As I get older, I do realize that things aren't going to get any easier. I think what 'ages' most people is the feeling of 'well, I'm over 30 now... I'm not where I want to be. I guess I'll never get there.' They accept their fate, figure they've chased their dream long enough, and give up. Some are forced to give up their dreams and settle for what's 'attainable', others give up because they've been at something for a long time and have never really gotten the measure of success that they thought they'd get. I'll admit that due to having a steady (for now) gig with Depths, there is a measure of temptation to coast. I'm producing on a weekly basis, for some folks, that might be good enough. However, I'm not satisfied with just being The Depth's artist. I've got my own stories to tell, my own path to cut. I'm still very much dedicated to helping Lani achieve her goals, but I also cannot lose sight of my own. I'm a storyteller, and while I've gotten some degree of a following, I'm still very much an unknown. Big thank yous to those who helped promote my gallery, by the way. Finally managed to break past the 5000 follower barrier... maybe if I hit 6, it'll become easier to reach more people. I think that's what keeps me 'young'. I keep pushing forward to try and make this crazy dream of mine work, to be a professional, prosperous full time artist, to have a fanbase that wants to see more of my stories and my imagination. I think the fact that I get up every morning and think, "Okay, let's make this shit happen" keeps me from truly getting old. Well, that and working out. I may be an old nag, but I don't want to embarrass myself huffing and puffing along with Rocky looking back at me like, "Hey! Pick up the pace!". Winters are tough to keep in shape through. The cold just cuts straight through me and thanks to the RIDICULOUS winter we've had, there's a sheet of ice under all the snow. It's just not safe to go snow running. The part of growing older that really makes me uncomfortable though, is wondering if I'm being childish or determined for chasing my dream this long, despite my disability, despite our situation, am I clinging to childhood loves by working in comics and cartoons or is it just passion for my craft? Should I turn to doing 'fine art' only and 'grow up' or keep doing what I love, even if it's considered 'low art'? When I look at what other people much younger than me have accomplished... I don't really find that much that I'm really PROUD of. I'm a self-taught artist still struggling to get on my feet while 20-somethings graduate schools of design and work in video games with amazing portfolios and I wonder if I've wasted too much time. I suppose that's why I keep striving to improve. I kind of derailed my train of thought, but these feelings have been stirring around in me for a while now... the feeling of wondering if I'm wasting my time fighting with the joy I still feel in finishing some art and posting it... refining my craft, challenging myself to do better every time. My anxieties about getting older aren't so much tied to mortality itself... it's that I have so much more I want to draw still!
Anyway, weekly ramble over. Figured it was important I keep this up after finally recovering from being sick.
This coming week is The Depths' 'off' week due to the drop in Patreon support. I'll use that the extra time to finish as much as I can before page 65 needs to be done! If you want to help support The Depths and get me back to work on a fully weekly schedule, consider becoming a Patreon for The Depths for $5 a month! We only need about 20 more people contributing before The Depths is back to a fully weekly schedule!
KJ, thank you for addressing this to our attention. As much as i love what your doing for Leilani, you're right about what you want to do with your stories and you have every right to feel this way about not telling your stories. I'm not the best when it comes to anyone feeling down. I can only only do my best to say what can say help out. When you find that chance to tell your stories you want to tell, then take it. Cause your art and story telling is why most love what you do. We may love what you do for the depths, but we would love to hear more of stories you wish to tell. Keep doing what makes you feel good. Take care and have a good one.
KJ, thank you for addressing this to our attention. As much as i love what your doing for Leilani, y
