I've been putting a lot of thought into it lately because it's been bothering me for a while now. 'It' being why I can't seem to produce quality work that fits within the Inkbunny community's preferred content, artistic pornography. Well, I think it's because I don't really have interest in porn. I mean I dabble in stuff like that now and again, but it's never been something that I've had a desire to do. I never come home from a day out in town and think, "Damn, I really want to draw Sonic being pegged."
It's just not my thing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I mean, I enjoy looking at others' art and whatnot, but I really never cared to draw it myself. And I think I really just wore myself out trying to draw things that I really am not interested in drawing. Not to mention I'm actually not very well versed in sexual stuff. I've never had a romantic partner I felt like fooling around with, so most of my knowledge is second-hand. And sometimes I think it shows lol.
I've always been drawn more to macabre stuff, the creepy and unusual. My favorite au that I've made is a horror-based au. I have 3 folders worth of Pits au work that I've done, and my other aus which are less horror-themed -and in some cases completely non-horror- have very little work done in them. Mainly because I've always enjoyed writing about scary places and cryptid monsters. It's my preferred genre. I enjoy watching scary and thriller movies. I'm weird that way.
When I first joined Inkbunny I was in a low place. I'd just left a discord group of people who claimed to be my friends, and then would just brush me aside and ignore me when I tried to be more involved with the group. I had people agree to do collabs, only to back out because they "valued their character too much" to let me draw them. They would claim to not like playing a game that I also played, but my steam account would let me know that they were online constantly. It was very disheartening and I just felt worthless. So when I hopped on I nuked my old username and got a new one because I wanted to leave all that behind. I wanted so desperately to fit in and find a friend group that I just started drawing what seemed to be the most popular thing on this site. Porn. Something I knew nothing about and had never drawn before I joined Inkbunny. It's also something that my family is very critical of. I actually have to hide my nsfw work inside several different folders. I have to stay up until 4am sometimes just to get work done. My siblings will sometimes lean over my shoulder to read what I'm writing or to watch me draw.
I just started getting more and more frustrated with myself because my muse began going downhill almost immediately after I began drawing nsfw, and I tried my hardest to power through it. I'm proud of my work and everything I've accomplished, but it never really felt like it was the greatest thing I've ever done. In fact, my greatest artwork to-date isn't even Sonic art, which is what I usually draw. I dragged myself away from the fandom for a short bit to begin working on an old -really old. 2 years old- project, and found myself just spouting artwork that was so much better than what I'd been producing here. That's when I realized that I'm just not into producing pornography of any kind. I just want to draw and write what makes me happy.
To this, I'm planning on returning full-time to Inkbunny here soon to finish my writing commission, and to begin posting more of what makes me happy. All of my future horror-themed art will have a specific tag that can be blocked by any of my followers who do not want to view horror-themed art. I'll let you know when I begin using the tag.
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4 years, 7 months ago
15 Sep 2019 01:10 CEST
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