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All Good Things...

All Good Things…

My friends, my time here has come to an end.  I wish it were not so and the tears are falling freely as I write this.  Please know that my heart is shattered to tell you what I have to say.  And also know that I love each and every one of you so much it hurts.  All the friends I've made here are so dear to me and mean the world to me.  I love you all, now and forever.  I have so much enjoyed going to conventions and meeting so many wonderful furries.  I have always enjoyed the art and culture in this fandom and it has brought me so much happiness over the short time I've been active here.  And to those of you who have reached out to me in some way, to those who have been supportive of my writing - even by just taking the time to read what I wrote - I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  It has meant so much to me and your kindness warmed my very soul.  Thank you, so much.  I would write better words here if I could think of them.  But right now, there is so much pain, I'm having a difficult go of it.  But please know that no matter what tomorrow brings, the history I've shared with you all here was not in vain.  And I will carry it with me in my heart wherever I go.

What I am about to tell you is painful and horrific.  And I will be referring to others' involvement but it is important that you know it was no one here, no one in the fandom, and no one anyone here would have ever heard of so please do not speculate or look for connections that aren't there.  I do not want anyone implicated because of gossip.  The outcome of a string of events outside my control and my association with another person has implicated my involvement in an investigation that seized all of my electronic devices and anything in my possession that would have the ability to store pictures.  In a short time from now, the investigating parties will find content in my possession that is illegal as far as they are concerned and I will be arrested and convicted of doing unspeakable acts - acts that I never once did in my life, but that detail will not matter to them.  It will brand me for life with a scarlet letter that I can never wash off and will destroy everything in this world that ever brought me happiness.  There will be no recourse.  There will be no possibility of appeal.  There will be nothing that can stop this from happening.  

I would rather swallow broken glass than have to tell you any of this, my cherished friends.  But it is the truth and when I am no longer around, I would rather the truth be known about what happened to me.  For those of you whom I've disappointed and left feeling betrayed, I am so deeply ashamed.  I would offer anything I could to make it up to you.  But time is short now and all I can offer are my words and what is in my heart.  

This fandom is so beautiful.  It is so full of love and possibilities and the most wonderful people I have ever known.  So much in life is unfair and taken away from us when we are the least aware.  I can only hope that if nothing else or whatever you may think of me for this, that you remember never to waste a moment.  Never waste any moment.  Grab it and hold on tight.  Keep each other safe and loved.  And never give in to hate or fear.  I will miss you all so much more than you'll ever know.  I would give anything for one last dance.  One last kiss.  One last glass raised with my friends here.  

Well, I never knew I had this many tears in me.  But know that not all of these are full of sadness.  I find myself falling upon some of the happiest moments I have ever known and I am eternally grateful to all those who have touched my life here and in the fandom itself.  

So time for me to get up on stage one last time and take a bow in my best kilt as the curtain closes.  I'm going to ask Sian, Wyatt, Chance, River, Randy, and Dante to come up here and join me.  We are all so very happy that you were entertained.  Our time was too short.  But the fun, while it lasted, made every moment worthwhile and fulfilling.  Thank you all again.

Goodbye, my friends.  I hope that you will remember me for the good times we shared.  After I post this I will be taking my own life, ending my short run here in this world on my own terms.  I hate to upset anyone with this but there can not be any lingering doubt.  Please don’t cry for how it ended.  Please try and hold on what was good.  I love you.  And I’ll never forget you.

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