The Whole Kit And Kazoodle - page 12 by kitsuneyoukai < Submission

39 Comments on this Submission

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Podo

10 years, 4 months ago

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BAD

Exelbirth

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ Podo

...Breegulls Against Diabetes? Banjos And Dragons? Beavers Aardvarks and Donkeys?

Podo

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ Exelbirth

I said bad because Rape makes me angry

Dachende

10 years, 4 months ago

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Edited 10 years, 4 months ago by Owner

@ Podo

lets gather some hunting equipment and turn their skulls and spines into tropbies!!!!!!!! I don't like rape either, and as a yautja, Anything like that is dishonoring a female, which is against our honor code. KILL THE BAD BLOODS!!!!!!!

sorry, I like to rp

Podo

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ Dachende

it's ok, I do too

jorun1981

10 years, 4 months ago

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Looks so stunning. Really enjoyed to watch you stream this.

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ jorun1981

kit really appreciated this comment ^^ he rarely posts replies himself, though

SpaceShipEarth

10 years, 4 months ago

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And so the plot thickens

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ SpaceShipEarth

like a delicious stew

SpaceShipEarth

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ elderflowerpudding

XD

PS I love kazooie's girlfriends (Not that way... get your mind out of the gutter LOL)

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ SpaceShipEarth

^-^ i'm glad. i'd be happy to set you up with one :P

SpaceShipEarth

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ elderflowerpudding

Invisiblebear

10 years, 4 months ago

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*Sneaks into the adults room with a blade in hand.*

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ Invisiblebear

there are actually two adult bedrooms, and they're on the first floor on the southeast side the building--across the hall from the nurse's office, where kazooie was last page. would you or anyone else be interested in me uploading the orphanage's floorplan?

Invisiblebear

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ elderflowerpudding

????

puppydemon20

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ elderflowerpudding

Yes! Floor plans!

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ puppydemon20

there ya go ^^ http://www.kitchan.org/gallery/bk/orphanage.png

ruink

10 years, 4 months ago

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I vote to see what happened between pages 11 and 12 if there's still time after this gets done

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ ruink

duly noted :9

SiriusFace

10 years, 4 months ago

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I've never played this game and I know absolutely nothing about it, but this comic has made me really interested to go back to my childhood and see just what I missed out on.

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ SiriusFace

well this is a nothing more than a prequel that speculates at how banjo and kazooie met and how kazooie got the attitude she has in the games. by which i mean it's not like these are characters in the games except for kazooie.

you know how kazooie says on this page that she wants to fall in love and go on adventures? the games are where she goes on adventures with the one she loves :3

GamerGuy4000

10 years, 4 months ago

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I have no words other than "Bravo"

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ GamerGuy4000

xcar

10 years, 4 months ago

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Where are pages 10 and 11?

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ xcar

you may have mature and adult content disabled. to enable, do
account > settings > allowed ratings (on the right) > check boxes

page 10 is marked as mature for mild violence, and page 11 is marked as adult for sexual themes

ZombyWoof

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ elderflowerpudding

I've noticed that I dont have any filters active, and yet it still blocks those submissions which is very frustrating since I dont quite know how to fix that

ZombyWoof

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ elderflowerpudding

Nevermind, I misread the text about the boxes, my bad ^^;

xcar

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ elderflowerpudding

I see, you're right, I have the violence box dissable, I didn't know it dissapeared all those election, I though it just censured them, thank you for your help and patience =)

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ xcar

= )

shaddurak

10 years, 4 months ago

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i have a sudden urge to go rhino hunting

MystBunny

10 years, 4 months ago

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Aww, want to see the implied scene =9

Shryke

10 years, 4 months ago

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I don't think Kazooie treated the realization trivially, like some mystery she just solved...

LatinoOso1965

10 years, 4 months ago

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Great story im beginning to understand this story as a whole on the tragedies of Kazooie and she overcame them till she meets Banjo later on in life Bravo on this great storyline bravo to all of you .

Gennie

10 years, 4 months ago

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Is there going to be ANY porn in this or?

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ Gennie

yep. pages 23-35

FrostbiteTiger

10 years, 4 months ago

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i'd would show up there ready to adopt a couple of the girls and would more than likely show up again holding a couple wall mount's the those rhinos names on them

JimPaladin

10 years, 4 months ago

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Alright, look.  Despite the fact this comic is incredibly awful in terms of dialogue and writing, I can see you people do put a lot of effort into it so I think it deserves an at least in-depth review.

Let me begin by saying that I stumbled across this thanks to a friend who showed it to me months ago, and we had fun reading the horribly over-serious tone of the story (It's a freaking Banjo-Kazooie story for fuck's sake.), and recently, (as in, just now) we both discovered this site as the sort of "source" of the comic (we'd been seeing it on places like DiviantArt and stuff), and I assume this must be the most recent page; so I did the thing that I KNEW I had to do, and signed up to this website in order to leave a tl;dr shit-fling at your comic.

That said;

While I outwardly admit this is horrible, I'll start from the beginning and explain why this story just isn't working.

First of all, like I said.  This is Banjo-Kazooie.  This story does not need a bunch of overly-dramatic themes about religion and rape and abusive child hoods and stuff.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for writing in backstories to characters that don't have any, I'm not saying you're not allowed to imagine up a backstory for Kazooie, but you really have to keep in the theme of the source material, otherwise it's unfitting and weird.

This doesn't feel like a Banjo-Kazooie story at all, and I mean that in a bad way.  This should have just been a story about Kazooie being an orphan in a plucky orphanage before escaping into the world, getting slightly depressed at the loss of her parents as she realizes they're actually dead, then meeting Banjo or something.  Not having satanist parents who die in a house fire before being taken in by a priest, where tons of religious themes are jammed down our throats, before he dies and then she's sent off to some abusive rape home.

Other than the fact the tone is completely unfitting, the story itself is very, very weak.  We barely get any time with Kazooie's stepfather before he just dies and that entire chunk of the plot seems to hardly impact the rest of the story at all, it just seems to serve as an overly depressing moment for Kazooie to go through.  Then she had her school, where kids were mean to her or whatever (I forget just what happened there), but then that's just dropped and now she's here.

There barely even seems to be a plot to this mess.  It's just excuses and justifications to place Kazooie in increasingly bad, depressing situations for no other reason than to be all OH MY GOD LOOK HOW SAD THAT IS :,,,(.

Think about it, does a story about Banjo-Kazooie need to include child rape?  Like, did you even think that through at all?  Does it have anything to do with the story as a whole?  Does it impact the plot or the decisions of Kazooie in a way major enough to justify including it?  Or is it just THIS IS GOING TO BE SO SAD AND GRIM AND DARK WHEN PEOPLE SEE THEY RAPED THIS GIRL?  My money is on the latter.

While I have nothing but bad things to say about furries and about the plot of this story thus far, I will say there is a small bit of artistic talent here and you do manage to do a good job of making the art match the style of Banjo Kazooie.  I would strongly suggest you either drop this project entirely or at least start over.

It wouldn't even be so bad if it was all grim and dramatic, to serve as a "mature" look at an otherwise kid-friendly story, but the plot itself is all over the place and bad and is clearly only there to make Kazooie's situation worse for no reason other than to generate easy sympathy for no reason.  It's a plot that serves nothing and has no purpose other than to be depressing while achieving nothing or giving any real messages outside of maybe just a generic "always be strong no matter what happens", which is middle-school level writing.

That's my take on it.  Good luck, I guess.

JimPaladin

10 years, 4 months ago

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Edited 10 years, 4 months ago by Owner

Edit: Nevermind, I read that you plan to include porn in this, making it a pornographic comic; so I guess plot has nothing to do with anything.

You sick fucking retards.

elderflowerpudding

10 years, 4 months ago

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@ JimPaladin

first, let me just say, i've never seen a name that more quickly than yours reveals a commenter to be an often butthurt white knight XD thanks for coming all the way from 4chan :3 musta been a hard trip.

"	JimPaladin wrote:
	This should have just been a story about Kazooie being an orphan in a plucky orphanage before escaping into the world, getting slightly depressed at the loss of her parents as she realizes they're actually dead, then meeting Banjo or something.

what was that about middle-school writing? :3

i had just as much fun reading your comment as i suspect you did reading the comic! not that i don't get your points, but i would just be bored silly by your alternative plot there. of course, you're right that that plot would fit with the themes of the games much better. it's like one of those crappy comic-book series that the official company publishes to sell merchandise.

the theme of banjo-kazooie works because it's an adventure video game where being thrown into a silly world is an appropriate substitute for backstory. my story is hamfisted, full of time skips, and lacking enough scenes to tell the story i want to tell because of our page limit, but it doesn't sound like any of those is your problem with it! you'd complain about any story that treated banjo-kazooie seriously. if i spent years writing you an excellent, meaningful, nicely toned banjo-kazooie novel, it would still make you laugh because you can't see the characters as characters. you just see them and the world they live in as the stereotypes presented to you in the games.

i call the kind of thing you want to see "deck-of-cards" or "magic-the-gathering" writing. each character (and maybe even setting) has a special ability, and the way the story plays out simply depends on what's in your hand, how those abilities interact. there's only the illusion of depth beyond those abilities. everything's stupid and predictable, exposition isn't needed, and the audience feels led on. most importantly, there's no chance for any meaning to happen because the story doesn't contain the ingredients for it. fate stay night and fate zero are excellent examples of the failings of this style of storytelling.

this isn't the kind of fanfiction you're used to. instead of taking everything as a direct cue from the source material, i've co-opted some elements from the source material (kazooie, the general setting) and stuffed them into my own story. it's no wonder you're not comfortable with it!

i know this story doesn't work well (and mostly not for the reasons you're talking about). to tell you the truth, i hate my writing! especially in comics! but i'll tell you why i keep doing it: because a person has to write 10,000 crappy things before they can produce even one decent thing. to answer your question: yes, i've thought it all through. it's what i came up with, and i'm sorry you don't like it. but am i supposed to curl up and die because i've failed to impress one person? nuh uh :3 instead, i'm going to keep improving, and god knows if i'll ever impress you.

thanks for saying kitsu, the artist, has talent. i'm the writer, a different person. you can blame me for being what's wrong with this comic if you like :3 and thank you for your feedback. i appreciate you being concerned enough to actually detail why you hated it. oh! and i'm glad the comic entertained you :3 depending on your definition of what a writer is, you might say i had a real success here because you gave a shit at all ^~

last, judging by your second message, you think porn in a story means it has to follow a completely different set of rules and can't contain meaningful stuff? and you think that furry sex is sick? even though you enjoy video games starring furries? heheheh. to put it mildly, you're certainly not the kind of person we're producing this for.

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The Whole Kit And Kazoodle - page 12

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