I'm one of those people that doesn't usually see a reason to deny friend requests as long as there's no limit on a friend's list but I'm starting to notice after clearing out some of the ones in different places that were getting full that I barely talk to two or three people on each one and sometimes they're the same people. Also being one of those people that doesn't like to do any injustice to anyone that hasn't done anything to them, I wondered how impolite it was to completely ignore 90% of the people I added, but a conversation with someone else recently gave me two bits of information that I find somewhat interesting.
The first being that people will randomly go around and add people for no other reason than publicity, usually hoping to get noticed by a larger group of people and in some cases it does turn out mildly successful even if not all the people they add ever pay attention to them again, so I guess it's a no-harm-no-foul situation there, especially considering some friend's lists are public and someone might find the person through one of them.
The second pertains to something I felt someone shallow about. I tend to only really pay attention to people that play online multiplayer games with me, or people who I can have very lenghty conversations with about things that interest me (which, as is clear to most people who know me, is not a lot), and lately I mainly stay close to furries. Probably because out of the several fandoms and gaming communities I've been involved with in the past, I've gotten the least hassle from them. (Excluding Wildcritters where everyone apparently hates furries or something, I really don't know, I just know 90% of the population are assholes, even the admins. I think Blockland's forums are more mature and that's saying something.) For a while, I've been wondering if it's considered shallow to feel more secure and comfortable around people who are furries and gamers just because they're furries and gamers like me.
From what I got out of my friend, it's human nature, and that makes sense. People are drawn to those that are like them more than they are by the supposedly idyllic requirements someone should choose a friend by. I was brought up under the belief that one should pick friends who are kind and honest, and not judge them, positively or otherwise, by what they do in their spare time. It's only over the past year that I've realized how bogus that really is. For two reasons. The first being misconception, I think the idea behind picking honest friends comes from older times when having trustworthy allies meant not getting invaded or something, and maybe it's just used today as an example to be a kind and honest person for the sake of attracting friends and not the other way around, but in that regard I wish people would be less ambiguous in their teaching of morals.
The other being that even when I do find honest and kind people, despite the fact that I do hold them in high esteem, if they don't have the same interests as me, I get bored of them. It's hard to have any fun with someone that doesn't have anything in common with me, or someone who doesn't share similar priorities such as gaming, because all we can really do is acknowledge each other in the hallway and if that's as far as any relationship is going, I'm just not interested.
I suppose that it all boils down to "I just want people to play games with", and given some new confidence I don't feel ashamed for admitting that. I guess it's the same for everyone, different people want different things and people go to the people that have similar ways of expending free time and concentrating on individuals deserving of companionship is a second consideration most of the time. I'm not entirely sure if that's fair or if it's something I should give more consideration to, at least, more than I already do. I tend to naturally move away from people that give me a hint of being dangerous or dishonest as an innate habit, maybe everyone has the same habit on different levels, so maybe there is some worth to things I was taught since before I could speak properly. It is definitely a relief to not feel like I'm doing someone any injustice though, just because they like different things. They're probably just as bored with me as I can get with them.
7 years ago
04 Oct 2011 22:16 CEST