So, enclosed further are, as the title implies, a lot of thoughts and commentaries, hopefully not too long so to spare the time of anyone who might actually decide to read it, gathered over the second (and a half) year of my being in the fandom. Enjoy, or don't. Spout rage, hate, encouragement, or comparisons. Your thoughts are your own, and if you took the time to read this and comment, I thank you in advance.
The first thing I must say is that I've met a lot of different people. Artistic and not. Writers, singers, photographers, and whatever other talents people can have. Of course, there are plenty of people whom just commission art from others, but there's nothing wrong with that either~. I've had all sorts of relationships with people of all different sexes, gender identities and expressions, and sexualities. No matter whether these interactions went well or not, I've had something to learn from all of them.
One of the things I started discovering through my interactions a little over a year ago was my own identity, as a femboy, considerably helping my sense of self... Though not quite my self-esteem. To girls, whom I used to mock for worrying about things such as the finer points of clothing, hair, makeup, other bits of general appearance, and bodily image - sizes and shapes all included - I now understand... And thus deeply apologize.
That said, however, it's very nice to not at all feel restricted in my mannerisms, interests, or appearance, merely based on cultural gender-role stereotyping. Shortly, it's just great to be myself~.
Though of course there are plenty of exceptions, femboys, especially in the fandom (and perhaps it just me being my shy, awkward self, but I've had people tell me this about myself as well) seem to come across as distant, to hard to approach, to plain old elitist in some cases... Which to me, is a bit bothersome, for two main reasons; the first being that we often already portray ourselves somewhat as sluts, cum-dumpsters, and generic sexual objects, and the second being that we sometimes have negative attitudes and pretenses of who can and can't be a femboy, harming those whom are themselves attempting to adapt to and act out their own femboy-ness with confidence.
A lot of the well known femboys are known through the frequent, high quality commissions they buy, often being sexual in nature, though some are known for their art as well. These commissions will popularize characters, and thus their owners, Owners will respond as they will, of course, though, I don't personally know them, so I won't judge nor dictate on that matter. However, these artworks depict femboys in a highly idealized light, often with figures that some girls could never realistically match. This gives an impossible expectation for any real femboy to live up to, except in rarer cases. In this art, femboy characters also never show much effort to be their cute cuddly selves, and absolutely effeminate, to the point where each one, properly cross-dressing (and sometimes even without), reach the level of trap, looking nearly 100% like a girl... Though, the blatant sexual content of the art they appear in means that, in many cases, there are some clear hints as to the character's physical sex. Lastly... When people look at sexually explicit art, most of them are not too concerned with who the characters in the art are, aside from names, for the purpose of finding more art of the same character. This sort of thing does not encourage thought of femboys as actual, real, down-to-earth people, which could have effects on people newly associating with the label, making themselves feel lesser, and even on their own.
The second problem relates to our attitudes and predispositions regarding femboys. We often think of femboys having to be all short, petite, curvy guys, with longer hair and the likes... Which are all nice things. But in reality, if a guy is a femboy if he says he is a femboy. It's about how a person identifies himself, based on what he feels femboy is, not based on if others would call him a femboy. Whether short, tall, thin, pudgy, emo, goth, hipster, nerdy, a gamer, etc., etc., a person can still exhibit feminine behaviors, and thus might identify as a femboy. However, our expectations can lead to us falsely and wrongfully expecting that all people who identify as femboys must also be thin, curvy males, with generally longer hairstyles. As a result, this can cause, (as it has for me) a lot of issues dealing with bodily image, and may even bar a person from identifying in this way, when they normally would, or being willing to openly express it. This further complicates an issue which is normally already stressful for new-and-potential femboys, what with all of societal norms already working against them, along with the groups of social conservatives whom especially enforce those norms. Further, the actual process of getting used to acting as a femboy can be very hard, as well, even without the all-too-common addition of wanting to put on makeup and/or effeminate clothing and fashion, which can take a lot of hard work (someone has to take a lot of time, to keep the entirety of their body clean-shaven, their skin moisturized and soft, and hair well-kept, after all), and a lot of trial-and-error, though some great tumblr blogs are out there, dedicated to showing that anyone can be a femboy, and helping eliminate at least some of the trial-and-error processes of figuring out various types of bodily upkeep, as well as finding clothes and styles that look good and feel comfortable.
Some guys are skinny, some are chubby, or portly, or whatever... But if someone feels a certain way, they should in no way be discouraged, intentionally or no, to be themselves, whoever that is~
As a related side-note, these sorts of distant attitudes (maybe it's also social awkwardness, I'll admit), have made it extremely difficult to find other femboys as friends, though I've certainly made some attempts. Again, I'll concede that perhaps my own social awkward-ness, shyness, and tendency to worry plays a role in how I perceive others' reactions to me... I actually definitely does... (In my defense, being polite and respectful, versus wanting to be really cuddly with like... everything... all the time... can be rather tough. ^^; ) But this is a shame, because I know I could feel a lot better, as could other people, and more confident, too, if supported by other like-minded people with similar interests and goals in mind.
Well... Anyways... Within the past year, I first identified as a femboy, eventually became confident with the label, overcame a fair bit (but not all) of my self-consciousness and self-esteem issues, found various supportive non-femboy people (Thank you... Yes, all of you. It means the world to me.), and bought and wore effeminate clothes in public (just a female-cut purple v-neck t-shirt... but it's still progress). I'll myself continue my own progress towards this, and wish everyone also on this path, or even any other path of their own, best of luck.
Further sidenote: I have learned other things, such as how important honesty and good communication can be in both a friendship and a relationship, and how to better understand oneself. Thank you again for all the people I've talked to, no matter how briefly, or even how tragic it is, for my experiences with you all mean a lot to me, and help me to learn more about you and myself both.
TL DR: Femboys make it harder for newer femboys to feel confident, and bars others from considering themselves in that manner. Femboy friends would be a great thing to have. Little progress updates and mushy stuff.
Thanks for reading~ As stated waaaaaayyyyy up at the top, any comments on the above material is highly encouraged. It lets me know that at least one person read all this and thought on it~ And even if only one person dedicates time to read and think on my own thoughts, I'll know my efforts recording them all here haven't been wasted~
Oh, and Happy Holidays~! ^^
