That saying that goes like "I didn't fail, I just succeeded in finding 1,000 ways that don't work" is true.
I been to a couple of different places around the map, lived with people I just can't see eye to eye with, and tried working jobs with people I just could not stand. Through all this, I had no clue where I wanted to live, what kind of job I want, or what kind of people would make good friends. But slowly, with all the stupid BS put behind me....I think I'm finally getting an idea of what I want from having experienced all sorts of things I don't want lol.
I think hell builds heaven for you, in other words, and not the other way around. For example, typing this right now, I can barely feel my fingers or toes, I need warm weather. Feeling lonely, be friendly to someone, etc. I know there's different responses to the same situation. You got your active problem solving response, your hopeless sad depressive response, the angry ain't take'n no mo bullshit response, and so on. I used to see living here as me being trapped and automatically sooo different from everyone else's life situation. But now, I just see it like one half of a puzzle that's urging me to solve it. The only difference being that if I do solve it, I can permanently change my life in a rather drastic way for the better.
I see places in my mind that call to me, I think about the types of people I want to get to know. I think about this person I kind of know that's like me and yet not quite like me now, who I want to become and am slowly becoming with practice. My art is even a puzzle like this, just almost but not quite what I want. And the saga continues......
5 years, 9 months ago
05 Feb 2013 12:59 CET