"pushing my buttons"
it's a phrase everyone has either heard, or used. you have to get to know someone pretty well to know what buttons to push, so only someone that has the time to learn those buttons can really push all of your buttons.
I have a few buttons. normally I like buttons. I have buttons on my keyboard, I have a lot of buttons on my phone, I'm an older fashion button kinda guy.
but when it comes to arguments, I have a few hot buttons that take me from cool, calm, collected directly into PISSED THE FUCK OFF RIGHT NOW.
Interrupting me while I'm talking. I'm not 5 any more. when I was 5 having "an adult" interrupt me and talk over me was normal. I was the kid, they were the adult, I just needed to shut the fuck up and listen. I have not been 5 years old for over 36 years now. I am more than old enough that my opinion amongst family and friends should be given reasonable hearing. I AM rather intelligent, and I have a lot of life experiences. lemme finish kanye (or however that guy spells his name)
LYING TO ME. I'd rather an unpleasant truth than a pleasant LIE. just tell me the truth, be polite about it if you can, but tell me the truth. I've been lied to enough in my life.
Strawman arguments. demanding time dates when where witnesses and signed depositions ever anything even slightly referenced. because those bunny trail off the topic. EVERY TIME. it's a way to argue minutia and for the other person to change the topic so I loose. Period. has nothing to do with FACTS, it's all distraction
Ad Hominem attacks, insults and name calling. does nothing to further the conversation. all it does is piss me off so I'm to angry to thing of all of the things that need to be brought up.
accusing me of never doing anything, or not being able to do anything, or not understanding what needs to be done... just a few examples.
YES, there is a reason I'm writing this journal, NO I am not going to go into details. mainly because there is more than one reason, the secondary reason is I've been meaning to write this for a while and just hadn't gotten around to it yet.
Lack of inspiration to write is another thing that pisses me off, which means I am usually pissed off because I am not inspired to write very often anymore.
*Sigh* I try to understand other peoples side of an argument. not so I can dismantle it, but because there is always the possibility that I might be wrong. I am imperfect, I'm a guy after all. I can prove I'm imperfect, I'm Divorced.
another thing that pushes my buttons is when I explain what's pissing me off, and the other person refuses to understand my point. I understand Them. I've usually heard their arguments a few times, repeatedly, or from other people. I KNOW what they mean, and why. but understanding does not me I have to surrender MY position.
One Example: my brother has a back problem, he can't lift much. it's medical, I understand that, I'm not dismissing it. I've seen the pictures. but there is one thing I have been asking him for years to do, and it's still not done. when I ask why, I get the same excuses over and over again that he's been giving me for years.
I have a boat. no, it's not in the water because it was purchased with a bad motor. a week later I paid $1,000 for a motor. a couple months later I paid for a crane (cherrypicker) to install the new motor.
a few years later the crane got sold off and a new smaller one was bought.
and there STILL isn;t enough room in the garage to do the work.
there are a TON of details I am leaving out, and there is a BUNCH of stuff that isn't relevant to this. I'm JUST presenting one side of the facts here.
money was spent, again and again, and it's still not done years later.
YEARS.
every spring I get promised that something will be done, and every fall I get promised that it'll be in the water by spring. rinse and repeat. you get the drill.
WHY is not important to this. I'm patient, and nothing gets done. I press, and I get yelled at, insulted, accused of not understanding, and excuses.
this isn't JUST my brother. it's every fucking relationship I've ever had, every roommate I ever had. every bindlestiff and grifter that's ever used me and thrown me away.
I must be natures MARK. lemme define mark for those who might not know carny slang: Mark — A townsperson you believe to be a conspicuously easy victim. The ticket booth would have a high counter, above the average person's eyesight, and when the ticket-seller spotted a towny with a big bankroll he might would short-change the customer, leaving the change on the counter. If the customer didn't notice or didn't count his change, the ticket-seller would lean over to give him some "friendly" advice about the best attractions, putting his hand on the customer's shoulder to point him toward a show he simply must see, simultaneously dusting his back with chalk from a hidden supply. If the customer instead complained about the wrong change, the ticket seller could always push the remaining change to him and say "I told you to take it." And what does an agent do when he spots a mark? He "plays" him - that's right, just like you play a hooked fish. But a carny truism is, "Always leave the mark a dollar for gas." With gas money he can go home (you don't want him stuck there to raise a beef).
i.e. the mark is a sucker, and his money is for the taking.
when it comes to my brother, I have very few recourses because he has drawn line sin the sand that I can't cross without getting kicked out of his house.
II am not allowed to say "I pay your bills" even though I do. most of the time I do not complain, usually I will ask when me stuff is going to be worked on, and I never get an answer, just the same excuses.
I am not permitted to mention "The Nuclear Option" which is I stop paying bills and move out. because that puts WAY too much pressure on him and he's stressed out enough as it is.
I'm not allowed to give orders. about anything. it's not my house, I have no right to. I've only been paying $1200 to $1700 a month for three and a half years, where was I for the first 7 years he owned the house before that? (forgetting, or just not bothering to remember I was paying $400 to $1,000 a month for the previous 5 years for the privileged of living in a camper out in the back yard or along side the garage 4 days a month)
sorry, I'm trying not to get pissed off or use this to offend my brother. but I have no one else I can vent to, so INTERNET, you get to hear it. it's not like anyone ever bothers to read my scribblings anyway.
Yes, I have tried repeatedly over the years to talk to my brother about all this. and look at the above list... need I explain further? right.
now, he has buttons too. and I TRY not to push them... I try HARD not to piss him off the way he seems to DELIBERATELY go Out Of His FUCKING WAY to piss me off... but sometimes... I just gotta punch the fucking buttons REALLY good and hard.
what is his button? he has a few. "Oh, your yelling, I don't have to listen you anymore" is probably the one he hates the most.
YES. I smashed that one with a FUCKING HAMMER tonight. after he hit each and every single one of my buttons REPEATEDLY.
did he MEAN to push my buttons? I do not know. we've talked about them, repeatedly. we've said we wouldn't, repeatedly. we've apologized, Repeatedly. (do you sense a pattern here?) and yet it keeps fucking happening. I'm not always the offending party, but I am not completely innocent (you wouldn't believe me even if I was)
I Understand my mental issues, and can name most of them. not many people can do that. my brother refuses to admit he has issues that need addressing, which I think is part of his problem, but I'm opinionated.
Tags: rant vent pissed off tl;dr
