Not to sound maudlin, but I got the urge tonight to dig up Facebook from the backlogs of "stuff I've been meaning to get around to trying to be more into." I found a few nice things, a few people wishing me Happy Birthday (people who I've not talked to for at LEAST two years and who probably are just responding to it by memory-driven actions), and the like.
As I looked through and had a few wistful smiles at some of the fond times I had with the people in the military who were, surprisingly enough, NOT dicks to me (or at least not total assholes), I found myself with a startling realization.
There are, last I checked, less than a dozen pictures of me on Facebook. At least, as far as I know.
I've known a lot of people who have a LOT of photos on there...and yet, I seem to have made little impression on their cameras because if I'm not in the shot, I'm blocked from view by some obstruction and, as such, forgotten about because of what's at the forefront of the picture. For example, a picture where I *know* I was in that particular jazz concert, know because I can see all the people who were there...and yet, I'm not seen due to camera angles.
Have...I really made *that* little of an impact on people that they'd just as soon rather forget me? Or was my impact on them so distasteful that they wanted nothing to do with me? Can't really say for certain since I don't know their minds and to throw around accusations would be pretty foolish, but it's...well, disheartening, I guess.
I thought that maybe, just maybe, something about me was redeeming enough to warrant my presence there. And yet...I'm not. Sure, I have friends now who I love and cherish and respect deeply. But...it's still sad to me that I'm really just another face in the crowd of "forgotten and left behind in memory."
Yeah, okay, I know it's just a silly feeling to want to have had a bigger footprint on lives, but...I'm only human.
You would feel the same too. Maybe.
7 years ago
30 Jan 2012 13:15 CET