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Applejackcountry

Feeling Alone

Scrolling through Facebook, I found something that made me sad. It was a post on a page asking about my favorite moment from Mr. Robin Williams. I decided to share my thoughts on Patch Adams. I love the movie. My nursing class watched it and my fiance and I would watch Patch Adams all the time before he got locked up in prison. Well, thinking back on one of our dates when we watched Patch Adams together, something hit inside my heart. I've been without my fiance since last September. It's going on a year he's been locked away. My requests to see him have been rejected to a case I already had open. I'm not in trouble with the law. I was going after full custody of my nephews and the state didn't want me going out of state. I didn't get custody of them due to family complications. Get the thoughts out of your head he was the issue. He wasn't. My sister was still messing around with the douch bag who fathered the youngest three and the oldest nephew's father's sister was going for custody of him. Any who! I'm rambling about that.

As I was saying, my fiance has been locked up since last September. I haven't been able to see him. Only get phone calls and letters. I'm use to him being there when I need him. Rolling over with him in my bed when I have a nightmare or just our random silliness. If I was having a bad day, he would do this skit where he starts having a conversion with himself. And when he was down, I would make a silly face and talk in a stupid voice. He's my best friend and one of the sweetest guys you'd ever come across. It's really hard thinking of him in that hell hole with all of those mean and nasty people. He's made a few friends and they watch his back from the gang bangers. That's a huge weight off my shoulders. His family has seen him a couple times. Another huge weight off my shoulders. At least someone can see him.

I feel so alone right now. So hurt and half here. I don't have my best friend at my side and the other half of my heart is missing. It’s hard. I’m not going to lie. Every single day, I feel so lonely. My family isn’t any help. They tell me to move on from him and find someone else. I can’t. I won’t. I love the man with all my heart. People talk about soul mates and toss around ‘love’ a lot. You guys have no idea what it’s like to actually worry about the one you love. To actually know every single day that they are in trouble and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. I worry every single day that I’m going to hear he’s been shanked and he’s in the hospital. I want him home and in my arms.

Okay, this rant isn’t going how I wanted it. What I really want to say is I feel so alone right now. I miss my fiance and right now, I feel so alone. 
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Added: 9 years, 7 months ago
 
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