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KAKL

Thoughts for the future

by
Ok
I’m really writting this,
Alright.....

Hi
Hello there,
Fellow people of the art community.
It’s your girl Hyenwolf here or KAKL depending on how where your reading this from.
I know I don’t speak to people on here or anywhere really, online or not.
I feel though that it’s right for me to do this however.
Now I’ll start by saying breath, because I’m not quitting drawing, even if I wanted which deep down I don’t.
I just wanted to use this opportunity to speak to you guys about like the past present and future, well that’s the abbreviation for this, also as much as I want to draw right now it 10 pm and I need to be up by 4 at least foe work, that’s right, work.
So anyways, to keep this real. I know that in life we come across trials, and lets be honest, the age range of people on this site averages around the age of 20 and the larger majority being in teens category. There’s nothing wrong with that and that’s pretty much the age that people start to discover and try to establish individuality right. God when I say it like that I sound so old.
Anyway.....
I guess you could say that I was trying to do that too.
When I was barely 11, I came back to England from a situation that was more complicated than it needed to be and unfortunately it involved my mothers death and its been a whole lot of being rushed around to figure out what my life should be but also keeping to the rules as well as a bit of a culture shock since by English standards I’m mixed black.
All I knew what to do back then was just too try and be good, do my best at school, try to not be a problem because you know that’s how life was gonna be from then on. What I did know about myself though was that in my I feel like.... it’s not even like a desire anymore its like an instinct to create, to imagine, to give characters as much story, to make them and their universal situation as real as possible.
 Of course back then and still growing up I didn’t know how to say it and I was always afraid that I would be scene as wasting my time or trying dreaming for something that would flop and so for a while I had a more pessimistic view of life.
Still like anyone I was trying to think about where I would fit in career wise and shading after the arty/media path in my GCSEs , A levels, a year at college and 2 years of uni. However with awkward situations, build of anxiety and loss of confidence, I fell short in the time of our final project and just hid myself like a hermit basically.
I tried to write and draw to make myself feel better although I didn’t touch my cintiq for a long while.
 I hated people, everything and I know it might be dramatic to people out there but I felt like I failed in maintaining what was wanted of me and finding my purpose, like I needed to be offed from the earth and well  a bit awkward to say but tried and failed.
And I was ashamed for a while because my family... mostly on my dads side believe in like going for education to get far in the working world... except for my uncle who is like a top class business man.  Eventually my finally did get wind of my “fatal mistake” and even convinced me to quit uni and to join the world force, which is iI am now in less than 2 weeks in. My first paid job too.
To some it would seem dead end like with afternoon shifts where I don’t see my bed until 2, the morning is dedicated to prepape and travel like a live metroidvania.
I don’t hate it though. Its a doable job. I get to see places all over the country, literally while thankfully not encountering any body I knew from my uni/school life. Not that there is anything wrong with them but you know, anybody passed the 18 meter, you know.
The people there are so interesting, like proper character worthy. It’s also help3d restore my faith in people, in fate even, although that’s a stretch, never trust in lady fate.
I know that I’m rambling a bit in this.
It’s a rambler’s life for me.
But this is what I’m getting too.
After a proper RnR with my family, I feel like I don’t have to hide myself anymore, that even though my folks where strict, most of my fears were self made and self induced. I want to build myself again to be more deserving of the name Hyenwolf, a combination of many things that make something great.
And that’s also the reason why I am writing this It involves this account. Now again nobody panic, I’m not going to quit this, at least not for a long long long while. But before I continue, thank you so much for those of you who stuck around to see the stuff I create, even if it is fan art. I know I don’t interact much with the art or any community but seeing when you guys take an interest in my stuff and even watch it too see what comes next always makes my day and not even in a narcissistic way, just helps me with knowing that being a creative isn’t bad thing.
No I want to take this account on a big journey. I know how people are about change, I’m going to expand it just as a strange and the plans I have fore the future I see them stretching over a decade or more so again nothing drastic.
At first I used this account for hobbyist stuff only, and so the stuff is more to the sonic fandom. It’s not really so much that I like sonic or the games that much, if anything its more pity fanart and for times when I’m too lazy to come up with my own characters while giving it as much fleshy context as possible. That has helped to inspired a lot of stories for the future that I want to turn into much own, but that’s something for the future.
As I said before I want to expand my horizons here, include more fanart of various franchises that are more than worthy of that homage. In doing this hopefully I can also get too know you all better like as fellow artist and fellow procrastinators worshiping 2d stuff.

You know in a way the timing was impeccable. When  Arin Hanson was showing his past work and doing the QnA ( Danny of course you one of my favourites too and I’m glad too see you back and healthy). Arin gets the struggles that artists go through with people and life generally and he’s shown me that only death can end things, until then life is your own to make what you can. I’ve never really had anyone I said I looked up too but Arin is pretty much there.
 Even my uncle whose had too really lower himself at the worst of times has risen and shown up anyone that looked down on him.
I’ve decided that I don’t want to just look at the other side of the ledge anymore, I’m going leap and I’m going to go far. No more fears, no more half assing or safe routes or starscream snivelling. After that thing with the nissan gtr speed star that Kira pulled off, props to you btw because that is dope as fuck.  I’m finally ready to try and make something more real of myself.
There is still a lot of stuff that I got to organise and plan carefully so, maybe for a month or less I may be a bit quiet and not put out stuff as usual. When I can work a better schedule with the time I have, I will come back to you.
Thank you so much to Curry5 btw for great advice with how to start commissions, It’s still quite a bit to get my head around but I will make it work, for those of you who are willing to stick around till then, I thank you immensely.
Well, I leave here now, it’s nearly 2 and I gotta get ready at 4 am so yeah.
Until next time,
The Hyenwolf
Out.

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Added: 4 years, 10 months ago
 
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