I will admit that, due to the community I grew up with suddenly becoming hostile/hateful towards people like me, I hadn't been... doing well at all mentally due to it. The community that helped me deal with my shit life now betrays me. It really does hurt quite a lot. Like, I'm not hurting anyone. It's just incredibly unfair and hypocritical. They are okay with other kinks like Snuff, Vore, Feral (kinda) and Non-Con/Dub-Con but suddenly draw the line at ABDL and Cub. If those two make a person a pedo, shouldn't snuff make a person a psychopath? Shouldn't vore make a person a cannibal? It's asinine. Furries having double-standards is just complete bullshit. "Oh? You like Cub / Diapers? You must be grooming a dozen children then".. Fuck off, you two-faced fuckwit.
And the thing is that, like I've mentioned on sites like Bluesky, I AM Asexual. I don't like children, I don't even like most people. It takes A LOT for me to be attracted to someone, and I prefer people older than me. I shouldn't need to explain this, but I have to because people like to assume shit that aren't true like.. it depresses me so damn much because I use ABDL and cub as a coping mechanism for childhood trauma. I don't even see them as anything more than a drawing because I am sane enough to understand the difference between reality and fiction. It's.. a pain.
But yeah, I'll be completely upfront and honest. I have been heavily, and I mean, HEAVILY, considering suicide for the past few years. My life is shit, I feel betrayed by the community I grew up with, I feel undeserving of my partners and I just feel like a worthless waste of space and the only reason why I hadn't is because I don't want my partners to be sad or blame themselves. I force myself to endure this...constant agony and I want things to get better but it just feels like things will only get worse and worse.
And, if my partners see this, don't blame yourselves for shit. You two have been the light of my life. I'm just.. miserable because of all I see and deal with all the time. I'm constantly on edge because I worry I'll lose everyone I care about over the stupid puritan nonsense of today's community. My deepest desires in life aren't even sexual either.. I don't want sex.. I just want a calm, peaceful life where I and my partners can feel safe and happy. I want to live in a nice little house that is away from society and just be at peace for once. I want the pain to stop.
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5 days, 10 hrs ago
23 Oct 2024 00:36 CEST
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