I guess on some level people like to read stuff about others; you know, have a bit of a nosey in their lives and what have you. Well here's a little opportunity for you to read some crap about me and for me to vent, so win-win I guess.
I've had a pretty shit day today; every day is a bit meh and I can usually deal with it fine but today is a temporary lapse in my mental strength so I've been on a total downer. I help look after my mother, keep her spirits up and shit like that since she's extremely depressed and lonely at the moment. She had a nervous breakdown a few years back and attempted suicide and I had to sort out that mess. So yeah, she's still pretty fucked and has trouble seeing a point to staying alive. We have a few phone calls every day, except for a few days a week where I stay over at her place to keep her company. She's always crying and I'm having to comfort her and try and convince her that being alive is worth it.
Funny really, as someone who doesn't believe in any god or any afterlife I guess many people would themselves wonder what point I see to living and I'll be honest, I don't really have a specific point in mind. To me, life itself is enough, to breathe instead of facing the void. I've had my own shit for a very long time, my own issues that I've had to deal with but despite that I've also taken on the role of being strong for others, like my mother. The consequence of this is that there's nobody to take the burden for me when I need it. I'm not one to seek help from others, especially over the internet where text just doesn't do anything useful (companionship is the best therapy) and, to be honest, I do pretty well anyway because of my faithful partner, whom I've been with for 7 years.
I just wish my mother could get help soon so I don't feel like I'm in this alone, because seeing her like this isn't easy. Her mother, my grandma, is also very ill at the moment and she might have lung cancer; if she's seriously ill and/or has cancer that'll mean my mother will end up being even more fucked and I'm not looking forward to any of it. Egh, pain in the ass all this. Still though, I'll keep drawing whenever I can since it's one of those things that can help keep me preoccupied. I'd like to thank everyone who commissions me and helps me pay the rent as a result, not to mention some much-needed leisure money.
That's it anyway.
6 years, 11 months ago
10 Dec 2011 02:49 CET