OK, listen all of you weyes. I know I just got into this beautiful platform filled with hedgehogs with cunts and gangbang horse rape, but I really need you to listen to this fucking theory of mine because it's gonna fucking blow your mind. Are you listening?
GOOD. 'Cause otherwise I would have put both of my feet inside your butt and twisted it so you could face me right into my natural-outlined eyes.
Alright, so where to start? Ah yes. Tupinchecola.
Now I'm not meaning to offend you (and in someway I kinda am, I hate everyone on this earth except for my body pillow Maribel), this is an actual artist on the platform who draws & masturbates to fat hedgehogs drawn with crayon. She's a little bit of a pussy tho 'cause she always struggles to draw dicks onto them. Like, who the fuck struggles drawing dicks? Just draw two lemons and a Stabilo pen on top you dork, jeez like I'M TRYING TO GET A BONER TO PURPLE SHADOWS, aight?. Anyways, that's not really the point. So this girl draws whatever, blablabla, but looking onto the people she actually follows I found some pretty neat artists who ACTUALLY KNOW how to draw good dicks. Now, don't get me wrong, as I said in my bio, I'm super straight, but I know a good Eulipotyphlan dick when I see it, I'm an "I read Selecciones magazines" type of person, so that should be enough proof for you to know I'm a smart guy. At least smart enough to make you see I'm better than you.
So, resuming the original topic, Tupinchecola, funnily enough, watches a guy who has drawings that um... well, could be described quality-wise as good as tu pinche cola. No, seriously, this might be the absolute worst shitpost I've ever seen on Inkbbunny, and I've only been here for about a good 4 to 5 days on this dumspter. It's so shit that it kinda reminds me to that 31 Minutos episode in which he goes to "La Ruta de la Caca". It actually feels that way.
Fuck, my mom just got in the room, wait me a sec.
I'm back. She told me to do the dishes, sry.
ANYWAY, so looking onto his page we can find very interesting artworks, most notably his piece "Ham n' Cheese". But, asides from the drawings, I wanted to see who were some of the inspirations of this new Van Gogh of furry porn. Guess who was the ONLY PERSON I saw in his watched "artists" (cuz let's face it, everyone here is basically 42 and still live in their mom's basement).
Tu pinche cola.
Tu PINCHE, FUCKING COLA
Are you fucking serious? Out of all the fat bastards out here in this shithole you choose to pick tupinchecola as your main inspiration to jerk off? "I better start lubing my feet," I thought to myself, but then I stopped for a moment, calmed down and went back to my PC's monitor. "Calm down Adrián, don't lube up just yet, that's what your theatre students are for," I said and jumped again into Angela's profile. I needed to know more about this bitch and deduce who was behind that mask.
...hold on, my mom's telling me to go upstairs again.
A'ight sorry for that
So yeah, I spent approximately 15 minutes doing intensive research on these idiots and I saw very interesting things that helped me on my hypothesis:
1. Both of them are gay or something. Not because of the drawings or anything related to them, but apparently we live in a society in which youth feel the need to use sexual orientations as insults to mock on each other. Oh, but then we have to suffer through the pain of being called a "boomer" just 'cause we're older.
nowait
I'm NOT OLD OK, my last REAL birthday was 18 years ago so I'm still 15. fuckingidiots
2. Both of them seem to have a fandom which forms a sort of a sect, The Osteoporositos for Cola and La Rebelión de Los Sonichus Fatsos for Angela, with astonishing numbers of 151 and 4 users being part of them respectively.
3. They both only seem to care to have an interest in Sonic the Hedgehog.
4. They both seem to use the same kind of idiotic, obnoxious vocabulary.
5. Angelaeriza hasn't uploaded any new content in 6 months, and right after that moment, tupinchecola started to upload content VERY regularly.
6. Looking throughout the comments on posts from both of the accused characters, I actually saw comments contrasting points between them, which in the beginning made me doubt my theories and conspiracies I had on a starting point, but in the long run it ACTUALLY BROKE the fourth wall for me.
6.1 In the already mentioned "Ham n' Cheese" post by Angelaeriza, there's a comment from tupinchecola:
"chale."
Chale is a Mexican idiom that refers to sorrow and dejection as a form of respect to a certain situation or tragedy. Angelaeriza aggressively responds to this with a "Shut the fuck up you fuckin' faker". You'd think that the whole thing would end there since there aren't any more comments in the actual post, BUT THIS IS EXACTLY WHEN MY MIND STARTED TO FIT THE PIECES ON THIS ASSHOLE PUZZLE.
6.1.1 Angelaeriza's post is called "Ham n' Cheese". If we actually count the characters employed in it putting aside spacebars we get number eleven. Nothing too serious. But, if we count the characters employed in "Angelaeriza" we also get 11. Crazy, huh? If we look even FURTHER, counting the characters employed in "tupinchecola" we GET ELEVE- ohwaitit'sactuallytwelve.
6.1.1 WELCOME TO CANCELED SEASON 2 BITCHES: In the original post's title we can see the word Cheese, which first 2 letters combined give us the term "ch". Tupinchecola also contains this term, but this time it's positioned in the sixth and seventh slots of the word. If it wasn't enough, Tupinchecola's comment contains yet another word with the dominant term "ch", chale. But we're still yearning a "ch" from Angela's mouth. Initially here was the part of the story in which I thought I was fucked, since I was still missing one "ch" from Angela (if you were smart enough to notice, tupinchecola used "ch" twice in the whole post, in chale and his/her own username. Gosh, you want to go to Facultad de Filosofía y Letras and you didn't get to see that? Fuck my life man). But then it hit me; Angela's comment didn't contain a "ch", but it does contain the term "sh" ("Shut the fuck up you fuckin' faker"). Making yet another intensive investigation for around 2 minutes (I found the answer on a meme send by my aunt Claudia), I found out that in northern México's accent people really seem to have a very lexical problem, since they usually pronounce "ch" as "sh".
HA! Did you actually think that you could get yourself with that one, Angelaeriza?
YOU'RE SO FUCKING WRONG
So, if you have come with me this far, you can now understand and reflect on the next question I'm gonna throw to you.
Aren't these enough arguments to deduce that Angelaeriza and tupinchecola...
are actually THE SAME PERSON?!
I CAUGHT YOU BITCHES, YOU BETTER START PREPARING YOUR ASSHOLES 'CAUSE THEY'RE GONNA MEET BOTH OF MY FEET!
I wait for your responses, my mom's calling again so I can't really stay too much anymore.
FUCK Y'ALL. <3
