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shadamy4eve

the beast within...

Leave me alone, get out of my head I don’t want u anymore. Why must u haunt me, can I ever be free. I long to be free, to not feel the fear that builds within me. I wish u would just leave me, let me be. I don’t want to feel this pain anymore; I shouldn’t have to feel this pain. It won’t leave me alone, sometimes I feel happy. Then when night falls all is wrong, I can feel the evil, the hate inside me. Trying to be as free as it used to be.  I won’t let it, but each night it takes over and I have no control. I tried so hard to tell myself that it’s not me. Then inside I realize it is me and that is who I am. I can’t help it I thought it was gone, yet still it won’t leave. It sneaks its way back inside me and throws me in the dark, where I have no light. I feel tears as I notice that the dark is controlling me. I don’t want it to hurt me; I remember how many people it hurt. I can’t let it happen again. It’s that the dark evil me is always there with me, lurking around corners, it’s there when I’m awake and when I’m asleep. It is always by my side never leaving, it’s my shadow that won’t leave. My fear feeds it, I try not to think about it but now I can barley control it. The beast inside me screams and wails it wants to be free. It’s a killer, it wants to destroy me, and I fight it hoping to be let free. The harder I try, the heavier the chains that hold me down get. I fear soon that I will have no control and I will be lost, forever. I fear that the nightmare I lived will come back again; I just don’t want it to come back. I want it gone forever!! It won’t leave me alone, I want to be left alone. I don’t like to be controlled! I beg and pled let me free I beg please, let me free. I want to be as I was, not a monster that everyone fears. I don’t want to be feared I want to be loved. I can’t help that it controls me so. Forgive me those I’ve hurt, I want the beast inside me gone, I won’t hurt u again. I only ask that you don’t leave me, hold my hand when I need u. I’m helpless against it please don’t let it take me away. I fear myself, and I fear for you who will witness the beast controlling me. I’m sorry but that is me. I can’t control it I need help, but help never comes. When hope comes, I think that I’m me again. The beast tricked me and I was trapped. Trapped in a world of darkness and pain, a world I wanted to leave.  Please hear my cries and help me out of this hell, grab my hand and pull me out of the dark. I want to be free, can you help me? I only wish you could, but just as me u are nothing compared to the beast. If u think you can beat it, if u want to take the beast and set me free. I will plead and scream at you “stop!” the beast is to wise. It will make u think its down then u will be his. He will pull u into the dark and chain u down next to me. There we will spend the rest of our lives.  I will plead and cry and everything will repeat. No one can escape the beast, for the beast is me.
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Added: 6 years, 12 months ago
 
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