Ok, I know I don't do rants all that much but i really do need to start to get some thoughts out of my head. This is something that's although I've been allowing it to go by for around six to seven years I'm now getting fed up with it. Here's what I mean...
Others want me to participate in things they are doing but when I try to do the same I get either ignored or pushed aside. I see it in everything i do or assist in real life or even in a game. Either it be a friend wanting me to try a new game he has or someone wanting me to do something on a website or whatever the case may be. 99% of the time I go along and see what's up, give it a try, help out, assist along with whatever term I can't think of now. I ask for the same respect in return and i don't seem to get it no matter what i do or say or anything! I just wish i could at least get that from the few friends I do have and it may sound selfish but I've chosen now to do what my sis Sariosa advised and lay my feelings out somewhere. Because as I've had happen a lot of the time bottled feelings eventually burst.
In addition, I help others in a game AND in real life that have no idea who i am or what I am even friends who needs assist I assist by drawing a picture for them or giving my own personal review on music they made or whatever the case I'm helping is... Only time i can get someone to draw a picture for me is if and when I can pay someone to do so. Though I help others, before I didn't expect any help in return, now after almost six to seven years of this I'm beginning to wonder ... 'What am I doing?' 'What should I be doing?' Heck, not even two nights ago I was playing Grand Fantasia and I asked myself... ' Why am i playing this game? No one helps me train except when i leech a main boss kill. I help others that I can help in my own power despite my feelings of loneliness and others take advantage of it' and this is coming from a game I've been loyal to for a while now, like how Secret of the Solstice was for me for about four years before it went down in a blaze of glory.
The only thing i ask, is that if and when i ever do something for you, that you do something for me. Not as a trade and it might even be ten favors from you to one of mine but this is the situation that sparked this rant.
For almost a couple of months after finishing my first original story in years 'Revialisa Part 1: A Rose in the Flower Garden.' I ask friends if they could read it, one who keeps forgetting because of life issues which i can understand, but another who, though the story is a vampire-type story he's pretty much an expert on it and he claims to forget too, and when both finally do get the chance to read it, they read into the first paragraph, comment about it and not bother trying to read the rest of the story before giving advice on it period. I mean, what the heck? I believed if someone is supposed to proofread a story the whole story is supposed to be read before giving advice on chars, layout and such. I've not yet had one reviewer... well, i did have one but it wasn't a critical review... anyways >.<' anything I create seems to be ignored, anything I write, hopefully this one won't be, is ignored... I just want to grow and blossom like a flower which was partially my drive for my story but so far the past couple of years i can't seem to do anything without freezing/tensing up and no one can tell me why! >.<'''''''''
Now that's out of the way... I just wish someone else could understand my position here. ._.'
6 years, 11 months ago
01 May 2012 09:28 CEST