My name is Robert and I need some advise. My boyfriend Vincent is having a very hard time right now and I’m slowly starting to lose it myself. He has gone through so much in the past months that he feels like the world is rejecting him because of his health problems. He has fought through so many sicknesses his entire life and some major illnesses struck him at the wrong time in his life. I’m always there to consul him, but I’m running out of things to say to him to try to keep him calm and stable.
Vincent is a 28 year old brown thoroughbred horse. When he was born, he had a small list of sicknesses. He had trouble breathing and would get sick pretty easily. He grew up being under the protection of a great medical staff and his parents until he was almost as healthy as the next horse. Because he grew up sick, his body remained thin unlike his muscular father. He was often mistaken for a female from the back until he turned around. No matter how much he ate or did to try to gain muscle, he couldn’t build anything. He remained skinny and femboyish. He found his place in life as a track runner and wanted to go to participate in the All Equine 300meter dash at the Olympics in 2012. I helped him train and I saw just how far he can run. It was hard at him at first due to his mild sickness, but he never gave up.
Track wasn’t his only hobby. He was picked up by a scout that’s worked for the local porn magazine, Morning Wood. Due to his slender feminine figure and cute innocent voice, they wanted him to be featured in a series of photos and drawing with him posing naked and have sex with other males. He was already gay and thought it might be fun to do. Being his boyfriend and soulmate, I was worried about this but he said that he would be fine. He juggled both track and pornography. He quit his day job in retail as soon as the porn company started to give him more money. I sometimes watched him pose nude even with an erection between his legs and him having sex with other femboy or muscular horses, even the hyper horses. I felt jealous, but he said that it was just a job. He only had interest in my golden bear backside. He was honest and careful. The company made sure they reminded everyone about safe sex and he was always tested every month for any sexual viruses. Thankfully, he never got any. He won the award to be April's Stud of the Month, thus getting him near $5,000 in one month. He was a popular horse. There are times when I can't help but jerk off to his photos, but nothing beats the real thing.
His sickness came back to him from out of the blue. He suddenly developed a bone weakness that struck his right leg, causing his leg to fracture. It’s a rare bone disease that running horses sometimes get. His leg healed fine, but whenever he put too much pressure on it while running for a long distance or while making love, it would break again. He couldn’t run the full 300meters like he used to. He would always fall and hurt himself after 100meters. After the third break, the doctors told him that he shouldn’t run anymore or they will have to take his leg. He was crushed. He spend years training and now he can’t run as much as he wanted to any more. The magazine company paid half of his medical bill since he signed a contract saying that he was theirs. He continued to do business for them until something else happened.
First, he developed an eye infection, causing him to go blind in his left eye. It was a genetic family disease from what the doctor’s told us. After that, they found cancer near his kidney. His manager at the porn company sent him to a surgeon that was covered by the company's insurance. They got the cancer out, but it left him was a nasty scar on his side. Due to his blind eye, his scar and his bum leg, his managers cursed him out and fired him, but not before saying that he was an ugly lame horse and should be put down. Hearing that, Vincent lost it and tried to commit suicide. I was there to stop him from doing anything. This has been going on for almost a month. I had to keep an eye on him just in case he does something drastic.
It was our 3rd honeymoon together and I wanted it to be a special night. It only took one fall off of his chair that he broke down again, feeling the pain in his bum leg. He started to claw at his body and even his face. He said that he looked hideous and he doesn’t want to live anymore. He always calls himself The Lame Horse due to his history with sickness. He said that he was no longer sexy or healthy and should be put out of his misery. I had to restrain him until he was too tired to fight back. My voice trembled as I tried to calm him down. I was running out of things to say to him.
He refuses to go to a therapist. He said that he doesn’t trust them. He can’t take medication because it would screw up his chemical balance in his body, causing him to get sick, even on medication that prevents or heals. He would have to get something from the doctor's but with no health insurance and no money, it was impossible. I don’t know what to do. I’m typing this right now while he is sleeping next to me. He cried himself to sleep. Those claw marks next to his blind eye makes me want to cry. Why does he have to suffer like this? I’m not a horse so I can’t fully understand what he is going through.
Help me, L. I don’t want to lose him and I’m afraid that he might take his life if I’m not around to stop him. His family doesn’t know what’s going on in his life. They know about his leg and eye, but everything connected to the porn magazine they don’t know about. He always says he’s ugly and disfigured, but he’s not. He is still very sexy and handsome in my eyes, but he is finding it very hard to convince himself. I try to keep those magazine’s that have pictures of him before he became handicapped. I don’t know what to do.
What can I do? What can I say? I there any way we can see you in person? He reads your letters and I know he would find this if you publish it. I need help. I want to save him. Please tell me what to do.
- Robert T Bear.
***** I know this is rather depressing. I came up with the idea after reading through ClubStrips, The Winder Special 2009 Ed.: the one with the horse guys. I thought about how beautiful they were drawn and if these characters were real and something happened to them that ended their career and even lose a bit of their beauty, how would they feel and/or what would they do? Everyone draws beautiful characters that celebrate their beauty sexual activities or alike. But what if the worse happened to a character and they become disfigured, thus losing their aura of glamor? Maybe I think too realistically sometimes...
artwork © 2011 Alex Cockburn
7 years, 5 months ago
03 Sep 2011 16:57 CEST
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