I've been out of ideas before----call it artist or writer block, if you will, but either way, I've been there more times than there are stars in the night sky or drops of dew on the meadow at morningtime.
#sarcasm
Seriously, I've been out of ideas before, but this time seems different, at least in regards to certain characters.
That said, I don't think this block is the problem, but rather a symptom of a dearth of ambition/motivation.
This began way back in early 2018, whereat I began to rely more and more on sketch dumps and other arts scribbled on tablet paper, as opposed to the ACEO and papercraft art I'd been developing.
I ceased accepting/humoring requests entirely, and seemingly lost the ability to write complex stories (seriously, compare "Skunk Comic II' with 'The Fox Sisters' ...East from west in substance, they).
Granted, I can still churn out an article every now and then---mostly on topics of why I do or do not draw certain things (I've effectively covered everything there). Reviews? Sure---I've managed several, but they've become uncommon.
In terms of content, I seem to have my head stuck in the 18+ rabbit hole with some of my Gene arts (one watcher went so far as to try making their own porn in response to my *'Squeeze' cartoon, just to see what it was like and what I got out of doing it ...we talked and they chose to delete their upload as it wasn't their interest and didn't fit their gallery).
*I don't count that as porn, albeit 'porn' is highly subjective
I don't want to hurt anyone. :(
Yet another user has confirmed some part of their psyche has become co-dependent on my art/ideas ...I'm unsure how to respond to that (and, of course, it's all linked to my nude arts).
I'm not hoping to begin any drama here---I'm not going anywhere, not even taking a respite or hiatus from anything ...yet, I confess drawing feels like something I'm compelled to do these days, as opposed to something I'd do to enhance my life experience and/or to express things come against.
I dunno.
Know what's funny-strange about all this? I got EXACTLY what I wanted from my art. Everything. Period.
From Timmy (who, as some may recall, derived from an art-therapy session), I have IRL overcome a lot of my body-image issues and, just as important, I understand they and their origins much more clearly. I've achieved closure there.
Where Gene is concerned, he is a character I created for a graphic novel ...about 14 years ago. :P
Though I never illustrated or fully scripted it, the story IS complete, from beginning to end. It's not just some 'cool ideas/scenes' I have in my head, but a real beginning-middle-end with everything locked together. It's complete, just not publishable.
So, though there was a compromise there, I did get what I wanted from the story and Gene.
As for ACEO, I began that on the behest of my late S/O. From my ACEO experience, I've ascertained the market value of my art, made a good number of friends and furs from DA, FA and (to a lesser extent) IB, as well as discovered some enjoyable films/TV series I hadn't known existed. :3
I got what I wanted from it. What's left?
More the same so far as I can see---guess I can draw another fox for Timmy to stand naked in front of, or draw Gene jumping around.
I suppose I can search YouTube for a dumb TV show to make fun of in a review, or write yet another article about Pika Pats.
So, as the reader may understand, I'm not unhappy with my art. Quite the contrary, I (again) got what I wanted from it ...but I feel there's nothing left for art to give back to me.
I know that reads selfish---I should draw for my watchers ...and I do (and have for some time now---glad and thankful to do it, and the love has been---and continues to be--- given back to me). :3
Even so, part of me feels 'left-out'. I mean, I confessed in a previous article that most everything I'd draw purely for myself has been done already. It seems that the attention the internet provides is what feeds me ...and while there's some nutrition to be had there, it's ultimately deleterious to one's time on earth (or, at least, to mine).
I'm slowing approaching my 40th orbit. At this point, I know I'm not going to cure cancer, discover cold fusion or otherwise achieve anything of consequence ....and that's fine (such is the life story of most), but I'm unsure I should be so complacent as to allow myself to draw bunnies whenever I can, esp. if mostly just to see how many notifications they'll receive.
I dunno.
Then there's all the existential nonsense that couples with the above. If atheism is so, I'm just an ape who's too intelligent for his own good---I amassed just enough gray matter to ask questions and suffer.
Nothing matters (myself included)---reality is all rock and gas with empty space betwixt.
Everything I am will be wiped away the moment my brain loses oxygen. That's it. It's over.
If any of the Abrahamic faiths are so, well... that's a mess in and of itself (and I don't feel like going there in this writing other than to say no matter which of the three one subscribes to, the other two faiths will tell you you're going to Hell ...which is something I don't need to hear---it's not denial, but of what value is it to convert when, again, the other two remain to point fingers---I choose to let God decide my eternity; I have no other choice there). TL;DR: I exist with uncertainty.
Well, I've succeeded in derailing myself, so it's time to end for now. :3
Adios!
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4 years, 11 months ago
18 Oct 2019 15:21 CEST
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