My mom is having spinal neck surgery in a couple days that she really needs or she runs the risk of paralysis. But I am really worried about her, I haven't felt this much fear in a very long time. She has had many surgeries in my lifetime, it is an unfortunate part of her condition. But for some reason I feel really extra terrified of this one. So much so I may be causing my body to experience an anxiety attack.
I've been feeling a lot of excess pain in my neck and back, my skin has felt like an exposed nerve, I've been hyper sensitive to the cold (which I am usually not sensitive too at all) and my body temperature has been changing drastically one minute feeling really cold to the next feeling really hot. I woke up soaked in Sweat just now an experience I've rarely had to deal with in the past. I don't know if I'm just keeping my room too warm due to my cold sensitivity or if it is something else. I figured for the last two days, when my troubles started, that I just pinched a nerve in my back, but now I am not so sure. I really hope I am not getting sick, mom can't have surgery if she gets sick, or worse yet if she does get sick but doesn't let them know the Surgery could kill her. They were supposed to do the surgery on the 16th but it got pushed back to the 30th and I've avoided having a social life pretty much to avoid getting her sick (as almost the entirety of the state I live in is sick right now). I don't feel sick in the normal sense in that I am breathing fine, I am not coughing or sneezing more than usual, and there is no excess mucus. But I still can't help but worry. It could also be some sort of allergic reaction I suppose as I have switched to a mostly vegan diet every other day of the week since the 17th, maybe their is something I'm allergic to in those foods (been eating a lot of soy though I never had a problem with it before).
I don't know, I'm probably just really paranoid. My mom's surgery, my lack of ability to find work, in combination with my hours of poor computer sitting habits have all probably contributed to my current condition and hopefully it is really just stress and muscle fatigue that I am dealing with. Sorry to dump this here, but I can't really talk about this with anybody else right now. I know that what I have written might not make any sense (I am pretty exausted right now) and I know I am probably just being overly paranoid. But I really need to get this off my chest.
5 years, 10 months ago
28 Jan 2013 10:57 CET