I have to type this while it's fresh in my mind. I'll be rambling here, but I kind of expected that.
Encino Man. Starring: Sean Astin, Pauly Shore, and Brendan Fraser.
What a fucking ALL-STAR cast of players we have here. You know Sean Astin, right? He was in The Goonies, and The Lord of the Rings. We all know Pauly Shore. Biodome. Need I say anything else? And Brendan Fraser. The Mummy series. And a bunch of other shit no one cares about.
So from reading this short bit, you must think: MAN, you sure must hate this movie, Foxie. It must've been fucking shit.
The thing is...I kinda sort of liked it. I know. I just committed fucking blasphemy on the internet for saying I sort of liked Encino Man. Who woulda thunk it?
Here's the weird thing though, the movie isn't bad because of Pauly Shore. Surprisingly, he's actually decent in it. He's always played that stupid 90's surfer speak annoying fuck, which he plays in this. But in this, subtract the annoying section. He's actually the SMARTEST PERSON in this entire movie. Sure he says a lot of things that make you want to rub your face against a cheese grater, but overall his stances on many of the movies "plot devices" are actually reasonable and good. He seems to always say the right thing and make the smart decisions. He's GENUINE. Which is weird saying about a character played by Pauly Shore because he always feels so fucking fake in his other roles (besides Pauly Shore is Dead).
Brendan Fraser as the caveman was surprisingly LESS annoying than I thought he'd be. He just played the role straight, except the occasional "bazongas" speak, but what the fuck ever. They had to have the caveman say some really dumb shit at some point, but overall, he seemed like he was genuinely lost in this unknown world. So cool for you Brendan Fraser. I still don't like you, but you get a pass on this movie.
And now I present to you the worst thing about this movie. WHAT? IT ISN'T PAULY SHORE?! OR BRENDAN FRASER? WHAT COULD BE SO BAD ABOUT THIS MOVIE?!
Yes, I fucking said it. Sean Astin's character was the worst fucking thing about this goddamn movie. What a fucking prick. And dumb too on top of that. No wonder you get fucking picked on so much and smacked around like a bitch. His decisions are just stupid and would make no sense to be made by ANYONE in the real world. I can't even really explain it off the top of my head. He just makes me so fucking angry.
After defrosting Brendan Fraser, which he didn't even remember fucking doing (the clueless fuck), he basically uses him to become popular with the girl he likes. Of course, she doesn't give two shits about him. Until later in the movie when she randomly decides that her boyfriend, who has always been picking on him since the beginning of time, is just being too mean and she just ends it with him. What the fuck? NOW you're fine with him? You didn't give a shit about all the other times he was picked on, So what the FUCK was different now.
Back on track, Sean Astin uses Brendan Fraser to become popular with her and everyone else in school and it backfires, no surprise. Instead, Brendan Fraser becomes the popular one. This doesn't bother Pauly Shore's character, he goes with the flow of everything (which is another reason why I like his character). But man does Sean Astin get so fucking butthurt when the girl he likes doesn't want to go to the prom with him, but with Brendan Fraser. So what does any good friend do? He leaves him on the side of the road with a backpack, a skateboard, and a FUCKING handful of quarters. WHAT A FUCKING FUCKASS! REALLY? YOU'RE THAT FUCKING BUTTHURT? FUCK YOU!
But after Sean Astin and Pauly Shore fight over it, and the caveman stops them, everything is just peaches and cream. It's like it didn't even fucking happen.
But oh man, does the movie take a hard left turn when she realizes that Sean Astin's character was actually telling the truth about finding a caveman in his yard. Yep. You probably guessed it. She just instantly fucking falls for him and they share a kiss.
What. Really? FUCKING REALLY?
I hate Sean Astin in this. I hate him so fucking hard. I wasn't a bully, but I'd fucking pick on him too, the little shit.
There's a lot missing from this review, but this was all I could get out right now. My feelings about this movie are so mixed it's actually confusing me.
Do I recommend it? Kind of, yeah. It's not that bad. I thought it would be, but I was surprised that it wasn't annoying as I thought it'd be. Sure there were annoying parts, but ya know it's a 90's comedy. Of course there will be annoying shit in it. If you want to see Pauly Shore in a surprisingly toned down role, check it out.
If you want to see a movie because you hate Sean Astin and you wish someone would punch the fuck in the throat, then it's a must see because this movie will make you hate him with the blinding passion of a thousand suns.
5 years, 6 months ago
15 Mar 2013 02:36 CET