Back in the Game
By TerraMGP
Come on mommy, what is it going to hurt.” Ester whimpered a bit and moved around to the other side of the feline woman watching as her mother cut though a carrot with professional precision. “I already called and talked about it with Carol at the restaurant and she agreed you need a night out. Come on please? I promise I’ll be good. Jimmy can babysit, or I can ask about spending the night at Jamies. It‘ll be great! I promise that you will have a good time.”
“Wait a second, you called Carol? What has gotten into you young lady? It is one thing to have your little flights of fancy, but you do not go behind a chefs back and try to run her kitchen, and you most centrally don’t undermine your own mothers work. I raised you better than that.” Lillian turned to her little one with a mix of frustration and puzzled disbelief. Granted she knew that Ester might end up reacting strangely when she had finally come clean about the relationship she used to have with Ruth and June. It hadn’t exactly been normal, and it was probably even less normal that she stayed friends with the two of them for so log. Hell when all was said and done the two women were probably treated more like family than anything else. Lil was starting to wonder if maybe that had been a mistake. “Look sweetheart I know you worry about me, but I made my choice a long time ago that I was going to be mommy to you. That is the most important thing in the world to me. You are my baby, and I love you. I know you like Auntie Ruth and Auntie June a lot, but I don’t think that going out on a date with them is going to change anything. You still need me to take care of you.”
“But mommy you haven’t been on a date since… ever.” Even as the small mouse said this she realized just how true it was. To her memory her mother had never once even entertained the idea of going on a date with anyone. Strangely this had never really seemed out of place to her, it was just how Mommy was. She went to work, ran her kitchen. She came home in time to be with her little baby. She had her usual game night with Ruth and June even when Ester was off somewhere else. Yet when she got right down to it Ester could not think of one thing that her mother had ever done for her romantic life. “Mommy….” the small girl said firmly “You are going to go out tonight. No excuses. I’ll be fine. I’m big enough to take care of myself.”
“Young lady, you will not speak to your mother like that. I know you have good intentions, but I will not have you trying to dictate what I can and cannot do. I am your mother, and I am not going to stand for my own daughter undermining me and acting up like this. Now I am going to finish your food, and I am going to go into work, and we are going to have a long conversation about this when I am done. I am not going out on any date. Do you understand?”
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“I can’t believe I let her talk me into this…” Lillian sighed looking down into her mostly-full glass of wine and letting it swirl a bit before bringing it to her lips and taking a small tasting sip. Just as she had expected the woman found herself in her own restaurant, but for some reason she hadn’t really expected to be coming in her only little black dress which now felt just a bit too snug on her. It was hard to figure out if she should be depressed or elated because the dress was only cutting ever so slightly into her circulation after almost a decade. Even then any joy of thinking she was still about the same size as she was years ago was cut short by the realization that, true enough, she had only donned the dress once in all that time, when her restaurant opened.
The one real comfort Lillian took from all this came in the form of two beautiful women sitting across from her. Ruth in spite of some mass loss still looking wonderful. In fact the Ursine seemed even more lovely than she had all those years ago, her normal wild and untamable charm tempered with a note of wisdom that seemed to affect her like a temper put upon a blade. Then beside her was June, lovely June, who still carried herself with a beauty that seemed carved of solid diamond. A small part of Lil had to admit that she missed these two in her life, even if they had been there the whole time. Of course it would be all too easy to confuse nine years of pent up lust and want with the rekindling of deep love, that much Lil had been reminding herself of since she got there. “I’m sorry again about Ester. Honestly I dont’ know what has gotten into her lately. I hope she didn’t pester you two that much about coming out here with me.”
“Actually she had very little to do with it on our end…” June said rather frankly between sips of wine, the smallest hint of an amused smirk holding on the edge of her muzzle. “Ruth actually got a call from Diana a few days ago spinning some rather flimsy yarn about how you were stressing out and needed some time to relax. Neither of us really bought it, but miss big softie over there decided it couldn’t hurt to play along a bit. Apparently the two of us work far too hard for her liking.”
“I never said that…” Ruth protested “I simply thought that if those girls were going to go though all the trouble of stringing us along, we may as well take the excuse and enjoy a night out. Besides this is the first time in months that we have all done something together other than sitting around a dining room table like a bunch of twelve year olds rolling dice and getting somewhat hammered… Ok I was the one getting kinda hammered.” Ruth shrank back from the rather accusing gaze June was casting upon her and pushed her glass of wine a bit further to the side. “Really though you can’t fault the girls too much for trying something like this can you? They find out about our past in the most akward way imaginable. Its probably healthy for them to try patching things up or something. Healthier than sitting around and brooding at least.”
The little pep talk should have sated Lils worries, but of course they didn’t. if anything the whole situation was just one big knot of emotions she had hoped to avoid all together. “Yeah… at least there is that I suppose…” the feline mumbled in a rather unconvincing tone, taking yet another sip of her wine. “Well since you two are stuck with me for the night I’m going to make the best of it then. Tonight I am going to get you girls the best we have to offer.” By the time the Waitress showed up at the table Lillian was already smiling that chesher smile of hers. She quickly grabbed up the menus and offered them up to the woman already sure of what they would be getting. “I think for our appetizers we shall each try the house salad. For mains I will be having Tuna, she will have the salmon” she said nodding to June. “and she will have the Sirloin. For desert I think everyone shall have the Tiramisu alamode.” She made a mental note of how quickly the waitress scribbled down the order and took up the menus, hoping that each table was getting the same service they were. Even with a good team Lil knew from experience that the boss always got a little extra push. “Hopefully the food should make up for getting dragged out. I know you two probably had something else planned before this.”
“Will you stop acting like its an inconvenience for us to be here?” Ruth was finding it very hard not to laugh at this point. “And what is this about Tuna. I mean I know you don’t eat a whole lot miss ‘I get enough from tasting’ but it’s a nice night out. Treat yourself a bit.” Ruth knew full well that Lil was fine with her tuna, but letting it just ’sit’ just was not her way. “Now come on, Why don’t you get yourself something really nice. Its your place after all.”
Lil just smiled at Ruth for a few moments and then shook her head “Its really not a big deal Ruth. Don‘t worry too much about it.” Honestly it made her feel rather good that Ruth was worrying about her, in a weird way. “Well, I guess I could get the veal chop.” Lillian murmured to herself, her mind going first to the notion of just what ‘more extravagant‘ thing she might enjoy. Of course that line of thought was soon replaced with another. Lil may have been giving in to old thoughts and old habbits in light of the many years she had speant distening herself from them. “Honestly though, I think I‘ll just go with the tuna. I mean it is one of my signature dishes, have to make sure they are keeping up standards in my absence. You two should go ahead and treat yourselves though. You deserve it for helping me out like this.”
Ruth took hold of the overly apologetic felines hand and ran a thumb over the back of it. “Do you know what we would have done tonight if you hadn’t called? I would be sitting on the couch with a bag of corn nuts and a beer watching episodes of rescue me that I’ve already seen ten times while June once again went over some papers because she is absolutely sure she has missed something. Instead we get to come out to a nice place like this with our favorite girl, get VIP treatment. Hell if everything goes well I might even end up getting lucky tonight. Been a while since Junes been relaxed enough for something like that.” Once again Ruth was finding it difficult not to laugh considering the look of annoyance and pure unadulterated shame now masking her loves face. She turned to Lillian for some form of releif, but was only met with the exact same look, which finally cracked Ruth into a small fit of laughter.
“Oh stop. Its not that funny, and your making a scene.” June chided. “Besides I don’t think that is appropriate dinner conversation in the least. You promised that you would be civil tonight, please…” Of course this was nothing like the incident before, June saw that easily. The shameful little hushed remark had gone totally unnoticed by the other patrons. Still it always made her feel so uncomfortable when Ruth started talking this way in public, especially around Lillian. True it wasn’t something that they had not been familiar with once upon a time, but if anything that simply made it all more awkward. I do kind of agree with what Ruth is saying though Lil, even if she picked the worst possible way of saying it. We both like to spend time with you as friends, and game nights once in a while just seem way too limiting. Its… well its nice to know we can all come out here like adults and just enjoy a night out as friends.”
As friends. That was the issue the three were dancing around. That was the issue they had been dancing around for almost a decade. These two women had been many things in Lillians life because they were her friends. They were her gaming group, her councilors, the god mothers to her child, at one point they had even been silent partners when she started this place, if only to help keep her afloat financially. Ruth and June were both excellent friends for countless reasons, but Lillian was wondering if they had ever been ‘just friends’.
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“Here ya go girls, one veggie lovers pizza and one sausage deep dish, and a two liter of coke. Anything else you girls need?” Jimmy smirked and patted Ester on the head and handed her a couple of disposable glasses for the girls to use. It always seemed a bit odd that Lil still insisted on having her little girl watched over when she was going to be out late but she was the mom, and it wasn‘t like it was that much of an inconvenience. The little office behind his desk already had a nice stable work table, a couple of comfy old seats and an old TV that was left over from college, along with a few boxes of random things, a perfect place to tuck the two girls away while he tended the counter. “Just remember you two, I‘ll be taking you both home about eleven, and I‘ll be busy minding the storefront if you need anything. You got a few movies if you wanna watch and if your careful I‘m sure that you can find some of my old games laying around somewhere. Just try not to mess everything else up ok?”
“Sounds good to me.” Diana laughed already plowing into the first two pieces of the sausage pizza. When Ester mentioned that she was going to be stuck at Jimmys shop rather than at home it gave her some frankly mixed feelings. On the one hand it was rather difficult to pass up an evening of fun and free food with her mousie. Yet on the other she had made other plans for this rather important night, and now it seemed like they would have to be dismissed, or at least put on hold until another opportunity arose. Still there was no reason she could not enjoy herself for the moment, especially considering she was usually bored out of her mind by ten on a Saturday night.
“So what do you want to do first Diana?” Ester giggled after filling the two cups with coke. “I know Jimmy has the full series of Trigun here somewhere if you wanna watch it. Or we could put in some Monty Python or something. Ohhh maybe we could make a few decks. That could be a lot of fun!”
The larger girl shook her head and leand back for a moment looking up at the old ceiling tiles with the slightly yellowed edges just happy to be somewhere other than her room for once. “I donno Mousie. Whatever you want to do is good with me. Honestly I doubt I‘d know where to start. I mean how do you decide on what you want to do in a place like this?” she laughed taking another bite of her pizza and kicking her legs up over the side of the love seat, now totally slumped down against its worn springs and plush cushion.
Upon hearing that Ester knew exactly what she wanted to do, and without another word began to push the boxes aside one by one, checking and stacking to ensure she did not put anything fragile under anything heavy. “Ah hah, here we go.” She giggled pulling out a rather large box marked very simply as ‘Games‘ in scribbled black marker. “I‘ll bet Jimmy has a PS2 and a copy of Kingdom Hearts in here somewhere. I told you one of these days you are playing though that game. Its one of the best things I think I‘ve ever played, and I play a lot of really old games.” Ester quickly pulled open the box flaps with all the energy and exuberance of Christmas morning, only to find that what lay inside was not at all what she had expected.
“Whats wrong?” Diana laughed “did you find some of Jimmys ‘over eighteen‘ comic books in there or something?” She stood up and walked over to the box her girlfriend was already slumped over, peeking in at the contents. Diana had to try very hard not to laugh as she reached down into the box and pulled out its contents, a simple white rectangle of plastic with purple and grey trim. “I can‘t believe he has one of these. Oh and look at all of these games for it. This is amazing.” Diana set the antiquated system down and scooped up a box containing over two dozen cartridges each still with the dust cover. Actraiser, Chrono Trigger, Secret of Mana, B.O.B, the list just kept going on.
“So wait… is that a Super Nintendo?” Even as the words left her lips Ester felt rather dumb for saying it. The simple old game system was a product of a bygone era, something from literally before either of their times. Of course Ester had always considered herself rather ‘retro’ anyways, playing many games on the original Playstation and the Nintendo 64 when her Mother purchased them, back when she was younger. But this was somehow different, foreign in its way, something she knew her mother had, and often played, but had not been brought out of storage at grandmas for a long time now. She ran her fingers almost reverently over the front and gazed at the inputs, each so very different from what she was used to. “I can‘t believe Jimmy has one of these. I figured they would have broken by now.”
“Oh come on miss retro gamer, your telling me you have never played a Super Nintendo before? What was all this talk about playing really old games a moment ago? I mean I might have expected this for an NES or something. Though NES is usually a lot more fun” It took a moment or two for her to realize just how much she had really let into the conversation, and by that point Diana could feel the awkward sensation of a blush starting. Without another word she ducked under the desk under the TV looking around for an outlet which would fit the abnormally large power adapter that always accompanied this system. She gave both her rump and tail a small wiggle, knowing it was probably sending her poor little love into overdrive right now, and then reached back for the TV adaptor shaking it up to the F-connector in the back and screwing it into the currently unoccupied slot.
“Well yeah I have, I mean I‘ve played a bunch of Mommies old PS1 games. Those are all really old. I mean most of them are about as old as us. I guess I never really counted the Super Nintendo since it was made so long ago…” It didn‘t feel any less foolish admitting this to her now, in fact Ester was starting to feel like any gamer ‘cred‘ she may have once possessed was quickly slipping away. Of course a moment later her concerns shifted, realizing that she was gazing at her girlfriends wiggling rear and quickly looked away again, trying hard not to let her eyes drift to that nice firm ass in those rough jeans. “S-so how do you know about the Super Nintendo? I mean I read up about it on the internet once, but I always thought you weren‘t that into games.”
“Tabletop games mousie, there is a difference. Everyone plays video games. Honestly what do you think I do all day after I get home? Its not like I‘m the biggest reader in the world or anything. Girls gotta do something to keep from beating the shit out of the drywall right?” With the tricky task of instillation finally finished Diana turned her attention to the system itself again, connecting leads to the back and front, making sure they were tight and even checking the dust guard to make sure the leads under it were still clean and ready to play.
“That still doesn‘t answer my question though.” the mouse insisted while looking over the system yet again with a strange fascination in her eyes. “Its not like you can go out to the local game stop and pick one of these up. Does your brother have an Ebay account or something? Maybe a trade with some eccentric collector?”
Exasperating as the questions were, they were also kind of cute considering who was asking them. Diana just laughed and wrapped an arm around the girls neck pulling her into a nice tight noogie. “You know how I keep telling you that you can find anything you want at a garage sale? You know I‘m starting to think your too busy drooling over my body to really listen to me. Maybe some naughty little cunt needs to get a little smack?” she laughed, placing her hand on Esters cheek and bringing it back, making her girlfriend flinch before bringing the other hand around and down on Esters rump nice and hard. “Heh, and one for flinching” she laughed, waiting for Ester to tense up before giving another smack on the rump and shaking her head. Diana waited for the initial shock of the smacks to wear off before pushing a flat grey controller into Esters paws. “I think we better start you out with something simple for this one Mousie. Maybe Actraiser…”
Those smacks almost knocked her foreword, almost landing the mouse on her face before rubbing it and looking at Diana. Ester really didn‘t like the sound of that. She already knew well enough that simple meant anything but, especially in this case. The game started up without any real problems. She read though the small story blurb at the start and was all too quickly thrust into control of a little monkey-ish looking man who looked to be drawn from squares and rounded angles all mooshed into poorly rendered armor with a poorly defined sword. Almost instantly the difficulty curve of the game became painfully clear as she found herself dodging and swinging at things coming from all sides, more often than not ending up damaged by a bee or a baboon or a tree. It took the girl three times blowing though her allotment of lives before the patterns finally started to make some kind of sense and the controls started to come to her without a massive reach for thought before action. “So I can only walk around and swing my sword? Are you sure that I am not missing a tutorial here somewhere? I mean there has to be more to this game than that.
Diana shook her head and watched the poor mousie trying once again to jump around from treetop to treetop always unsure of how far she would have to make the leap “They don‘t have tutorials, you just have to figure it out on your own. A lot like life that way I guess. Don‘t worry though, you are doing pretty well, for a beginner. Of course if the little pipsqueak needs some motivation…“ Diana laughed to herself, putting a hand on the girls thigh and giving it a rough squeeze when Ester made a poor jump and her little monkey man thing ended up getting mauled by a baboon. “Heh come on now bitch you can do better than that can‘t you? Or are you just hoping I‘ll keep correcting you till you get it right.” Diana smirked that rougish little smirk of hers and plucked the controller from Esters paws kissing her cheek firmly “Now then how about I show you what a real game pro can do when she wants to.” Diana laughed as her years of experience with the game started to kick in almost instantly.
The two girls sat for a few long moments just watching the game pass them by with little care in the world. It wasn‘t until Diana had beaten the first boss and was in some sort o strange over the top sim city type game that Ester found herself breaking from the events on screen to look over at her entranced love, leaning in and kissing her cheek. “I really am sorry we couldn’t go though with your plan today Diana. Maybe we will work out better next time better luck next time, that is assuming things didn’t work out perfectly already.
“Well maybe they did mousie, who knows. Still I bet we are going to have to step in at some point anyways, so no reason to hold off on the plan. Those three need to be together, and the only way we can be sure that happens is to take matters into our own hands. I mean you can‘t exactly expect to get everything you want in life by sitting on the sidelines right? Hell if I hadn‘t done something we might never have ended up together right?”
“Y-you made me kiss you, a-and then punched me“ Ester said softly.
“And?” Diana asked, pausing the game and gripping her Mousie by the chin looking oh so deep into those deep green eyes. “What, hoping I’ll do it again? Hope I’ll end up kicking your cute little ass some day? You know that could be arranged” she said running her tumb over the girls eye socket.
“A-and it was wonderful… and I love you Diana“ Ester mumbled back, gazing at the ground and nodding nervously to her girlfriends question even though she could not look her in the face. She wasn‘t angry, or bitter, or scared about the fact. To her it had been so romantic and special, even if nobody else saw it that way. Her head quickly came to rest on Diana’s Shoulder and she closed her eyes tight, snuggling into the other girl on the hard wood floor o the office. “I love you so much“ She murmured softly.
“I love you too mousie mouse“ Diana said as she just continued her game contently “and I promise I‘ll get those three to see they love each other, even if it’s the last thing I do. That is why we have the plan after all.”
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“You know I really am sorry I couldn’t take you girls out like this when we were actually dating. Whisky and Chinese takeout aren’t exactly the makings of an ideal romantic evening.” Ruth smiled a bit wider and picked over the edge of her Wellington with her fork. Things had changed rather drastically since then, almost a decade had passed since the three young lovers broke off, and in many ways they were each very different women. None of it felt that different though. Looking across the table all Ruth could see was the two young women she had spent her best days with so long ago.
“I am glad you are both enjoying the food.” Lillian said as she cut another small sliver of tuna. “I keep telling you two that you can come here any time you want, I’d always be happy to save a table for you. Besides having VIPs in the dining room would help keep my team on their toes.” The tabby couldn’t stop the grin on her face. Truth be told the idea of seeing her friends sitting around enjoying themselves a bit more often wasn’t exactly low on her list of reasons for the suggestion either.
“Come on Lil you know we don’t have time for that.” June chimed in. “Honestly we haven’t changed too much since back when we were all together. Ruth still likes to sit on the couch after work with a beer and watch the game or her stories, and they keep giving me all the final say on things that I should be able to delegate simply because the parent company wants to make sure they have my input on everything. Hell most of the time we just order in something from a takeout place. Not exactly the kind of adventurous and worldly VIPs you probably want testing out your food and keeping your staff in line.”
Ruth glanced at her fiancé out of the corner of her eye and tried hard not to chuckle at the rather depressing assessment of their current state they lived in. “You know it really isn’t that bland Lil. Regardless of what my better half may say we actually do manage to have fun more often than not. Granted its not wild and crazy like the night I won that big regional competition or anything. God that was a blast.”
The mention of that night seemed to jolt both Lillian and June in a strange unison. They looked at each other for a long moment seeing a near simultaneous blush grow across their faces lightening the shade of their fur in a way Ruth knew all too well.
“Oh no, we are not going into that one again.” June finally managed shaking off the moment of embarrassment, glairing Ruth down for even bringing the topic up. “Look it was one thing when we were younger, but it has been a long time and its simply childish to start teasing us about it again now simply because you have us both here.” The stoat took a look at the still blushing feline sitting across from her and shook her head again. “Besides this is Lils restaurant, the least you could do is show a little bit of courtesy.”
Ruth was trying very hard not to laugh again. June was right their stunned feline friend really didn’t deserve to have that story dredged up yet again, nor was this a very appropriate place to do so. Still something about how her friend looked with that little blush on her cheeks, about the nervous glances, seemed to melt away all of the sophistication and weight that her age had brought leaving the same bashful, wide eyed and cutely awkward culinary student Ruth had originally decided to split her rent with so long ago. How was she expected to resist such a temptation? “Come on sweetheart Its not like anyone is even listening, or that they would care for that matter. Besides I’m sure your folks have gotten over it by now right Lil? No reason you wouldn’t have too. Its cute… a sort of summer to our younger, wilder days wouldn’t you say?”
Lillians first reaction, born of years enduring such playful and affectionate teasing, was of course to look away at the floor in a mimic of behavior she saw her daughter perform so very often when feeling nervous. Her second reaction however was to gaze back at her old friend with the same venom June so often projected, her initial bashfulness quickly leaving her, replaced with the calm and determined strength that had come to her with age and experience. “Come on now Ruth we really don’t need to go into that do we? We are all adults now, well at least more mature than we were back then. Isn’t teasing a bit beneath you at this point?”
“I guess your right.” Ruth laughed to herself as she picked off the last of her meal, savoring the warm meat and flakey crust of her steak for another few moments. “Besides, what could I say that your mom didn’t already sum up, hmm? ‘when you get older your just not expecting surprises like that’… or something to that effect. At least they took it pretty well. I mean they did give us some time to recover, and hell they even took us all out to lunch.”
“Your kidding right?” June quickly cut in. “Her parents walked in on the three of us going at it full boar. You had their daughter in… in a very compromising position.” she whispered, not really wishing to discuss the particulars of a leather face mask and collar in a crowded restaurant. “and I doubt they gave us time to ‘collect ourselves’ out of politeness.” Junes indignation slowly melted away as she realized just how many people could have been listening to the little conversation. Once again the stoat woman simply shrank back into her seat a bit and took another sip of her wine looking around at the other people rather nervously.
“heh now this is what I missed the most” Ruth chuckled, more to herself than anyone else. “You know you girls haven’t changed one bit since we were all dating. I mean sure you both got a little wiser and more self confident, whereas I… well I guess I lost a bit of tone. But I guess we’re still the same crazy bunch we always have been huh?” She offered a playful smile to the other two, but it was not reciprocated. Lillian continued to look away from the other two, while June looked at the feline with a strange concern that Ruth couldn’t recall seeing on her Fiancés face before.
Without a single word being spoken June slipped one paw out and wrapped it around Lillians paw as tenderly as she could. She kept her eyes locked on the feline until Lillian finally turned her face to look at her, signs of obvious conusion written all over it. “Lil… I know the girls set this all up because they want us back together, and I know we only went out like this because you haven’t had a night to yourself in a long time. Still I… I can’t help but feel a little hopeful. Its been so long since we broke up and I have no idea how you feel anymore, but I feel like I have to tell you, I still care about you, we both do. I know it isn’t my place to say it, and Ruth sweetie I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable that I’m telling her this but someone has to say it. Nine fucking years is far too long, and there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t wish you would have stayed. Its been so hard for us without you Lil.”
Lillian was of course quite shocked by this little revelation. She wanted to say it was because of the wine, or the atmosphere, or the reminiscing that June had suddenly unleashed this torrent of emotions. She wanted to, but it was quite obvious that none of those things were the case. “June I don’t know what to say. I mean I miss it too, I miss what we all shared back then. We were all so young, so carefree. But you know it had to end, and not just because of my daughter.” Lil let out another sigh and leaned back in her seat. “Do you remember
June also saw those tears in Ruth’s eyes, and smiled at the silent affirmation gripping Lils paw that much harder. “Don’t you see though? That is the whole point. All relationships have problems. They all end up having troubles and tribulations that take time and effort to work out, hell Ruth and I have gone though our fair share over the years without any sign of stopping. But that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other, or that we don’t try harder to make everything work out. I mean…” it was at this point that June realized she had run out of words to express her feelings. All she seemed capable of now was gripping that paw oh so tight and gazing longingly at Lillian whom she felt was the once piece missing from the little puzzle of their lives.
“I think what June is trying to say Lil is that se do care about you. Even if this is a fake date, we both miss this kind of time with you. We both miss just being with you, that’s all.” Ruth smiled at the feline as well and put a paw over Junes, now encompassing both of them and running her thumb along those of the other two women oh so gently.
Lillian didn’t say anything for a long moment. She gazed down at the two other hands, the two other people now holding hers softly, reassuringly. She had to agree she missed it. Spending time with these two women was one of the most wonderful times of her life. She looked up into the pair of happy faces now gazing down at her, and quickly looked back down at the table. “I know you two. I miss you guys a lot, but if I had stayed how do I know any of it would have worked out? We had our share of problems too remember. All of the fighting, and the jealousy, and time stretched so thin that we rarely got a chance to just sit around and talk.”
Ruth cast a glance at June and then back over at Lillian. They all knew what she meant. It wasn‘t like there was any denying the roughness, the emotionally abusive games, the petty conflicts that escalated endlessly between them. The Ursine tried to keep that in mind when she looked at Lillian, but it was still quite hard. “I know things weren’t exactly pleasant near the end… I mean there is no mistaking that we had fights, most of which I take full responsibility for. Hell maybe your right that it wouldn’t have worked out. But I really can’t accept that we couldn’t have figured out… I don’t know, something. Everyone goes though bad patches don’t they?”
“It was a lot worse than just a few bad patches Ruth, you know that. I… I remember what it was like when we were starting out and you didn’t have a job and weren’t looking for one. Even after we almost got thrown out on the street. Or seeing how worried June on her birthday, both of us waiting for you to get home. I mean you stayed out a lot but that time was just too much.” Lil looked back down to her food and felt her ears folding back, reaching nervously for her water glass out of sheer akwardness. “And of course I pushed you to it as much as anything. I mean I never spoke up, and I was just so passive aggressive. Like with the peanut butter.” They all seemed to cringe at the mention of the month long explosion of tension and snapping fights that was triggered when a tired Lillian fresh off of prep line came home to find a layer of crumbs in the peanut butter and several fragments of toast. Month after month with all three women acting like spoiled children, screaming at each other about the smallest perceived slight and then promptly bringing up the subject of crumbs left in the peanut butter and how horrific or benign it was, each fight getting worse and worse. Of course the actual incident was a harbinger of the end and had nothing to really do with the peanut butter itself, but it was something none of them really wanted to remember.
“Come on Lil, we all know about what happened.” June said reaching over to take the felines paw “I don‘t think any of us are denying the problems. I mean hell I was as bad as either of you, and I still am most of the time. But Ruth and I both made it work, and we do it in spite of fights and confrontations. That’s what it means to be in a relationship. When you love someone you make it work” she said rather firmly looking at her longtime fiancé and their former love with an intense gaze to get her point across.
“But that’s my whole point!“ Lillian exclaimed a bit louder than she would have liked. “If I hadn’t left when I did, who is to say that we wouldn’t have driven each other apart? Hell whose to say we wouldn’t now? You two belong together. I won’t risk the happiness of my two best friends over something that’s, well that would end up breaking my heart too.” With more reluctance than she really cared to feel Lillian began to pull her paw out from the other two and placed it into her lap smiling painfully at her two best friends, the two women she was sure belonged together more than anyone else in the world. “I’m sorry, but you two are happy now and I won’t let anything put that at risk. Besides I’m happy where I am at this point in my life, and I’m happy having you two as friends.”
It was quite obvious that June wanted retort, so Ruth quickly squeezed her paw as if to let her know it was ok not to. The three women simply sat in silence after that, picking away at their food with small spots of small talk interspersed in a vain effort to lighten the mood. The truth was finally out in the open, and for better or worse they would all have to live with it.
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The morning light found Lillian standing over her stove with a small plate of shredded potato, watching the still-sizzling hash browns as the moisture left them, leaving the starches on the surface a nice caramelized brown. After swimming though the sea of conflicting emotions and memories she had thought long past it was nice to sink back into the one thing that she knew she had control over. With practiced care and delicacy she shuffled the spatula under the small potato cake and flipped it over which rewarded her with the telltale sizzle that let her know she had once again preformed the procedure properly. That was the beautiful thing about cooking, how easy it was to lose oneself in a rather simple task. Right now she wished that everything was so simple. It didn’t seem fair that all of these issues were coming up again, especially now when so much of her life was finally stable and she could feel comfortable with it. Now it seemed that all of the old problems were cropping up again, smashing into her life like a wrecking ball and toppling over everything she had worked so hard to set up after the hardest breakup of her life.
“Good morning Mommy!”
Lillian blinked and looked back at the happy young girl still clad in her Pjs that had now latched herself to her mothers leg. “Hello my little squeeker” the feline laughed placing a hand on her girls head. For some reason it always surprised her how much taller Ester was than she had expected. No matter how much time passed Lillian had it set in her head that the little girl should be nuzzling into her hip and no further.
“Mmmm thank you for letting me go to Jimmys shop last night. It really was a lot of fun. We even found a super Nintendo that Diana taught me how to play. Those older games are a lot harder than I thought they were going to be.” she laughed a bit and gave her mothers side a kiss turning to see what was being made.
“I’m glad you enjoyed it sweetheart. Of course I wasn’t expecting Diana to be there at all, especially considering how late it was before Jimmy brought you home. But I guess if he was around to make sure you two stayed out of trouble then it wasn’t so bad was it?” Lillian smiled again and went back to working on her food. She was glad that, if nothing else, her daughter got a nice little night in out of all this. “Who knows, maybe later today mommy will go down in the basement and fish out her old SNES so you can play it a little bit. Who knows you may end up liking it.”
“Actually mama I was going to ask if we could buy some wii points and I could get a few of those games. But if you have it that should be even better.” Ester giggled softly. “But I still want to know how your date went first Mommy. Your going to go out with Auntie Ruth and Auntie June again right? I mean it went well didn’t it?” She giglged happily and gave her mother another hard squeeze bouncing up and down as she waited the answer that she was sure to hear.
Lillian rubbed a paw over the girls hair once more and looked down with a small smile, tussing it ever so gently before putting a few of the hash browns onto a plate and picking up a couple of eggs. “Well sweetheart, we may end up spending some nights out now and then, I will admit that it was nice to be out and about for once. However I think we need to talk about this whole situation a little more. Its something I probably should have talked with you about this a long time ago.” Lil watched both of the eggs for a few moments before scraping the spatula tip under the whites and scooting them onto her little girls plate nice and set as always. “Go sit down and get started sweetheart, Mommy will be in as soon as she finishes another batch for herself.”
It was a few minutes more before Lillian finished her own eggs and made her way to the table, sitting down across from Ester who had already finished her first egg and was all but bouncing out of her seat. “Sweetheart, I know its not always easy having one parent, and I know that you like Aunt Ruth and Aunt June a lot. I mean they have been a part of your life about as long as I have.” Lillian dug the tip of her fork into some egg white and took a small bite, suddenly feeling a bit too concerned to be hungry. “I know I already told you about why we all broke up, but you have to understand its… much more complicated than worries about how you got hurt dear. Three people don’t usually make for a stable relationship, especially one that is supposed to be stable and long lasting. After the incident all three of us did a lot of talking, and I came to realize that feelings of love and companionship are not enough to hold people together for the long haul. If I had stayed with them, sooner or later something would have happened to poison the whole relationship, and I simply could not do that to them, or to you, or to myself.”
“But Mommy, if you still care about them shouldn’t that mean you just try harder? Whatever it is I’m sure it can be worked out right? I thought that was how relationships were supposed to work.” She set her fork down and gazed at her mother. It didn’t make any sense to her really, Everyone, everything she had ever heard told her that a relationship could pull though anything. Thinking about her mother denying herself a relationship for fear of how it would affect Ester was one thing, but the mouse was growing up, and with that obstacle apparently gone it seemed only right that the three of them could work out any other issues together.
That beautiful youthful idealism brought a smile to Lillian’s lips. She could remember all too well having such a simple view of the world and especially love. She placed the napkin onto the table and walked over to the other side of the small dining room table giving her darling daughter a kiss on the forehead. “I do love them dear, but things aren’t always that simple.“ Part of her wanted to tell the girl the truth, that life often had complications that went far beyond feelings of love or affection. So many couples ripped themselves apart trying over and over again to make something work when they simply didn’t have enough between them in the first place. Even the people who stayed together usually ended up rather miserable since they have so much time to change, and so many problems can get in the way. Looking into that sweet, innocent face though she knew full well that she simply couldn’t. She remembered what it was like to feel like love could overcome any other obstacle in a relationship. Even if it might end up causing her little girl to walk into that pain blind later, but that was a risk she had to take.
It didn’t really make sense to Ester how things could possibly be more complicated than that, but she also knew Mommy knew far better than she did. So far Love and hard work had gotten her past so many obstacles with Diana, seeming to push past everything the world threw at them. It frightened her to think of what things might drive the three of them apart that way, though of course it couldn’t happen to her and Diana, she was sure of that. “Mommy” she finally mumbled “does that mean you don’t think that you and Aunt Ruth and Aunt June will be making up any time soon?”
Lil shook her head and once more and ran a hand over the girls back before walking back around the table and sitting down in her seat. “Sweetheart, I love both of your aunts, and I always will. They are very special to me. Its just that now I love them as friends rather than, well rather than anything more. Its simply better for all of us since we don’t have to worry about old conflicts rearing their heads and causing problems, or any new ones creeping in and generating bad blood.” Lillian knew that none of this sounded like a good reason for her behavior. It sounded more like fear and confusion rearing their ugly heads and forcing her to come up with excuses for why she was continuing to deny herself. Hell for all she knew she could have been afraid simply because she had spent so much time trying to distance herself from the two women she cared for without a reason that felt strong enough to do so other than her child. Feelings long since buried and dormant called out to the woman for an explanation, begged to know why she was still depriving herself after all of these years. The simple fact that Lil had no reasonable answers to give made her heart sink.
Ester wasn’t really convinced about anything she was hearing. She knew her mother well enough to understand that the woman would move heaven and hell to get the things she wanted in this life and to hell with those who told her she could not. It didn’t seem to fit that her mother would abandon her chance with Ruth and June so easily over what the small mouse could only assume to be thinly veiled fear. Unforutnately there was little that she could do about that, infact all she could really do was smile up at her mother again and put a paw on that bigger feline one smiling as best she could. “I guess I understand mommy.” The small mouse said, even if it was clear to both of them she really didn’t. The strange thing about it was that she was not sure her mother really understood either.
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For some reason Ruth felt that a big breakfast seemed to cure most of the worlds ills. There was just something comforting and almost homeopathic about waking up in the morning to a large selection of good food that seemed to tell people the rest of the day would be ok. Of course in days long past that large breakfast would have fallen on Lillian’s shoulders, and the ursine was now struggling to keep her head above water by not burning the Eggos or drying out the stovetop oat meal. The lack of skill with which Ruth accomplished all of this was honestly a bit shameful, but at the moment she really didn’t care. Even if she had to burn the house down she would at least get one big breakfast finished for the day, she really owed June that much after last night.
As was customary for the manager June was sitting on the couch in some relatively comfortable cloths flipping though the pages of yet another spread sheet that told her much less than it probably should considering the time and work that obviously went into it. Usually a paper like this was either done because someone was looking to suck up, or because the company decided they needed more information on some unimportant aspect of their internal workings and thus demanded to know the status of every project on every level. June dispised the former, and usually complained to the higher-ups about the latter causing her department to slow when she caught it, but considering how difficult it was to distinguish brown nosing from red tape all she could do was sit there and flip though the papers in a kind of quiet rage.
Ruth knew all too well that aura of anger surrounding her beloved, and knew for a fact that it was far more than the usual frustrations of her work. With all the grace and tact of a bolder Ruth slipped past the couch and placed her offering of Waffles, oatmeal, orange juice and overloaded cinnamon toast down on the coffee table in front of the frustrated stoat cracking her usual overly wry smile. “Looked like you needed something to get you though the morning sweetie. Paperwork getting you down again?” She didn’t wait for an answer, instead moving around the couch and plopping herself unceremoniously at the other end.
Neither the warm good morning greeting nor the sudden jolt as her fiancés considerable frame smashed into the couch snapped June out of her aggressive concentration. She felt bitter, and frustrated, something she knew would end up getting taken out on Ruth if she actually responded to these kind gestures. Deep in her mind she was still going over the events of the previous night and trying hard to see the exact moment where things started to sour. It was like someone had decided to rip open an old wound that had never quite healed right, and now that wound was left gaping and throbbing, overly sensitive to even the slightest touch. Knowing that and knowing her Fiancé it was all too predictable that Ruth would start poking almost immediately.
The two spent the next few minutes in awkward silence, no TV or conversation to distract form the gravity of the situation. Ruth gazed at June for a few more moments before scooting in closer and putting one arm around her shoulders, looking down at the stoat she had fallen in love with so many years ago. “You know if you want to talk about it I would be more than happy to listen. I mean its not like I don’t have a good idea of why your upset already, and you know how I hate to see you upset.” Ruth held that sincere and understanding smile even as her arm was shoved back rather forcefully with a hard shrug and left to dangle behind the couch.
“I’m fine.” June muttered in a tone that clearly indicated she was not. Her eyes gazed down at the report and scanned it a few more moments before finally pushing the papers aside and standing up waling her way slowly towards the bathroom.
“I already put all of that fancy shower stuff of yours out, and lit a few candles. I had a feeling you would be needing it.” Ruth called out.
June stopped in her tracks, turning back to face Ruth with a look that could split concrete. Ruth stayed transfixed in that puzzling gaze for several long moments, watching the stoat slowly storm her way towards the couch once more. “Why in the hell would you do that? Do you want me to keep thinking about it? Is that it? Isn’t it enough that we spent last night out with Lil and got jerked around? Hell do you even realize that she was jerking us around? God damn it Ruth are you just too laid back to even notice these things?” June was trying like hell to sound angry, trying hard as she could to keep that tone of indignation in her voice. Even as she said these words though she could hear the tinge of sorrow and frustration, the trembling of tears begging to come out. “Why.. Why the hell did this happen? Why couldn’t we just stick to what we already had? Everything was just settled and done with… and now… Now I don‘t know what to think anymore.”
With a quickness that belied her size Ruth was up and holding on to June, pulling the other woman’s face into her and running a paw over those soft auburn strands of hair with a soft sigh. “I know sweetheart its not fair. It hurts a lot more to think about losing her again, but there is nothing we can do. Lil has to make up her own mind and we just have to support her I guess.” She almost choked on the words. Ruth wanted Lillian back too, probably as much as June did, though she wouldn’t dare say more. But she also knew that such a thing probably would not be possible after so many years of being nothing more than friends. Ruth ran a finger under her beloveds muzzle and tilted it up slowly unaware of the tears in her own eyes as she brushed away those in Junes. “Sweetheart, I love you. I know how hard it is to feel like we won’t be anything more than friends to Lillian, but if she is scared or uncomfortable then pushing her can only make it worse right? I did that once remember? I know it hurts but driving her further away would only hurt more. If it was meant to be then all we can really do is have faith that things will work out.”
June just gazed back up into those big brown eyes and nodded softly, meekly. She tensed against the massive woman now free and clear of the uncharacteristic rage that had been taking her over far too often lately. “I’m… sorry. I just wish I knew why things are getting so complicated again. It just feels like we’re losing control of everything, like everything we established is being put to the test again. I just… I hate it.”
Ruth nodded and held June close kissing the Stoats forehead gently. “I know sweetheart I know. But we do have each other right? If she wants to be with us, she will be with us. If not then its not meant to be. But I do love you, I love you with all my heart. No matter what else happens I love you more than my life itself, and I will always be here for you.” She slowly tilted Junes head up a bit and touched her nose to the other woman’s tearstained snout “I may not have been smart enough to treat you both right before, but I’ll treat you like you deserve, and who knows maybe someday we will both have Lil back with us. Her little girl did pick up a few traits from her after all” she said reassuringly and holding on to her hard as the two women just stood in the profound silence of the apartment.
