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Sissyliana
Sissyliana's Gallery (11)

Student Body Chapter 1 (Critique requested)

Student Body chapter 2
stud_body_0_draft.rtf
Keywords male 1108917, female 998670, bunny 104433, crossdressing 17175, cow 11220, panther 7622, teenage 1667, childhood 1027, high school 452, students 388, non sexual 136, fifteen 8, suburbia 6
An example of one of the more troubling times in any child's life is the example of moving to a new home and feeling the strong alienation of the unfamiliarity of a new house on a new street in a new suburb of a new town, Essentially it is an unexplored world larger than what was once seen and intimidates the child with its endless new sights. The child will seek what is and was familiar what was truly their one home before their move and the comfort it brings. Another Example of troubling childhood times, is being late for your first day at your new school, a trouble that Alex, a fifteen year old Black furred Bunny rabbit dressed in a ripped red hooded jumper with a grey long sleeve shirt underneath and with medium fit blue jeans matching his sand-shoes with little skull prints on the heels.
"GAAAH!" he screams running down the road franticly as his bag shakes rattles and hits him on his back with every clumsy rushed step " HOW COULD I HAVE SLEPT IN!?" the answer to that is an alarm clock with a dead battery underneath a pile of pillows on the floor, which coincidentally is a third example of a troubling time for a child.

Student body Chapter 1
First impressions

Before the morning of the late arrival to school Alex had a full week off to adjust to his new home on a lovely looking suburb  in a small one floor home. During that week was the most painfully obvious awkward silences he shared with his father; Brent who had decided on the move all by himself with no input or say from Alex. He wasn't confused to all the reasons for moving but he didn't like any of them, his parents recently divorced and thats the majority of the reasons they moved. Alex knew there were more reasons, like the reasons they had the divorce which Brent would never discuss and that his mother avoided entirely whenever asked.
It was a cold and bitter air in the home the tension between father and son obvious with Alex taking to spending the most of the days in his room trying to ignore the new world outside. A new world with the loud new neighbours and the bright new sun. There was something Alex knew deep down inside, that he would have to go out, meet these people at odd social gatherings, like pools parties, or barbecues, or some horrifyingly mundane holiday celebration that took no risks in celebrating anything but people coming together and being nice. He never liked that, Halloween was scary and a reason to look goofy, christmas was about snow presents to family and a massive dinner, Birthdays were reasons to go out to fancy restaurants and make underpaid waiting staff sing awkwardly and embarrassingly . That of course all involved his parents, both of them.
Alex's Mother; Claire, was a police officer when Alex was much younger so he rarely saw his mother during the days.
Ever since the divorce Alex spent the most time trying to remember "fond" memories, Something to evoke some sense of sorrow or loss, he could find a few, he found many sensations he was going to miss but very few memories.
the sensations He knew to miss were a mothers embrace, calm soothing voice, words of untapped feminine wisdom and her smile. That smile, that without words told him everything was going to be okay. It was when he recalled the smile one odd incident arose in his mind, a very young memory with cloudy details to the sides of the full picture.
A five year old Alex wanders away from his sleeping father; tired and reclined on a chair, to go and explore his parent's bedroom. Inside Alex looks into the large mirrored wardrobe that held his father's suits and mother's dresses. One idea links to another and Alex recalls playing his first ever game of "dress up". He manages a purple sunday dress from a hanger and finds a straw woven hat, kicks off his shoes and slips literally into a pair of high heels, both of which don't match and were very hard to walk in. Then there was a chuckle, soft and sweet more a giggle than anything. Alex turns to see his mother standing leaning on the bedroom door looking down to him with that soft gentle smile. Alex began to cry and his mother knelt down and held him close then the memory gets distorted, forgotten but he can still remember that she says something but it's lost to him.
Finally Alex has a memory that makes him long to be back with his mother, and for the first time in a long while, a day before he is to start a new school and succumb to a new life, He cries softly into his sleep.

He slams into the door tripping over his feet a lace in his shoe caught underneath the door he crashes to meet the floor and is welcomed with familiar muffled laughter of a youthful environment.
"Mr Barton I presume?" said a very stern youthful but wise voice, the teacher Miss Abercrombie looked down a hand place on her hip and another holding a piece of chalk as she stands next to an old blackboard. Alex found his feet stood up straight and looked to his new teacher apologising as he did she was a zebra, but no mohawk like the always thought they had she wore her hair or mane down. She didn't look like a proper teacher,she was young possibly mid to late twenties and was adorned in a crimson fabric uniform with a long skirt "We hope you'll be here tomorrow better prepared Mr Barton that door is very unforgiving to unkempt shoes." both of his shoes were untied by his frantic running and he apologised again. "We also hope by tomorrow you will have procured your school uniform" there was laughter again and finally Alex turned his head glancing out the sides of his eyes the entire classroom of room B dash one. Twenty or so, lots of unfilled seats and a lot of girls. His head snapped back to Miss Abercrombie feeling her eyes glare at him before finally she broke that stern demeanour and smiled to him. "It's alright there the school was informed you'd lack your uniform, shipping was so sudden, your father had to call and tell ahead of time" thats right he saw it, the dark grey uniforms with blue and white ties, and white shirts on the entire class.
"Still no sign of it ma'am" he said rubbing the back of his head
"Well please introduce yourself to the class, you have a minute before registration is over." She has that youthful spry eagerness to her, that emanating feeling of a true fondness one takes in a job, it courses through the classroom even from the way she sits on the edge of her table.
They're staring to him now though, staring and waiting for some info that best introduces him in the dimmest but simplest lights for his first impression.
"Well I uhm" a fourth example of a difficult time for a child is first impressions, To the youth first impressions are thought always to be done right, when in truth they have always been either entirely wrong or simple, just okay. Thankfully Alex feels he lands in the "Just okay" side of things.
"I moved here about a week ago from my old home in Cumernant City, I was in a flat instead of my new house. I'm here only with my dad, I don't have any brothers or sisters. Back in my last school I was Pretty good at learning the Piano apart of my music class, It was kind of my favourite since there was this funny music teacher there. In my spare time though I guess I'm either watching TV or reading” Just Okay.
"Thats all very interesting Alex Does anyone have a question for Alex?" a few hands rose to Miss Abercrombie to point out them each. the first landed on a small pudgy cow girl with blonde flowing hair a small clip to keep it from hiding her face.
"What can you play on piano then?" she asked.
"Well the old school usually taught these easy cheesy rock and pop songs I cant remember their names, but one has this thing about not stopping believing" the cow girl and a few other students chuckled as another child was pointed out, and then another and another so on so forth till finally the bell rang out for the first period.

He was used to this set up in high school life, the classes separate and an hour long each but he was thankful they were now all held in the same classroom and that teachers moved around instead, After his registration Miss Abercrombie left for her first class, she taught English and Alex would see here after the first break a twenty minute long rest after the first two classes. when it came about the cowgirl from earlier came over to his seat “Hi there” she said smiling cutely sitting herself down “I’m Toni and this is Tristan” she said pointing behind her, Alex leaned his head to the side but could only see a black panther boy near the front sitting and typing away on his phone. Noticing how far Alex was having to look Toni turned herself around and proceeded to fetch the panther by his ear and bring him over “Like i said, this is Tristan” Alex simply chuckled uncomfortably and smiled
“Hi there” Alex said looking between them both  the smiling Toni and the preoccupied Tristan
“Oh don’t mind him He’s nice and everything he’s just using this time to chat up his foreign girlfriend.” Tristan just kept his head down typing on his phone. “Sometimes he’s so engrossed in it I can play games with him, like this. Tristan do you mind if i rip up your comics?” He simply grunted an uninterested grunt in response “tristan would you mind if i told everyone you have a fear of mice?” the same grunt in response and now Alex was chuckling “Okay, Tristan if you grunt one more time, you’re agreeing to come to my house and try on my bra and panties” Alex had to stifle himself before he blurted out a loud laugh, then Tristan gave a grunt while Toni and Alex began to laugh finally breaking him out of his spell with the phone.
Toni Sat down beginning to ask more about Alex while Tristan sat in bewilderment of the silly deal he had inadvertently made while Alex smiled and did his best to amuse them both with his answers. The topic soon came around to TV shows and finally Tristan perked himself into the conversation when Alex had told them he enjoyed a series of shows similar to Tristan and on an Equal level of fanatical worship. Alex found himself enjoying the chats feeling the pressure of his first day lifting from his shoulders even when the bell rang again.
Later in the large clean and mostly metallic lunch hall Alex had reunited with Toni and Tristan, who proceeded to take his phone number if he ever wanted to know anything or to chat more. Toni was abundantly confident in making new friends where as Tristan felt obligated to match with Toni, Alex did not mind this though, It was his first day and already he felt like he had two wonderful new friends, though when they all compared lunches he did feel much safer sitting next to Toni than with Tristan who devoured a meaty sandwich and cured jerky. “Thank god for herbivores” he thought.
Sitting still for so long Alex noticed the general cliques of high school life sat within the lunch hall and some that stayed outside within viewing distance of the window. There will always be your usual suspects, the jocks the preppies the chess team the political achievers who tend to suffer little to no social issues in high school life, or so the movies make you believe. Then on the outside, the goth, emo, vampire like crowds all dispersed between the game freaks nerds geeks and so on. It wasn’t nice Alex listing them all off but it’s just how he saw them on first impressions. He began to wonder where he would fall into.
He wasn’t nearly sporty enough to be a jock or preppy and he didn’t consider himself to be that nerdy about things, in public of course, would he wind up likely joining in with some one else? It took a bewildered look on Tristan’s face to bring him back but he knew, Toni had just told him about the sudden “bra deal” and again Toni and Alex just laughed it off. Maybe Alex is with an entirely different clique altogether for now, one of silly deals friendly bovines and confused panthers.
Before he knew it Alex had whisked away his first day of school with easily forgettable final classes of science and math that passed him by in a blur of numbers and drowned out squawking of his teachers trying effortlessly to make what can be entertaining the most routine and interest depriving acts, and all he wanted was to be talking with Toni and Tristan once more. The hill back up to the suburb Alex now resided in was clear of all public sign of life, no one on the foot paths, no children out climbing the trees of the forest next to it, and no sign of anyone in the houses yet evident by the drawn curtains empty drive ways and yard toys left out on the small patches of grass outside the front doors. It all seemed to emanate this stale boring air to the entire suburb. The life of it had been the young loud children running and playing, what kept that life in check was the constant presence of the adulthood world many of whom must still be in work.
Alex thought back to when he was younger, after school moments spent running around outside playing around the street and always under the watchful gaze of his parents. There weren’t many other children on his street when he was younger, the only children he ever played with were two neighbour squirrel girls. One day they asked him to play while their mothers talked, the girls showed them Bettie dolls they had while Alex showed his policeman toy. They played had fun and Alex pretended to write up the Bettie-mobile for parking in the wrong place, they laughed and the girls swapped him a bettie doll for a short moment while they tried fitting the policeman toy in a bettie dress, it almost fit, it also almost ripped the dress in half because of its frame and they all laughed.
Smiling Alex finally noticed some kids had come out to play in the moment he had spaced out reliving his memory. Then there was the familiar tune of “I’m gonna do what i want” by the Racoons an old rock band Alex liked. It was his phone ringing and the contact was Toni. He flicked his finger across the face of the phone and answered “Hello?”
“Okay so what gives? Thought we were doing this deal.”
“What deal? i was on my way home”
“You don’t live too far from me, come to Krambs cross we’ll wait outside” Alex was only getting more confused with Toni avoiding the question.
“What deal?”
“Making Tristan wear panties of course” In the background he could hear the hushed rapid protests from Tristan. Was she serious about this from the start? He wondered what to say next before she answered back down the phone “Remember Krambs cross not far from your street. See you when we do” she said finishing her bubbly confident happy self before the click of the phone and dead silence permeated in his ear. Dad was not home for another three hours or so his shifts ran late into supper time. Alex toyed with the face of his phone before nodding his head and walking beyond the suburb and passing the forest pathway to make it to Krambs cross a much fancier newly built suburb with newly designed two story homes. Alex felt a bit of envy that these houses looked so nice in comparison to his new suburb home the bungalow he now shared with his dad, he could faintly smell the tinge of pool cleansing chlorine.
“Lucky bandits” is all he thought envious of anyone to have a pool, before he saw the excited waving hand of Toni and the dismayed reddened face of Tristan who stood shoulders slumped forward and his collar pulled up to hide what little of his pitch black face he could.
“Finally! okay so now we can get on with today” Toni said as if she were in no position of discomfort what so ever while Tristan said nothing and looked constantly away from Alex.
“Wait Toni you were serious about the panty deal? i thought that was a joke, look at Tristan he’s clearly not up to this” Toni stopped at the door of a house, hers he assumed, turning to face both boys she simply smiled.
“Yeah thats not whats wrong and it wasn’t a joke, See we’ve had a deal for a long time Alex” and with a smile she opened the door wide as Tristan walked in Alex trailing in behind them both in complete bewilderment. “Mom” Toni shouted to the back of the house “I’m home, i brought Tristan and a new friend over. I’ll be in the factory” It was as if every time Toni spoke she introduced a new element to further confuse and make Alex question everything, factory? Toni led the boys upstairs and flung open a door to a bright purple designed room with a large wardrobe where she threw her schoolbag aside before dragging both off to another room with a bit of paper taped to it with bubbled handwriting titling it “The factory” and once she pushed aside the door Alex looked inside with awe at the complete setup.
Toni as it turned out had an eye and passion for designing clothes, all female all styles. There were dress designs plastering the walls a large table with its sides completely built up of long drawers full of different fabrics and materials and atop it a heavy looking sewing machine, it looked industrial but that was only due to its large size. There were full body mirrors on the wall that detached and swung around to make separators for the room. the carpet was littered with bits of thread, tiny fake jewel fragments, cuts of fabric and a set of pillows scattered around the room.
“Welcome” Toni said waving her hand in “To the factory, Sole supplier of cross dresser schoolboy clothing” Alex stood stunned stepping in the details swirling around him as he turned, before catching it again. Something Toni said that added a new level of confusion to the situation and a new question.
“Cross dresser?”
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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First in pool
Student Body chapter 2
A boy enters into a new home, starts a new school and meets new friends. Your average start to a story about divorce, confusing new experiences and coming to terms with your desire to cross dress.

Keywords
male 1,108,917, female 998,670, bunny 104,433, crossdressing 17,175, cow 11,220, panther 7,622, teenage 1,667, childhood 1,027, high school 452, students 388, non sexual 136, fifteen 8, suburbia 6
Details
Type: Writing - Document
Published: 10 years, 1 month ago
Rating: General

MD5 Hash for Page 1... Show Find Identical Posts [?]
Stats
242 views
3 favorites
18 comments

BBCode Tags Show [?]
 
DSHooves
10 years, 1 month ago
I'll give this a once-over once I get some sleep. If I like it, I may decide to draw you a cover image of it, if you don't mind. :) It would give me a chance to practice my anthro art (and, cross dressing is a small kink of mine!)!

I promise, no pony style! <3
Sissyliana
10 years, 1 month ago
And I'll start another ticket to have it removed if you do.
DSHooves
10 years, 1 month ago
Woah, calm down there sugar! You'd have complete control on what the characters are doing and the style in which it's drawn. I'm offering you free art to make this submission more visually catching to the reader. No need to get on the offensive.
DSHooves
10 years, 1 month ago
I am quite curious on how you'd intend to report me, given that you blocked all of my submissions. Unless I linked you directly to it, you'd be none the wiser.

As far as my review goes, your story is okay, sub par at best. Lots of unneeded caps, poor sentence structure and lots of grammar errors make this feel like a rush job. Alex was cute in the first chapter - reminding me of Usagi from Sailor Moon.

The main problem I have with the way this is written is the lack of more in-depth imagery. Yes, Alex in the first memories wore his mothers heels. Yes, they were mismatched - but how? Color? Style? Wedges versus stelletos?

All in all, I give this story a very generous one star rating in my favorites. Keep at it, I see potential in this - and in you.

Check out my buddy
tannim
tannim
's stories if you need ideas for descriptive imagery.

As always, stay sexy!
Sissyliana
10 years, 1 month ago
He is also blocked so I cannot.
DSHooves
10 years, 1 month ago
Then if you need real life authors to pull inspiration from, I suggest Tolken (Lord of the Rings) and C.S. Lewis. (Narnia)
Sissyliana
10 years, 1 month ago
I'll stick to john green, and harlan ellison.
DSHooves
10 years, 1 month ago
Can't say I've heard of them. What series are they known for? Time for this gal to edu-ma-cate herself!
Sissyliana
10 years, 1 month ago
........ John green. Vlog brother. Highly famous on the internet for his semi comical semi educational vlogs between himself and his brother hank green. wrote the books "looking for alaska" "an abundance of katherines" "The fault in our stars" which earned him the new york times best seller.
Harlan Ellison, Classical Sci fi novella writer, wrote "I have no mouth and i must scream" "A boy and his dog" "Grail" has been heralded as a sci fi genius through the decades, has written for major television shows, has written over 1700 short stories.
DSHooves
10 years, 1 month ago
A boy and his dog! Post-apocolyptic story, right? I saw the movie adaptation of that a looong time ago when I did a retro movie binge - i assume the novel dances circles around it though.

You a huge Sci Fi fan? Or just in the "i know what I like." mindset?
Sissyliana
10 years, 1 month ago
I enjoy sci fi when it's done well yes. I have not looked into the movie, Harlan's luck with Cinema has always been a fickle relation with many a heartbreak and backstabbing. His works are best either read, or heard as Mr Ellison does all his own audiobooks when able.
DSHooves
10 years, 1 month ago
Really? I knew Hollywood took advantage of folks (the comic world is no better) but what kind of backstabbing do you mean?

Does his own audiobooks. There's a professional writer I can respect and admire! I always thought it neat that William Shatner, Leonard Nemoy and John deLancie (in the audiobooks Ive listened to) all played their respective roles - quite convincingly, I might add.
Sissyliana
10 years, 1 month ago
In one instance Harlan Ellison wrote himself sick (literally gave himself Pneumonia by writting a full 24 hours naked in a hotel room while he had a producer's credit for a movie he was working on) while in hospital two other producers reduced his cut of the profits and his producer's rights ultimately ruining his reputation in the film world since the film was a flop. All of his audiobooks are unabridged no actors.
Sissyliana
10 years ago
Can you point out to me the errors I made for when I rewrite this then?
DSHooves
10 years ago
Oh sure! No problemo, man. :)
Sissyliana
10 years ago
Thank you very much for your help then. I would really like to get this story out of my system and on here.
Sissyliana
10 years ago
Then take it there's nothing to add or take away from.
Or perhaps the total silence is a sign i should just quit all together. Wouldn't be surprised if it were the latter
DSHooves
10 years ago
Oh sorry! I got super wrapped up in writing that I honestly, had forgotten to critique this.

Give me a day or so, and I'll reply to your PM and work on this, okay?

Again, sorry. I didn't mean to give the impression I was ignoring you. X.x
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