I thought I'd post a journal since I've been not as active as I've wanted. I've been feeling a lot less motivated and upbeat lately due to my current situation and how it relates to the virus going around.
I've been kicked out of my university dorm, along with all the other students on campus, and now I'm forced to stay at home with my parents until I can (hopefully) return to school next fall. Unfortunately, I have not been able to retrieve my items from my room yet; all I have with me right now to keep occupied is my phone, tablet, and an old laptop. I don't even have my main desktop computer, and don't have enough medicine to last me one month with my diabetic condition - which also leaves me at more risk due to my weak immune system. As a result of this fact, my mother will be going alone across the country to pack up my stuff and get it back to me as soon as possible.
The soonest I will have my computer and my meds should be in 3 weeks, but I might not get everything back from my old residence maybe until May. It's also a shame because I was deeply looking forward to playing Doom Eternal and Half Life Alyx, and well, I can't do that without my computer. Avoiding all the spoilers has been like walking over a bed of hot coals with plastic stilts, and I still have so much more time to go before I'll finally be able to play these games I've been waiting years for.
I was also applying for internship positions to various developers and publishers in the video game industry, but now, odds are I won't be able to get into any of those jobs, even despite how much planning and stress was needed to contact these people in the first place. This is a major detriment to the growth of my career, if I even decide this is the path I want to take in life (to be honest, I'm not quite sure yet, but I need to start somewhere).
You may have noticed my website has been mostly cleared of content for the past few months. This is due to the fact that I was creating a new website absent of any references to "obie" in order to have a clean portfolio to show to professionals. This is now obviously on the backburner, and I need more time to readdress the original homepage, and we know how procrastination makes me feel (and yet, I continue to procrastinate anyways).
Everybody knows how much stress I experience from school, and how much time it takes away from me. This might get even worse now, due to classes being held online now, which will be a very difficult transition for me. I just wish things could have stayed the same, because I was so much happier being independent at my dorm. Maybe now, I'll at least have an excuse to draw more, since I don't have many other ways to entertain myself now.
This is a hard time for me in regards to mental health. I've been upset to the point of nausea, and have been having many dreams and thoughts of doing terrible things, both to myself and others. I need all the support and attention I can get in these times; as if loneliness hasn't been enough of a detriment to my mental health, we now live in a time where isolation is a necessity of survival. A big motivation for drawing I've always had is that it might be an opportunity to gain more attention by like-minded people, thus allowing me to make more friends easier. I know that doesn't sound like a great plan, but I'm not entirely sure what else I can do. Socialization has been one of my hardest barriers in life. Please help me, guys. I need you now more than ever.
1 year, 4 months ago
24 Mar 2020 07:54 CET