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AvaBun

What do you do when...

by
... you find out that a guy who collaborated with people who were out to destroy you is hanging out with your friends regularly?

What do you say when you learn that he still finds you to be the absolute piece of shit he considered you as long ago?

How do you act when your friend finds him to be such a cool guy that he accommodates him by leaving you out of those fun events you used to enjoy?

How are you supposed to feel when your world turns on you for an undisclosed reason, and you have no proof that this person had anything to do with it beyond minor clues with coincidental wordings from those days when those people wanted to destroy you?

How do you cope with the feeling of isolation while being separated from events hosted or participated in by this accommodating friend?

How do you shrug the depression of knowing that you, and only you, are dramatically affected by the hole of affection and the lack of connection, while all of your friends still have complete contact, get invitations, and enjoy the company of a friend who no longer even thinks of you anymore?

What do you do when it feels like the only way to get something done is to stand up and shout, make noise, cause drama, demand attention, or else be completely forgotten?

What form of punishment is this that I suffer? Is it due punishment for what I've done...?

What have I done...?

Where do I go...?

What should I do...?


There is no way out of this hole of sorrow and confusion, so it swallows me in anger and rage.

How dare I be punished this way? What is a friend if I cannot go to him? Who am I, now that my logic of "my friendships define me" go to waste? Why does this bother me so...?

I haven't had nightmares in over 10 years... why do they return now?

Why are there so many questions, but no answers...?
Viewed: 86 times
Added: 6 years, 7 months ago
 
Shokuji
6 years, 7 months ago
=( That sounds terrible. I really hope things get better for you.

If these people really are your friends they wouldn't exclude you to begin with, but friendship is a 2-way street. Doing something on your side is just as required as them doing something on theirs.

If this guy who's out to destroy you is maliciously becoming buddy-buddy with your friends, I would just let your friends know the facts. Obviously something has told you that this guy hates you, so explain calmly, give warning without causing drama.

I'm sure you can work things out in time. Best of luck to you.
AvaBun
6 years, 7 months ago
Actually, they know already. Some of them were there when the drama took place and were defending me. It's not news, they're just taking his side at this point. Every discussion I've had over it results in me being blamed for being melodramatic and jumping to a conclusion, so I can't use those warnings as an 'excuse'.

I can only blame myself and hope to find out why I am later.
Shokuji
6 years, 7 months ago
Well if that's the case, the only thing you can do is ignore it. If you can't warn them, or they're not listening, then it will only cause more damage if you continue down that road. So ignore it, invite your friends to an event or two and rekindle things a bit. And if that doesn't help things at all, I would question the status of your friends.
sedkitty
6 years, 7 months ago
I have no answers, either.  All I know is that it must be frustrating to go through what you're going through right now. :/
Eiko
6 years, 7 months ago
You find someone else to be around. If the guy is as much of a jerk as you say, he'll expose himself to your other friends as such in time who, if they really are your friends, will have a warm apology for you. And if your friends just prefer that guys company and would ditch you in the long run, they probably weren't very good friends to begin with; keep this in mind when making new friends and learn from the experience. As for how to react to your current friends, assuming you haven't talked to them already about the matter, I second Shokuji's advice. :3 Best of luck.
prufen
6 years, 7 months ago
loneliness is data fed to the computer of the brain
RyuuKishi
6 years, 7 months ago
I move along. Any time wasted is my time being wasted and my time is short on this planet.
Ruffy
6 years, 7 months ago
It is very frustrating when things happen like that, and even more so to know that they happen more often than never.  Angering saddening and depressing to feel like you're fading away from friends and things you used to do and hang out with due to one manipulative person.  But really does it solve anything to feel that way? will it fix things and make them better if you stand up and call them out?  Will it make your once friends change even though they freely chose to follow this person?  Does it make sense to spend the time and effort trying to come to terms with people who probably didnt deserve you in the first place?  Or is it better to take your time, come to terms on your terms, and find people who are happy with you being nothing more than you and would be there to support you always being you?

Many times there is no "Why" just the frivolous decisions made by others that have more impact than they could have realized.
KevinSnowpaw
6 years, 7 months ago
one word...



Arsenic. :3
chiro
6 years, 7 months ago
all what i can say is, the entire life on the world is senseless o.O
i mean, what are you doing? just thing about it and you know how senseless the entire life is -___- its so extremly senseless that it got somehow a sense ö_ö (KILLING THE EARTH AND THE ENTIRE NATURE SYSTEM MUAHAHAHAAHAAAAA)
Aogami
6 years, 7 months ago
, When one of your friends befirends one of your enemies, its not fair to make them choose between you and you run the risk of losing them. But inaction runs that same risk. I think you should confront your friend, but don't be accusatory. Instead appeal to their better nature, express that you value their friendship and don't want to lose it. You're far more likely to remain friends this way than if you start an argument. Just ... bring it to their attention and say hey, you know we don't have to hang out at the same time as the guy who hates me all together but you and I can still be friends you know. There's no reason you can't be friends with both of us. I won't talk shit about him to you because he's your friend, and I hope that we can just get past this unpleasantness.

Anyways ... I hope it gets resolved :( /hugs
AvaBun
6 years, 7 months ago
You're absolutely right... But the argument was brought to me and all I could do was deal with the accusations and be shoved away. There was obviously a problem because I was being avoided, so because I valued the friendship, i pushed to find out what that problem was so I could address it.  It was all shoved back in my face. I've apologized more than I've gotten ahead...

I pray for resolution... or at the very least, that he knows the turmoil that I had to go through as a result of all of this.
Aogami
6 years, 7 months ago
I suppose if it's already come to a head and blown up there's not much to do but try and pick up the pieces. You could always appeal to your other friends in the group individually and try and find things to do with them that way instead of relying on these group events you're no longer being invited to
AvaBun
6 years, 7 months ago
Yes... I suppose that's really all that I have left. Thank you, Aoi
Aogami
6 years, 7 months ago
I've never been a group activities guy really myself. I feel like you get to know people better and develop closer bonds on an individual level. And hey don't be a stranger you know? I'm not gonna be around much cuz of the holidays but don't be shy and come say hi once in a while. I'm not scary xD
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