Qwuedeviv Crew 52: I'm Struggling for Names Here!
For the record me and Cedric did feast on delicious cookies in celebration that night. Oh the feast we did have. Actually I had done most of said cookie devouring. Cedric didn’t eat many of them—not that I particularly minded. He was too concerned about carbs catching up with him or something like that. I on the other paw was totally fearless of these ‘carbs.’
Back to important matters, morning had come around and Cedric had gone off to work much like he had the other days. Once again I was alone with nothing of interest to do and no one to bother. To top it all off I didn’t even have any cookies. That made things significantly less thrilling.
I resorted to watching the local Human TV again. It had this rather antique remote device that would let me sift through channels. It was wireless, but that was about all that could be said for it. Human technology seemed to be rather outdated in comparison to our own—not that it was a huge surprise.
Sadly there wasn’t anything very interesting on this picture panel they called a TV today. The Local News had been on one channel. Probably Cedric’s favorite channel—he seems to prefer the boring channels. Anyway there had been what I assumed was a Human parental figure on this TV, complaining about the education quality its children were receiving and just what standard it should be at.
The way I saw it, this entire problem could be solved if the parental unit just taught its kit whatever it needed to know. That was the problem with Earth parents. They didn’t bother to do any training. What was this society coming to? I had been here two days and already saw the deterioration of the planet I loved.
Did I say love? Of course I didn’t mean that. It’d make no sense. I’m a Qwuedeviv invader. Naturally we hate Earth so the previously mentioned statement would be void. Incorrect. There was a falsity in the recording of my—just don’t read into that too much, okay? I was misquoted by lovers of Earth who wanted to perceive me as a different kind of being entirely.
After the news was over I turned it off. The TV that is. Not the news. The news was already off. I mean over. Moving on. From there I pranced into the kitchen while humming the tune of an Earthian afternoon soap opera. Figured I might as well clean up around the place while Cedric was away plus I had learned you could input number codes on this thing he called a phone—mentioned in a previous log— and it would connect you to another Earthian. Sometimes Earthians called Cedric too—usually about work.
I was attempting to wash the dishes without actually getting wet when the phone decided to ring. I dropped the dishes right there—on the floor as a matter of fact. I’m pretty sure they broke but that was beside the point. I grabbed the phone and hit the talk button.
“Hellooooo.” I greeted as I held the phone to the side of my furry face and hopped up on the counter to sit.
The Earthian on the other line was talking fast. I wasn’t sure what they wanted me to respond with. I hadn’t learned all of the Earthian language and this guy talking so fast was not helping at all.
“So how about lunch at three?” I had heard a Human reply with that on TV. The Earthian on the other line raised their voice even more. The nerve of some people.
“I don’t have to tolerate this. I’m an independent citizen!” I disconnected the call and set the phone back in its cradle with an angry swing. Earthians these days just had no manners! I could hardly believe how rude that Human had been. Maybe Cedric was the only nice Earthian on this planet. Was he the last of his kind? I watched a movie about that once!
Those thoughts only preoccupied me for two minutes max. After that I was totally bored again. Washing dishes no longer sounded appealing, not that it really had to begin with. It was even less so now though with the broken glass and such all over the floor. I’d leave that for Cedric to deal with when he got back. It was his house after all.
Next I tried reading one of the many magazines he had lying around. Never again. Who knew they could cram so much boringness into a few thin pages. I’d have to help him discover better uses of his time at some point. Slave species or not this was pathetic.
On a search driven by pure boredom, I opened a few of the books he had around and found nothing interesting in them so I decided to infiltrate the Human’s headquarters; also known as his personal room. This was a total breach of etiquette but sometimes boredom called for breaking a few normal protocols. I was sure Cedric would rather me be in his room than die.
I pushed open the door that hadn’t been fully closed to begin with and ventured inside. There was a pair of fuzzy slippers right by the door. They actually looked pretty great to roll on top of, but I resisted the urge for the moment. I figured I could find better than that.
His room was surprisingly boring like the rest of his house though. He had a giant bed that I immediately set out a search warrant on and investigated. It was plush, softer than my bed was. Figured Cedric was holding out on me, but then again he was the owner of this domain so I supposed it only made sense. Later on I’d overthrow his rule and become supreme leader then I would take his room.
I hopped on the nearby dresser from there; knocked a couple picture frames over in the process, but that was his own fault for not leaving a pathway for me to walk on. I didn’t find anything at the end of the dresser though so I went ahead and hopped off of it.
It was then that a bluish light caught my eye. On the other side of his bed—the side I had just been on previously strangely enough—there was a blue light emitting from a device. A primitive Earth computer by the looks of it. Now there was something that could probably prove interesting.
I pushed the screen open the rest of the way and poked at the screen a bit. Seemed it hadn’t gone into a power save mode yet so I didn’t have to put in any password—score! Cedric had left a whole surplus of interesting links open so I spent a good bit of time investigating them. He seemed mighty interested in aliens.
One was posting on a message board, asking hypothetically what others would do if they were confronted by an alien. Another asking what the survival chances were when befriending an alien. There was also an email addressed to ‘mom,’ and a whole list of alien and pet websites. An odd combo for sure. There were also a few things about laws and alien sightings. My ears twitched.
So! All this time Cedric had been plotting behind my back! I knew I shouldn’t have trusted the Human. On the other paw he fed me, gave me a nice place to stay, and generally protected me from all the outside threats. As far as I could tell he wasn’t actually doing anything against me here…so given the options…I decided to pretend I hadn’t seen the computer and moved on.
Eventually I came to the conclusion that Cedric’s room was boring too. Left with nothing but my thoughts and a house that was emptier than one might have realized. Trust me, if you had to sit there and act like you were reading for as long as I had to actually sit there and do nothing you would be bored out of your skull. Seriously, it was that bad.
So instead of boring you out of your skull I decided I’d fill this part with a little bit of info about myself. Second Lieutenant Smiley as I mentioned before, kin of Dr. Leech, Supreme Major General of our whole species. That was no little deal ya know. Pretty much made me a celebrity.
Now, our species is a bit different than what I have observed here. I’m not entirely sure how this Earth’s leadership works but ours is run by our military. In fact, my entire species is one big military. We invade every land we come across—that is our skill and mission in life. Why? Well, I can’t say I know for sure, but it’s what we do. Earth is on that list as well. Hopefully the Earthians won’t mind much, after all it it’s nothing personal; it’s just our job.