Hey guys.
's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry about that.
This has not been a fun time to be me. Everything should be hunky-dory, I'm good, family's good, friends are actually doing better than they were last year, so naturally I'm a basket case.
I've been working on a story since I finished the bundle. You may have noticed that that was in February, and this is May. Well, this isn't going to be some epic-length tale, I'm afraid. I've just started the same story over about three times now. It's not that it's some super complicated concept that has to be just right; in fact it's meant to be a fun, lighthearted tale explicitly based on a cliché of the porn genre. I've been having trouble keeping it lighthearted, I seem to have developed an impulse to explain everything and make it all grounded and realistic(ish).
Beyond that, though, it's kind of hard to put into words. Literally. I reach out to where the words are supposed to be, where the story is supposed to be playing out in my head, and sometimes it just isn't there. Feels like I've lost my mojo.
Some days are alright, I got in the zone and managed 900-something words in a single night a little while back. That was nice.
And I tell myself that every word is progress, that every day I manage to write like 300 words is improvement, but I don't know, you guys...
I want to get back to where I was, to who I was. I don't want to fail anymore, to have to abandon stories or start them over from scratch because they're not good enough. At the same time, I don't want to be so afraid of failure that I get paralyzed whenever I veer even slightly away from stuff that was planned out. I don't want to struggle for each and every sentence.
I want to be the guy who wrote stories that meant so much to people that even after running silent for so long, I still get messages asking me if I'm gonna re-open for commissions soon, or if there's gonna be more chapters of ILYT or Eric and Milo. I just don't know how. Yet.
Sorry that this log entry is kind of a bummer, I just wanted to let you fine Tasties know that I remain alive, which means I continue trying to write. It's who I am, after all, even if it doesn't quite feel like my kung-fu these days. Maybe determination counts for something, eh? Or at least stubbornness...
I don't suppose any of you Tasties have been in a situation like this? Got any advice for getting out of it, or at least encouraging words to help get through it? Let me hear 'em in the comments.
JOURNAL OVER.
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4 years, 11 months ago
13 May 2019 09:56 CEST
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