Everything seems to lead to having a meltdown nowadays. I've stopped doing a lot of stuff cuz I make horrible mistakes like sending my brother's birthday present to the old house and just, there's nothing I can do about it I ate $40
I just can't seem to make finished art anymore, most of what I make is shit I put zero effort into for shitposts. I haven't made a full finished comic since 2014, and everything that followed was unfinished lineart that mostly was ignored.
Rightfully so, like the first issue was unfinished, why did I put that out?
I wish I saved the website before I deleted it but I was in such a distraught, I almost nuked this place but someone gave me the ability to just hide everything so that's why here and dA are the only places that still exist fully.
Well, until dA changed its ToS to "we can ban whoever we want for any reason because the ToS is vague enough to do so" so I had to mercy kill two decades of history.
I wanted to rescan my old art and make a new website to show all the old stuff to replace dA since literally every place is going to be victim of fascism and eroding of humanity to be palatable for mcdonalds ads.
Tho I also wanted to draw shit for my let's plays and make the Jennis Gang comic but I just can't... I get so overwhelmed thinking about it.
Everything is so huge.
The thing that sucks is I love my art, I love looking at my old stuff. i was good! Just... I can't do it anymore and I wonder if I should accept it.
Like should I get rid of the art aspect of my let's plays? Should I just put up all my supplies and just be a LPer?
I envy people who can do flat colors cuz I try and it never ever ever looks right, like I need my art to be soft.
Another reason I think of this is cuz I've been seeing the doctor to see if I have heart problems cuz I share symptoms with my cousin who had CHF and had to have 60lbs of fluids removed and a defibrillator put in his chest, he'll never drive again.
So far the tests show my heart isn't bad, but I def have some problems and that problem might be the liver.
Like what if I die or something before I make this comic? I guess if I'm dead I am physically incapable of caring.
Aunno, I don't think I'll ever be able to print this. part of me hoped I could save money and just hire colorists or something.
Like the furry dA collab era of Sonic the Hedgehog is dear to me, no matter how much people dislike long-hair sad wet beast square-eyed sonic. I loved the diversity, it's kind of a goal to use many art styles and hire guest artists if I could.
Tho I literally have $30 until next month and helping mom with debt so like, just... that's never happening ROFL
Disability would have to be overhauled like a bitch for my life to get good.
Aunno, y'all are prolly the biggest group that cares about me (tho I guess tumblr's been getting popular) so I figured I'd post here aunno.
I guess I peaked in 2011? Aunno.
I just wish I could have done more than survive this past decade.
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4 months ago
08 Feb 2024 13:01 CET
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