Since I'm still living with my parents, I've been stuck as a Jehovah's Witness for quite some time now. They drag me to church on a regular basis and it's just diminishing my faith in God altogether. I'm beginning to question the need for God, and even there is some things about God that we can never possibly understand. Maybe how the universe came to be and how we are alive doesn't have to do with God and it's too big and complex that we'll never understand it. I am unsure of my sexuality. I don't have any chances to be alone with girls and I'm still a virgin. I have been regularly visiting this site to see what kinds of pornography gets me aroused, but I am uncomfortable with nearly all kinds of pornography. I have some asexual tendencies, but my openly sexual fantasies have been almost exclusively women. I have a bit of a hypnosis and submission fetish which I'm still trying to figure out. When I have fantasies about hypnosis and submission, they are with men and women but not openly sexual. When I do get aroused, it has to do directly with hypnosis and submission and not with gender. This has been puzzling to me and maybe this has to do with the religion I've been raised in and deep down I've been programmed to shun this stuff, maybe my submission fetish has been the result of me being programmed to submit to the watchtower society. I will eventually leave the religion, but I cannot get comfortable with my sexuality and stand up for myself and it is just incredibly confusing.
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11 years, 6 months ago
05 Nov 2013 20:24 CET
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