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I guess on some level people like to read stuff about others; you know, have a bit of a nosey in their lives and what have you. Well here's a little opportunity for you to read some crap about me and for me to vent, so win-win I guess.

I've had a pretty shit day today; every day is a bit meh and I can usually deal with it fine but today is a temporary lapse in my mental strength so I've been on a total downer. I help look after my mother, keep her spirits up and shit like that since she's extremely depressed and lonely at the moment. She had a nervous breakdown a few years back and attempted suicide and I had to sort out that mess. So yeah, she's still pretty fucked and has trouble seeing a point to staying alive. We have a few phone calls every day, except for a few days a week where I stay over at her place to keep her company. She's always crying and I'm having to comfort her and try and convince her that being alive is worth it.

Funny really, as someone who doesn't believe in any god or any afterlife I guess many people would themselves wonder what point I see to living and I'll be honest, I don't really have a specific point in mind. To me, life itself is enough, to breathe instead of facing the void. I've had my own shit for a very long time, my own issues that I've had to deal with but despite that I've also taken on the role of being strong for others, like my mother. The consequence of this is that there's nobody to take the burden for me when I need it. I'm not one to seek help from others, especially over the internet where text just doesn't do anything useful (companionship is the best therapy) and, to be honest, I do pretty well anyway because of my faithful partner, whom I've been with for 7 years.

I just wish my mother could get help soon so I don't feel like I'm in this alone, because seeing her like this isn't easy. Her mother, my grandma, is also very ill at the moment and she might have lung cancer; if she's seriously ill and/or has cancer that'll mean my mother will end up being even more fucked and I'm not looking forward to any of it. Egh, pain in the ass all this. Still though, I'll keep drawing whenever I can since it's one of those things that can help keep me preoccupied. I'd like to thank everyone who commissions me and helps me pay the rent as a result, not to mention some much-needed leisure money.

That's it anyway.
Viewed: 170 times
Added: 7 years, 2 months ago
7 years, 2 months ago
I hope things get better with your mom. She may have depression, have you talked to her about seeing a doctor?
7 years, 2 months ago
She does have depression, had it for years, she's on a waiting list now for professional help.
7 years, 2 months ago
Good to hear. I hope something happens soon. The worst part about depression is you know you are a burden on others, which just makes you sadder.

One of my friends suffers from depression, and when she isn't doing so good me and the rest of her friends rented out the community center (The small one in our town) And kinda had a nice little party. It always makes her feel better. Does your mother have friends? Maybe they could all get together and have lunch one day, take alittle stress off of you, and try to make her feel better.
7 years, 2 months ago
*HUGS YOU* I hope for the best for you and your family.
7 years, 2 months ago
Having a depressed parent is never easy for children who care.  I hope she'll get some well-needed help from professionals, friends, and other family members.  That should help take the burden off of you.  All I can say is I wish you and your mother the best and I genuinely hope she'll find a motivation for living.

P.S.  As an atheist myself, I hope your mom can change her perspective about life for the better.  There is no known ulterior meaning for our general existence, but the ones we make for ourselves.  You can quote me on that!  (; ))
7 years, 2 months ago
that sucks Roar... I wish I could help. I hate it when that kind of thing happens to my parents.

when my Grandmother passed away, my dad almost committed suicide with me there (I was a young kid of around 12). I think that scared me more than anything on this planet ever has, and I barely even talk with my dad, so I can only immagine what its like for you.

I wish you the best of luck and any happiness you can find though ^_^
7 years, 2 months ago
Erf...  I wish there was something I could do to help, Roarey.  I know I'm in a fair bit of a powerless position from over here, but I still worry for you.  :-[
7 years, 2 months ago
I'll be fine, just now and then I have a day or so where it gets on top of me, so I have a downer for a bit and then go back to normal afterwards. Tis no big deal, I just wanted to vent somewhere because I so rarely do it.
7 years, 2 months ago
I had no idea. =/ I'm really sorry to hear all this, I just hope it gets lots better for you really quickly. Best of luck to you.
7 years, 2 months ago
I'm really sorry for you Roarz, it certainly is tough and I wish I could help you or someone else would. I'm glad though that you have your mate besides you
7 years, 2 months ago
Hey man I'm there for you, I hope things get better for you, my Father is that same way after my Mother passed away, some days are really hard, but its good to be there to help them.

I'm here to help buddy. ^_^
7 years, 2 months ago
You're a strong guy, Roarey.
7 years, 2 months ago
I know it takes a lot of strength, sometimes courage to do what you do for your mother and also to keep yourself motivated. I hope you will keep finding the energy to help your mom despite any situation that will show up and that somehow it will all end up good for you and your family.
And remember, you can always count on us. I know that it's just a bunch of letters on the Internet, but remember that behind everything you have real ppl, that I'm sure care about you to some extent. And talking always cheers me up, so you may try this too ^^

Randy~ :3
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