I know I'm late in making this. I just needed some time to sit down and just think about it.
Before I get into what this new year brings, I should have a look back at 2011. That was some year. It started out great, another semester of school and a dedication to seeing my at the time boyfriend every week since I only got to see him every other week the semester before. It unfortunately got a bit stressful for me, as I had to manage my time better with him plus the intensity of medical school. Yea, there were a lot of times where I was just angry and depressed and took it out on him (not like abusively or anything, I just was upset and mad and complained a lot). However, despite that we continued on. The poor guy cooked and made sure dinner was ready when I got home. I wish I helped him out with that more, but he did insist it was okay. I'm useless in the kitchen anyway, hahaha. So our happy little "married" life went on for a brief few more months. Life was good for a little while, till the break up. We were both emotionally unprepared for a relationship while pursuing our professional careers.
And at the time of this writing we haven't spoken for almost 10 months. It may be for the better I suppose. I still occupationally speak with his mom however.
Though I still wish it didn't have to end, and that I made more effort to save it. But hindsight is 20/20. He'll probably never see this but I felt like writing it all the same.
I felt hurt, devastated, and have felt that way for a long time. And in a fit of emotional charge, I did what many gay men and lesbian women feared. I came out.
I asked my dad if he would still love me, despite what I was about to tell him. I told him I wasn't interested in women. His reaction wasn't what I expected. He felt hurt and kept wondering (and to this day) why he was cursed with having a gay son. However, he still remained supportive in his own way, and is hopefully slowly accepting of it. He did tell me to never tell mom, as it would destroy the family unit. My relationship with my little brother worsened unfortunately. It hurt me a lot as I used to be very close to him when we were younger. There was one very traumatic event that happened between me and him during the summer, and it was something I felt I couldn't recover from. However, thanks to easyspark, fasttrack37d and tripppup, I snapped out of it.
But despite that, some positives came out of it. I met some amazing people in the summer. I started streaming, meeting some awesome furs who I'll consider life long friends. I've strengthened my friendships with existing friends who I now consider as family.
My art I felt has improved tremendously throughout the year. I felt like I could just escape all my problems as I drew and painted while talking to my friends. I admit, even though it was a fairly mundane summer, I enjoyed it. It was mostly sitting around, studying by day, drawing and streaming by night. We had some crazy times in the stream. Lots of laughter and some tears. I've met some very interesting people throughout the year in this community from different walks of life. I went to my first furry con in the summer at Califur with easyspark and redrusker. I met tonkaahote, dasa , rudder dreamous and spelunkersal We didn't do much other than just chat in a hotel room and had dinner, but it was fun nonetheless.
The months went by and the next year of school came.
I didn't realize how much I depended on people to keep me in happier spirits. I never realized how much I looked forward to seeing my b/f every week. But it was all gone now. I started dating throughout the semester. I didn't have a connection to any of them so far, but it was nice to get out of the house and do something rather than sit in and study all day. I started to regularly attend the local LGBT center meetings and met some cool friends there. This past semester was...difficult to say the least. So difficult that I may have failed a class and I don't know what the consequences will be.
And as my short Christmas vacation comes to a close I start another school year. Scared, defeated, but still hopeful. Because at the end of the day, I have people who care about me
This past week I hung out with easyspark and fasttrack37d and it was pretty awesome. Scott's a funny guy, haha <3
And now we've reached 2012. I've just got a call to be a facilitator/counselor for the LGBT center I go to. Apparently they said I'd be good for the job so this will an interesting year. I don't know how the new school year will work out, as my classes will now have to be changed around. However I am still optimistic.
As of this writing I have clinics tomorrow again. I don't know how confident I feel and honestly I'm scared. And while this isn't the first time I've done this, this is the first time I've had to do pre-op examinations, and being a student I feel ill-equipped.
But I know I can do it, and i look forward to that and the new year. I don't know what the consequences of my actions from last semester, and I'm terrified of the outcome.
But whatever happens happens.
I'm sorry if this is written terribly, with invariable sentence structure and an abundance of grammatical errors and boring sentence structure and diction. It has been a while since I've done a stream of consciousness and if I had more time I would go back and edit out superfluous information. Could you believe I used to be a decent creative writer back in the day? I miss my liberal arts classes.
I would like to thank eastshore easyspark , fasttrack37d, sorto, tonkaahote tripppup , and wolflover13
Without you guys I don't know what I'd do and where I'd be. Thank you for being there for me through thick and thin. I love you guys.
Thank you for the 2011 and I hope you'll stick with me in 2012 and beyond.
Well now, onto the future. "Adventure is out there!"
