This is probably something I am overthinking. Its an idea that got stuck in my head, and I kind of want to just “follow where it goes”.
When I first joined furry fandom in 1998, I named my fursona “Pantheris”. I also tended to introduce myself as Pantheris first, and then my real name. The majority of furs I hung out with all called me Pantheris.
Pantheris very quickly came to represent everything I strive to be. He is “the me I hope to be”. Being called Pantheris gave me a very strong sense of connection to this idealized version of myself. Whenever I trained, whether at the dojo or the gym, in my mind’s eye it was Pantheris who was training. This helped to keep me motivated to train, and to push myself to be better.
Over the years, I lost touch with most of my friends in furry fandom. Many of the furs I spent time with didn’t really want me around. They no longer called me Pantheris. (This may have been an unconscious signal that they felt I did not belong.) I lost that sense of connection to Pantheris, and to that idealized version of myself. I also began to lose much of my motivation to train and improve myself.
Would “taking up the mantle” of Pantheris help rekindle my motivation? I’m not sure, but I have been feeling a very strong desire to “be Pantheris” again.
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6 years ago
21 Apr 2018 04:39 CEST
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