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A Most Atrocious Enemy
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A Most Unenthused Crew Unit

100 TC: Fun

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  This relates to the story as well =o namely when Smiley realizes that it has been talking to Spork, not Mr. Smith. If you wanna read it I did copy part of it below for ya.

  Mr. Smith was a scary guy. Brownish orange shirt, black pants, blue helmet with a rainbow visor and a long, thin, gray tail that split near the tip into two; each with a magenta eye. Scary man as I was saying.

 It was then that I made the wrong move. Or well to be fair, I couldn’t have helped it. Maybe if Cedric hadn’t been so adamant about keeping his lawn green with those sprinklers. Maybe if he’d just come outside and get a little exercise doing it by hand. Maybe if I hadn’t been walking backwards. Just maybe I wouldn’t have tripped over those very sprinklers.

 “I’m sorry I was spying on your elite forces at the training facility! I only wanted to assess what levels of opposition we had and perhaps steal them all for myself.  I eat three square meals a day and remember to floss fairly regulaaaarlllly!”

 Looking back now I’m not entirely sure what importance that last part had in the matter. Naturally, good hygiene is fundamental for a good soldier, but it seems almost misplaced now. Perhaps some of Command Center had been out to lunch when typing up that script, I’m not sure.

 “What’s your problem?”

 I put my Tears, Final Moments and Parting Words on hold for a second as I glanced up at Mr. Smith again. That was not the response I had been expecting you see. Perhaps something more along the lines of, foolish alien, I will now eat you with my fangs, etc.

 Mr. Smith did not seem prepared to eat me though upon secondary observation. He was just standing there, arms crossed and tail slowly sweeping back and forth. Wait a moment. I was quite certain Cedric did not have a tail. Cedric was an Earthian Human, Mr. Smith was supposed to be an Earthian Human as well, but Mr. Smith had a tail.

 Hey…you know what? Mr. Smith wasn’t as Human looking as I recalled him being. You know that blue helmet I was talking about? Well there were two rather tattered, large gray ears sticking out of it—oversized cat ears, not round stub Human ears.

 I had to consult Command Center on this matter. The multiplication just wasn’t adding up enough numerators, or whatever that Earthian saying is. Numbers weren’t adding up, I think that’s what they say.

 One set of long ears and one thin gray tail equaled two which only confirmed my theory. One plus one equals two. It does not equal Earthian and it will likely never equal Earthian. So through a series of complex mathematical formulas you see, Command Center and I had scientifically discovered that Mr. Smith couldn’t be an Earthian Human.

 Mr. Smith grasped his blue helmet with two hands and gave it a bit of a jerk. It came up and off with a hiss. Removable faces were certainly not a feature of Earthian Humans. That was just another confirmation that I had been right all along with my scientific hypotheses.

 The whole helmet removal thing really wasn’t all that impressive. Not like on the movies when the steam and fog clear from around the face and suddenly their identity is known. This guy had no sense of flashy style, no appreciation for proper movie effects and no love of popcorn. This guy happened to have a gray face and two sets of gills behind either currently pupilless magenta eye. This guy, as a matter of fact, was neither Mr. Smith nor an Earthian.


 “You’re not too quick are you…commander.”

cat 115,018, alien 12,306, shark 8,904, sitting 7,762, standing 3,294, holding 1,678, qwuedeviv 852, helmet 708, smiley 384, spork 67
Type: Picture/Pinup
Published: 5 years, 3 months ago
Rating: General

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