Hi everybody! I'm still here. Anybody still paying attention will have noticed that I'm not doing art very often these days, but stuff still happens occasionally. There will still be more, but it's slower going than it used to be.
I'm getting by just fine day to day, but since my stroke last September I've still got epilepsy, which means that I have 'focal seizures' several times per day - generally these are very mild things, lasting only 5 to 10 seconds, which just involve some brief tingling and numbness along my right arm before going away. More rarely, maybe once or twice every couple weeks on average, I'll have a worse one that'll last several minutes and lead to facial spasms and speech slurring.
The seizures are annoying when they happen but don't really detract from the quality of my day-to-day life too much, which is good. The biggest issue they cause me is that they mean I'm not allowed to drive. I'm limited entirely to public transport and being a passenger, until such time as I can be seizure free for at least a year - which may in all liklihood never happen, since focal seizures are incredibly hard to ever get rid of completely. I've been experimenting with medications and doses with my doctors but we've reached a point where it seems best to let things settle for a few months, see if my brain does any healing on its own, rather than just piling on more medication lest the side effects start to make the cure worse than the disease.
Having my driving licence taken away and coming to terms with the realities of possibly never being able to drive again is kind of rough, especially since I've long been kind of an enthusiast for cars and driving. A bit less so since moving to the UK with its narrower and more stressful roads, and my looming dread over the global climate crisis, but even so it feels like a significant loss of freedom. On the plus side I am grateful to live in a country where that doesn't completely rob me of all my ability to have any sort of life the way it would in most parts of the US. The government here also compensates me by allowing me to purchase disabled rail/bus/coach passes that offer me discounted or free travel. Also I've got loves who are generally happy to ferry me around as needed whenever they can.
So what I'm dealing with now is the occasional annoyance and fatigue of the seizures, and the side effects of the medications I'm on to moderate the seizures and reduce the risk of another stroke. These side effects generally involve decreased stamina, maybe being slightly quicker to get frustrated with things, and a few other bits and pieces. Throw in a dash of the current state of the world mixed with the fact that I'm a) an environmental scientist and b) one of those weirdo liberal folks who actually have empathy for other people, and all together it means I haven't had as much drive to make art as I used to.
But hey, I'm here and I'm getting by as well as I can, and art still happens. As does life. I'm making a point of enjoying it to the fullest, taking lots of short holidays over weekends and such, and -really- excited to get out fursuiting more alongside my mate Azakir. Soon at CabinCon in Scarborough, and in November at ScotiaCon again. Possibly with additional meets beyond those, and with increasing fluffdragon appearances in 2020.
Sometimes life just deals you a rough hand and all you can do is roll with it, and focus on being grateful for everything you do have. I've got a lot of loved ones looking out for me, the ability keep taking a lot of joy from life, and most of all I'm still here to enjoy all of it. I'm not going to complain too much about that.
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5 years, 4 months ago
16 Jul 2019 17:47 CEST
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