Week 1 - Smells like Victory
As my close friends know, I was assigned male at birth but identify as female. Last Friday marks the beginning of my medical transition to my actual gender using hormone replacement therapy, and I want to document my progress each week here. I have a lot of feels about this subject but I’ll try to keep things concise.
To begin, my regimen consists of 2x50mg Spironolactone tablets a day and one .06mg/day Estradiol transdermal patch a week. My doctor has been fantastic, allowing me to choose the methods I feel best for me. I chose the patch for carrying the fewest risks and most consistent dosing, besides leaving an ugly rash and sometimes itching like crazy, and being difficult to keep on after a shower, and… well. The alternatives still aren’t very enticing. After a few months getting used to these meds, and after having more blood drawn to check my levels I will begin taking progesterone to round out my development.
On the physical side of things, this past week has been a roller coaster. On day one, I went to work on my usual weekend double shift. I can’t remember ever feeling as drained as I did that day from having my testosterone suddenly blocked. It was like donating blood on zero sleep and going up to a high altitude all at once. Day two was much better as my body started getting used to “the new meta.” That night, I had an unusual coldness in all my extremities. The next few days I experienced some leg twitches and an old thing where I occasionally get this specific light pattern in my vision (a lot like staring at bright lights.) That thing comes and goes and I haven’t seen it much this year at all. Now, thankfully all these little things seem to be evening out and I feel mostly healthy.
I’ve noticed some small changes in my body already. My sweat has taken a slightly different smell. It’s less sharp..? I guess. It’s much more pleasant and less sticky/cloying now. My breasts haven’t grown much, but my nipples have become so much more sensitive! When I touch them, I acutely feel my hand with them, and it’s always pleasurable. Besides new found interest in my chest, masturbation habits are largely unchanged. I’ve been looking at my face in the mirror more, and while I can’t say for certain that it’s changed any, it looks very slightly different to me. Could be I’ve just been smiling a whole lot more. Which brings us…
To the emotional side. Just wow! I finally feel like myself! I’ve never felt like the masculine traits my anatomy has bestowed upon me were in any way justified on this body, and seeing them slowly melt away feels incredible. Overall I have this new, constant sense of being happy in my own skin. What I noticed on day two was things at work that would normally have me shouting mad were just not phasing me. I still get just as annoyed at dumb stuff, but a lot of my nonconstructive rage is just gone. Incidentally I’ve been having a lot more fun playing Overwatch since I don’t get automatically mad at myself when I do something wrong. Turns out it is just a game!
In summary, I have zero doubts that transitioning is right for me. I’m waking up every day excited to spend time getting to know my body, now that it’s going through the puberty it should have had many years ago! I hope at the very least someone finds these ramblings educational, because I plan on updating my progress every week around Saturday. Thank you for reading, and take care of yourselves! (I’ll know if you don’t >:C)
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8 years, 3 months ago
03 Sep 2016 08:40 CEST
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