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Shyanne

Dear Diary - Entry 1

Emotionally I'm a mess..but it feels better when I put my thoughts down into words and verbalize it. Expect much grammar mistakes in these and if anyone is watching..i apologize ahead of time..

I know I suck at drawing lol (no not every entry will be about art or depression but this is where i start) I have been drawing since 09..and sometimes I feel I should be better than I am, and at other times (rare times) I'm rather proud of myself. For some reason I'm very..in the lines/by the book. Thats me about everything, if I find something i like, say a pair of jeans that fit comfortably, I'll only ever buy that brand of jeans from that moment on. Ever..i won't try something new or a new pair because I'm comfortable and reliable. You can add that to any other aspect of my life. Food, cars, clothing. I have one thing I like and always rely on it. Well, not so much food but other stuff..Change is scary and frightening to me. So..it's very hard for me to experiment/try new things. I think this is the major problem with my art. and while I do like drawing babies..my goal is to draw good/decent anime style pictures. In order for me to do this, I must learn new things, shift, and get good at this new style. again..new=bad new=hard..so it's reallly tempting for me to fall back into the safety blanket that is my art style. another thing, i know it shouldn't bother me much..but..commissions. It always comes back to commissions, why do i care? :c it's def not the money lol my prices are low and fair ($7 for flat art is fair right?) it's not about the money but if someone commissions an artist, they like that artist's work, they are willing to spend money on a drawing by that artist. Sure you offer free art, ppl will jump at that chance even if they don't like the style. Commissions shows that they like your style and enjoy your art. Sure I get comments (altho not comments on FA on pictures..>.>) that my art is cute..but apparently not good enough or wanted to warrent a measely price tag. Im not saying all this to beg for commissions :c but I see others (i don't want to name names) who are roughly the same area I am at art, getting commissions pretty easily and some of their styles isn't appealing to me, but they always seem to get ppl wanting commissions, getting more comments on their art other than one word "cute" ones. I know I shouldn't compare my self with others..but it's really hard when you see someone and you think "wow ppl are willing to pay for that art style yet not for mine? I must be doing something wrong or something?" maybe it is all a popularity contest after all..and I never win at those lol but that's a topic for a different entry.. And I can't even do those raffles anymore as I was trying to get ppl to post a journal linking to mine but that's not allowed anymore so how else will I spread my art out there so more ppl can enjoy it? :c Honestly I'd be surprised if anyone did enjoy it..v.v And I guess maybe I should try again at learning with a tablet. But if I do, the quality in inking is going to go way the hell down and even less ppl will like it :S I also learned I can't take criticism very well either. I mean it depends and how it's presented. if someone says "Hey, your art is coming along great, altho you may want to work on proportions a bit more" I'm fine with that. However criticisms like "Your art sucks, your art is dead and emotionless, work on everything! Everything sucks!" That shit just makes me never want to pick up a pencil again..v.v and that is a paraphrase of a real criticism. And the ppl who said that weren't even that great at drawing..but ya..v.v now I'm scared to draw cause ppl will just say mean things about it. And then there are some artists..(no naming who) who think you should always draw like them/their style.. "Dude, you got to put that lil curved line in the muzzle, etc." No..i don't like that look, i've tried it a bunch of times and it didn't look good..>.> anyway I can't think of anything else to say about it than that. And I understand that good art takes awhile and alot of practicing..I thought about/tried to do a cheeap iron artist thing but..no one wanted to do that either. I prlly couldn't even sell it for $1..>.> maybe I'll try one of those 1 sketch a day for a year things..I don't want this to bother me, i try not to. I don't want to become so jaded that in the future if/when I get good I'll never draw commissions for ppl because no one wanted them when I was still learning..v.v *sighs* at least I can pretend to be a artist tho eh? :P
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Added: 10 years, 2 months ago
 
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