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A Classy Game Review From a Classy Guy

Tonight's review: Amnesia: A Machine For Pigs


Fucking no

I swear to Christ you can't make me go down there

I am perfectly happy staying right here

I don't give a shit what I paid for the game, I'm not moving from the starting point because the ambulance trip will be more expensive

Puddles on my bedroom floor and bricks in the back of my pants aside, this game was everything I hoped it to be and not exactly what I'd thought it would be. A little history first. This is the "sequel" to the infamous Amnesia game that cause all of us to scream like twelve year old girls and stocks in Night Light companies rise dramatically. Now, this is not a true sequel, being that there is a new story, setting, and main character to drag us along kicking and screaming into Satan's Funhouse. In fact, Frictional Games (the developer of Amnesia) took the role of distributor and let The Chinese Room show us why their therapy bills cost so much. It's an interesting choice and allows new ideas to integrate into the game and keep it from being the same thing as Amnesia but nicer looking.

So, how did TCR handle the sequel to one of the heart explodingness...ing...whatever games of all time? Surprisingly well with only a couple bumps down Fear st. To start, all the atmosphere and setting have been upgraded in this rendition. By taking away the darkness mechanics from Amnesia, it allows the player to have a better appreciation for the scenery and setting around them. The gamer can get a better look at what's going to make them wish they still had diapers rather than worrying about weather or not they had enough oil or matches. That's not to say I don't like the darkness mechanic, I just like the angle of putting the focus on the world around you. This is by far the games strength. You will inevitably find yourself staring down a corridor, looking at a door, or hearing a sound in a place you have to go to and thinking "there's no fucking way I'm moving now" until you remember that the game can't hurt you. Of course you do move on and then find yourself washing your sheets in the morning but that's all part of the experience right?

Now, to be fair, it's not all roses and sunshine for this game (though would it kill TCR to have added a dream sequence of a field and bunnies? Never mind. The field would have been made of knives and the bunnies set on fire) The biggest detractor for the game is that the payoff doesn't match the buildup. It's kinda like believing the priest that waiting until you're married makes sex better but then when he introduces you to "Jesus Juice", it wasn't as much fun as you thought it would be.  (Had to learn that the hard way) There is payoff but it's sometimes weak, or contrived, or even expected. That's not to say you won't be scared, it's just that some of them won't live up to the standard that the first game set.

One last thing to look out for is that this game relies HEAVILY on environment exploration. You will miss crucial story elements if you don't look around and read the tidbit given to you and the journal you keep. It can be frustrating if you miss something and have to look back in the journal but it's a minor setback and doesn't really pull you out of the experience.

And that's what it's all about right? The experience. I thought about giving this game a lower score than I did only because I was holding it up to the last game which isn't fair because it's not really made by the same people. What really saved the game is that it's still an experience. You still look to your door to make sure it's shut. You still start breathing heavy because you're afraid of what's coming. It's for that reason that I gladly give this:

7.5 American Psychos/10

Enjoy the game and remember: You're not classy until you can truly compliment someone else's fart.

My rating system:

1- Dear God why? Only your twisted humor would allow this and to exist.
2- Warning: If viewed, this will make your brain try to kill itself by watching Rob Schneider movies
3- This is why I used to play with matches; because shit like this made me stupid enough to play with matches
4- We're getting into Adam Sandler territory: there's potential but it's pissed away through an infected urethra
5- Average. Like you, and me, and any emotion you have when your parents tell you Batman isn't real (You fucking LIARS!)
6- Pamela Anderson's boobs: not as great as some other boobs but still pretty good considering.
7- That feeling when you clean your ears with earsticks.
8- That Christmas when you get WHAT YOU FUCKING ASKED FOR!
9- The feeling you get when you wake up and remember that you're not a Playboy Bunny and sucking Hugh Hefner's penis today
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Added: 5 years, 2 months ago
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