You really might not want to read this.
This is a rant journal - and it will be deleted. I am just so fucking angry right now that I need to write it down.
This will contain lots of bad language.
I swear to God - I don't need a hobby that makes me want to slit my wrists. WHY CAN'T I FUCKING DRAW?! Some days it's okay, some days it's FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. I just want to do one little picture - just something for a sick friend. I just want to do it and have something nice to show that I care. I love what I see in my head - it's all there, just have to put it down - and I start, and I erase, and I start, AND I GODDAMN ERASE, AND I START OVER, AND I FUCKING SNAP.
I draw. I DRAW A FUCKING LOT! I draw so goddamn much, and it's always FUCKED. I like the picture I'm working on the first fucking 50 TIMES I REDRAW THE GODDAMN THING. Then it gets a little old.
I don't fucking know my basic anatomy. Sing it with me! I DON'T GODDAMN WELL KNOW MY BASIC ANATOMY. I CAN'T BUILD STRUCTURE FOR SHIT. I KEEP GOING BACK TO THE SAME GODDAMN POSES BECAUSE I KNOW I'LL SPEND THE NEXT 10 GODDAMN HOURS REDRAWING THE SAME SHIT, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO IT RIGHT!!!
I have a backlog of shit that I can't get done. Sketches. MOTHERFUCKING SKETCHES. I want to finish this shit so fucking bad I can taste it, like fucking blood in my mouth. I WILL KEEP BEATING MY FUCKING HEAD AGAINST THIS WALL TILL ONE OF US BREAKS, CAUSE WHY? I FUCKING LEARNED IT WRONG THE FIRST TIME!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUCK YOU INABILITY, FUCK YOU ERASER, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU BRAIN - FUCKING JUST DRAW THAT SHIT GODDAMN IT. WHY WON'T YOU WORK?!?!?!?! WHY CAN I SEE IT AND NOT BE ABLE TO DRAW IT!?
7 years, 6 months ago
30 Aug 2011 17:08 CEST