fictional entities they always were.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
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3 years, 6 months ago
21 Oct 2020 13:07 CEST
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