Dont mind me.

So, I have known this for a awhile now I guess I have been trying to lie myself. But I am bother to a lot of people I care for them, I try the hardest I can to care for them, to ease their pain, or maybe even make it go away, but the responds I get 9/10 times is no. And know it isnt meant to be, like a punch to the face or anything, but I feel like its then that really I feel like its more of a cut, like they stabbed me, because I was trying to steal their humanity, when all I was trying to do is give them what of mine I have life. Therefore this is me saying sorry for what I have done, and even more sorry for what I will do, because in me burn a fire, a fire of will, that my falter when times are hard, but then will come back stronger the next time. Now I know this all sounded like nonsense and nobody will ever read thing shit, but I feel that I needed to vent this and more. See I have felt the pain and hate directed towards me by others, and family members, loved ones, and myself too your not alone, I wanna help. I came close to trying to kill myself before because of the people that did things to me. But it seems all I gain is more pain I come out hurt worse then when I came to help, and when I do feel pain I dont cry, I probably only cried at least 2 in a year. I havent been able to find the person to help me, but I continue to help other in pain I guess its kinda a self destructive life-style but if I dont try then their might not be someone out there who will. I have felt like just a pile of shit before, just because someone disliked me and felt like it was there mission I guess, will the only thing a can say to that person is thank you because there is good that came from that, I came back stronger. Because that person didnt care for me and I wasnt trying to help him, cause he didnt need it and now I dont hate them cause I cant and it woudnt be right. But when someone I am trying to help does it, it kinda makes me feel worthless, but I cant stay down case there are others who would need me. So I wonder and wondered for a long time, how many people would care if I just disappeared? I kinda feel like a protagonist of a story but if you think about it arent we all one of our own story so why are you allowing people and emotions to control you last time I checked you control yourself. Anyway sorry for me rumbling, hope everyone has a good future!