This is a story that I think needs to be talked about. It is a story about unintended consequences and how one person can destroy a great friendship without even trying. Now in respect of my friends’ wishes, I will be referring them in gender-neutral terms throughout any future conversation. In addition, I am not trying to guilt-trip them back into friendship; this is just me wishing I could take back something that I did that inadvertently hurt them because I really do not know if any one person holds the guilt.
I first discovered this artist when I was looking for fan-art of EVE from WALL-e and at the time, this artist was doing fan-art based on The Great Mouse Detective and they decided to credit the author of the original books Eve Titus so of course when I searched for “EVE (Disney)” I also found their work as well, and since I’m a sucker for good art, I started watching them. I am sure what happened next because it was like 8 years ago, but I started commenting on their stuff and they responded back and pretty soon, we’re talking about MLP headcanons, Batman, and much more. Eventually, we moved on to communicating through notes and at that point, our friendship just blossomed, I introduced them to Tumblr and we traded ideas back and forth, we even both recreated our OC’s in each other’s eyes. Now sometimes there were some rocky points in our relationship,[1] but being autistic, I was never one to go get friendships like most kids. They were a few that were short and sweet for the most part, but I never had a friendship as I did with this artist. If it were not for the fact that they live in a completely different part of the country, we would probably hang out in person all the time.
However, something happened this year that ended all of that, during one of our writings between each other, I was looking for stuff online to show them and get their input when I discovered this in my Tumblr feed.
Now I am going to break off into a bit of a tangent here to just some things in the open about this. When it comes to sex, I like most Americans had to learn from our abstinence-only, heteronormative, cisgender, sex education system as well as deal with a sex-negative mother and a hypocritical father. Even at the date that I am writing this, I still have to suppress my noises when I orgasm. There is also going into the fact that you may notice I really love fetishes like transformation, age regression/progression, etc. Therefore, I had to learn the hard way when trying to find myself, but now we are coming to something that is very controversial and mostly thanks to our “beloved” government that we cannot have an honest conversation about this topic without being labeled a pedophile and ostracized from the community. I am of course talking about what is referred to as virtual child pornography[2]. Now, of I am talking about stuff like cub art as well as loli and shota art. I am talking children that were not conceived in a womb but convinced on a piece of paper or on a computer. Children that are made up of pixels and lead. Now this while this type of art is considered illegal by the US Congress under the PROTECT Act of 2003[3], much like Prohibition people choose to ignore it mostly thanks to the openness of Internet. Now when I first went into this little niche of internet porn, I did not consider the lolis and the shotas in the art and stories real people. In fact, most of the characters that I first saw were popular cartoon characters that any sane person could tell you were not real, so while Congress might have had their best interests at heart while making this law, it really does seem like one of those laws that all it needs is a really liberal Supreme Court to come in and make it unconstitutional. Moreover, from what I have seen it has failed to catch any real child abusers, it has caught plenty of perverts but nothing that could justify sites like this one having a draconian system of banning people whose only crime is putting a picture of Raven from DC Comics showing her ass. [4] Now, of course, there is going to be that one person who ends up using this as a gateway drug to real children just like there is going to be that one person who shoots up a school after playing Doom one too many times. I am just saying that perhaps we need to try something new in dealing with pedophiles and such, and maybe making at least virtual child pornography legal because no real children were hurt during the making of this. So there is my two cents back to my friend.
Now I had known that they are not fans at all about that kind of stuff, but I had thought they would at least agree on a first amendment issue, instead I accidentally triggered them into reliving a very traumatic memory which I am not going to share it because even though we are no longer friends at this moment, I am not that heartless of human being. They told me their story and I, in turn, told them one of my secrets, which I am going to share with because I have nothing to lose. You probably have seen this https://disneymaster.deviantart.com/art/Decriminalize-C... while going through my gallery and you might be curious about who John is. John is I. Now I am not trained in psychology, but I like to think it is these three reasons.
1. Despite being anti-social thanks to my autism, (and being raised by two sex-negative parents), I still feel bound by the current decency.
2. I genre-savvy enough to know what would happen to me if I did do anything.
3. I have seen so many porn in which the participates have perfect bodies that now only said perfect bodies are capable of getting my attention. In short, my nieces are not my type.
Therefore, after I told my friend what I told you, we both decided to take a break from notes for a good month and last week I decided to call them again only to be told that because of what I did, that they no longer wished to be friends with me anymore. They apparently spent the last month and thought it was the best option. Now at first, I agreed thinking it was the right thing to do, but now I just feel miserable. Maybe I’m feeling guilty after what I did or maybe I feel like I’m being treated unfairly by my ex-friend after I tried my best to explain I was genially sorry for what I did and if I could turn back the clock and prevented me from doing what I did I would. I am not saying that either one of us is right; I am just saying that I feel sad and lonely without you. I could always try making new friends based on what I have learned, but we went together as a duck to water it seemed like. I just do not know what to do, I am not even sure if publishing this journal is the right of course action. I just want us to be friends again. Maybe this journal will help things and maybe it’ll only make things worse, but I feel that maybe putting my thoughts to paper will help things along and if my former friend sees this and thinks that they might have gone too far in dealing with me or it just makes them avoid me more. Bottom line, I am so very sorry for what I did to you and if there is anything I can do to fix our friendship, I will do it. Nothing else matters.
Sincerely yours,
DisneyMaster
[1] Like most relationships tend to get.
[2] Also known as simulated child pornography & cartoon child pornography.
[3] The House of Representatives version was co-written by our current Vice-President. Not joking, look it up like I did.
[4] In case you are curious as to what I’m referring to, check out these links below.
