The first one was okay needed a few tweaks here and there and probably some more depth but then we get to the second and third,
good for a quick fap but severely lacking at least to me, the whole thing suffered from "too much too soon" and I'll probably rewrite them with major changes.
The main problem was now that I look at it the flow, the first went straght like you'd expect from a story but then the other two as I said before had too much added.
It was messy and one way I can think of fixing it is breaking it into several stories involving the cubs effected by the stone which was most likely brought for show and tell.
Overall I just need to work on my storytelling having things flow rather than hop about.
6 years, 4 months ago
09 Aug 2012 20:26 CEST