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coyotama

An artist? Me? That's a scary thought.

I've never really thought of myself as either an artist or a writer.

I mean, sure, I enjoy it, and sure, I have that driven perfectionism and fierce joy I see in all my most talented friends, but me, Coyo, being paid to draw or write for people?

Although I can do many things, the idea of people paying me to draw or write scares me.

When I posted a few chapters of a few seat-of-my-pants stories that I had to write, I was compelled to write it out, I can't really explain it better than that, I had no idea anyone would notice.

I was perplexed, as you might imagine, when SoFurry sent me an email congratulating me for 100 watches or likes or something.

What scared me was that this happened not even two full days after I published it.

Me? A writer?

I have always been told that I have a way with words, that I have a natural gift for expressiveness that few people have.

Me? An artist?

I have been told that I have a natural gift for perspective and depth that even the most talented artists have trouble with.

But to be paid actual money? It terrifies me.

I'm told my little doodles are great, and my friends even offered to pay me real money, waved 20 dollar bills in my face!

I don't think they quite understood how close I came to a panic attack!

If I accept money, and what I draw comes out just as horrible as what passes for a portfolio, even if no one questions my follow-through, I couldn't look myself in the mirror anymore.

Since many of my watchers are artists or writers, what do you think?

Should I do the sane thing, and never try?

I love to draw, I love to write, and yes, I have a deep desire to touch people with my creations, to compel my readers and viewers to love my characters as I love them, but should I try to take that seriously?

I may never have the guts to dare charge money for any of this, but do any of my watchers think I should put in some serious time and energy into practicing these skills?

I am scared. What if someone talks me into taking a 20 dollar bill for artwork, and I don't produce artwork that's acceptable to my shiny new client? What if, Coyote forbid, I forget?!

Although I've heard the joke that a slut is a whore that charges $0 for her services, and that being an artist is much like being a whore, who, instead of selling her body, sells her soul instead, and to not charge money for it is like being a soul-whore who charges 0$ for her services, I still can't find it in myself to charge money, unless I can be confident my soul is actually worth that much.

I really could use some objective feedback or friendly critique.

Should I attempt taking art and authorship seriously? Do you think practicing art and writing would be a worthwhile investment of my time and effort?

I already know about things like redlining, animal-sketching, various practicing techniques, specialized art and writing tools many successful artists use personally, and the reasons why, even if they themselves do not know why, and many other things.

However, I'm not confident people would want to hear my voice, be it in my characters and their stories, beautifully illustrated by my hand, or words inscribed upon imaginary paper for others to wonder at.

I'm not confident.

Should I be?
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Added: 5 years, 3 months ago
 
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