A friend of mine prompted me to post this...
I know, I'm hardly ever on here anymore. Same goes for about a whole bunch of other sites I used to roll around in. Facebook is like my dwelling as of this journal entry. Eh...
Once in a long-ass while, I do pop back to see what's up, though...
Basically, my career life, in all the glory that I broke my ass to pursue, has become a bit of a soul-crushing experience; whether it's my ability to cope, or the sheer fact of realities I had faced. I wouldn't blame both...
Unspeakable personal horrors have happened in the previous years that basically tore me a new ass and handed me my old one. As I'm growing older, I'm learning shit about life's realities that I wish I knew how to handle because it's a fact of life; but at the same time, there's just some shit that doesn't need to happen, but does anyway, and out of sheer stupidity.
But thank God I still have my moments of joy and creativity in this.
I won't lie; I feel readily engaged when I'm sitting there programming a little, or writing a tale, or cartooning or whatever. It feels good... As long as that's all I focus on and no other reason than the process and result...
But I've been so hellbent on changing my career life (believe me, for the right reasons), that I feel my creative life is kind of dying on me because of how far deep in the backburner I leave everything... I feel like unless it makes me money, there's almost no point in doing it. I've been very conscious about securing wealth for myself and my future.
But that, and my efforts behind it, have put so much weight on my emotional resources, that I'm getting sick, like legit.
In short: I'm fucking jaded... At the ripe young age of almost 25, no less.
And that's the reason I'm HARDLY ever here or most other fun sites for that matter.
But worry not. I do pop back every so often. And at least I have some level of legacy... I published my music, I made my cartoons, wrote some stories, I have the RPG ready to go, etc.
When I was talking to my friend, I did mention it was pretty cool that I did at least get to contribute my graphic as one of the IB bunnies. That kind of touches me that I know I did something for the community I love, and as a testament to my undying creativity...
And yes, I do miss when I was more active here.
I ought to say this though, because this is a Furry site...
Come this Fall, I will have been in the Furry community for 10 years, long and strong. Couldn't be prouder of the roller coaster I lived through.
As well, my Nature's Creatures cast will also turn 10 years old. It's a joy to see something I learned all those years ago stick to history now, but I'm kind of sad because I did intend to turn it into a cartoon show, once upon a time.
Oh well... At least I'm blessed with awesome parts in my life to counter-balance the bad. Namely, my dear friends, family, and experiences.
<3
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12 years, 2 months ago
22 Jan 2012 05:50 CET
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