Just a fair warning before you start reading, this is a serious journal, and I'm writing it simply to express my thoughts somewhere. I welcome comments but I'm not asking for them. I was never sexually molested or raped, but even so, recently I had to relive some very painful memories involving merciless bullying in elementary and middle school, by students, teachers, and for a few years even back at home. It felt like there was just no escape, and the only solution that I was offered in the end were anti-depressants.
Recently, my good friend Ursapater had mentioned that sometimes a person who had been sexually assaulted would write stories of rape and abuse as a means of personal therapy, whether consciously or subconsciously, since in stories or art, the events that take place, and the environment are all completely controlled by the artist, and even if the events resemble or mimic those bad memories, that the fact that they take place in a controlled fictional environment makes all the difference.
You may have noticed if you've read my stories, that my rapists are all much stronger than their victims, who all tend to be a weaker being, such as a cub--they're all bullies, and those are the only kinds of rapists that interest me, and I prefer the victim to be helpless with no chance of escape. I gotta wonder, are these stories helping me to cope with my past? Is that why they appeal to me so much? If I'm doing this for therapy, I'm certainly not doing it consciously, I'm doing it for sexual gratification. So can something become sexually gratifying if it's subconsciously therapeutic?
6 years, 10 months ago
11 May 2012 01:08 CEST