"The Imperial Cheese Pickle Factory"
by Dennis M. Falk
25 June 2005
The small desert town is southern California has just celebrated its incorporation as a city, even though there were a mere 17 houses in the entire town.
Until the Imperial Cheese Pickle Factoriesw came.
Within hours of the mayor's dedication, the first Imperial Cheese Pickle Factory popped up. Within the next two hours, another 47 Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories popped up throughout the little town. By sunset, there were already 532 Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories.
The town was concerned.
By sunrise the next day, there were 6,773 Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories, all manned by robots serving whole pickles in hotdog buns, smothered in creamy cheese sauce.
The townsfolk had left, but the nightmare refused to end.
By sunset that day, there were 570,000 Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories within a 25-mile radius, spreading already into the nearest counties.
The following morning, the entire region from LA to Las Vegas to as far north as Fresno, was completely covered in Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories, with no sign of abatement. By noon, West Coast Time, 7 states and the northern third of Mexico were completely blanketed, leaving nothing in its wake.
Surviving Americans fled to as far north as Thule, Greenland, only to no avail, as Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories swept actoss the US and into Canada within 4 days, causing a noticable wobble in the Earth's movement.
On the morniong of the 5th day, the entire Western Hemisphere was covered in 3 layers of Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories, and they started invading Europe from the west and Asia from the east.
By that afternoon, not a single parcel of dry land was spared. Billions ran for the oceans and perished, only to find Imperial Cheese Pickle Factoeies covering the ocean floor.
It took another whole day, but the entire surface of the Earth was covered in Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories at least 20 layers deep.
The gravitational effect of the accruing mass was not left unnoticed- The Moon started slowly to fall towards the Earth, only accelerating as the entire outer crust of the Earth- 20 miles deep- was converted into an ungodly number of Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories, with no customers who could even try a cheese pickle.
Within a week after the annihlation of all life on Earth (except, somehow, the pickles), the Moon slammed into the Earth, only to find itself covered in Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories within 3 seconds.
The combined mass started falling into the Sun. This didn't leave the other planets undisturbed, as soon, the combined mass of the former Earth and Moon now now exceeds that of Jupiter.
It only took 3 days to fall into the Sun.
And another day for the Sun to darken, as its hot gaseous surface began being covered by Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories.
After the plunge, the other planets started being pulled in, too.
Within another week, the innermost 6 planets had fallen into a blakened Sun, as by now, the Sun had a 3,000-mile layer of Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories.
And then the Sun collapsed under its new weight, causing what remains of the Solar system to fall into the new gravity well.
And then there was the supernova.
Two weeks later, every star within a 25-light-year radius was being invaded by Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories. By a month, one third of the Galaxy had fallen prey to the infectious swarm on Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories, distorting what was left of the outermost spiral arm.
4 months after the little town saqw the first Imperial Cheese Pickle Factory, the entire Galaxy's mas was converted to quintrillions of quintrillions of the evil little fast-food joints.
The Galaxy collapsed under the tremendous weight, leading to a massive explosion, only to cause the 7 nearest galaxies to be smothered in Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories within minutes.
The next day, or what would've been the next Earth day, about 10% of the Universe fell dark, then shone as thousands upon thousands of galaxies disintegrated from the mass of all the Imperial Cheese Pickle Factories.
It only took two more days- The Universe suddenly collapsed into the Big Bust.
And in the beginning, there was light.
The Universe had no form.
So the Robot said:
"May I take your order, please?"