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Color Commish: A Flower for Thee by Teaselbone, colored by me
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CashewLou
CashewLou's Gallery (140)

State of the Lou

Color Comm: Hotspring Lake by Crux, colored by me
ropesend.doc
Keywords male 1108967, wolf 181295, cashewlou 125, essay 28
I'm at the end of my rope, and if I try to tie a knot, I'll fall off.

This has been my 2012 in a nutshell:

*  Since my layoff last February, I have, to date, applied for 2,519 jobs. That averages out to just over 48 jobs per week. I still spend, every day, six to ten hours a day, looking for work.

*  In that time, I've had 26 telephone interviews and 9 face-to-face interviews. None of them panned out.

*  In late April, I had a small stroke, leaving me blind in my left eye for nearly five months, and with limited use of my left hand. Both conditions persist, but are not as extreme as they were.

*  Thanks to a few freelance writing assignments I was able to land, my total income for the past year was $9,500.

*  I've been to 22 networking/resume exchange events. I can't count the number of handshakes and resumes I gave out, only to get a smile and a nod and “You sound good. You'll be hearing from us.” Countless follow-ups later, and...nothing.

*  I've contacted, or have been contacted by, at least 50 professional recruiters. Invariably, they contact me with a position in mind that fits my qualifications, I express interest...and they disappear, ignoring all my attempts to follow up. I remain convinced that recruiters do everything but place people.

Without the help of good people who are concerned for my well-being, I wouldn't even have gotten this far. I know, after a year of this, my situation is straining my relationship with these people, and, frankly, no one wants to hang out with someone who's down on their luck. I understand that, and am tired of being an added burden to them. Bottom line: I don't much like the charity case I have become. Nearly all my life to this point, I was able to take care of myself pretty well. Yes, I would lean on friends and family on occasion, but they, too, could lean on me. Now it is all take, take, take on my side of the equation. I have become a leech with no redeemable societal value.

Good people with the best of intentions offer me advice, with the “teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime” philosophy in mind. I've used much of this advice over the past year, and it hasn't seemed to work for me, or can't work for me. Some examples:

Don't look for the perfect job right now; take anything that pays. I have. I've applied to McDonald's, Target, assisted home living, full-time, part-time, work-at-home; you name it. Thus far, those few who have replied have said I'm “overqualified,” even with the “dumbed-down” version of my resume. One hiring manager was kind enough to elaborate, telling me they wanted people who would stay an extended period of time, and that with my qualifications they expected I would jump ship the moment something better came along. So, even as a placeholder, that advice doesn't seem to be bearing fruit in my situation.

Also, there are physical limitations for me to consider. Under doctor's orders, I'm not supposed to lift more than 25 pounds or stand for prolonged periods of time. I'm by no means an invalid, but I have to keep these restrictions in mind when looking for work.

Apply for help (food stamps, rent assistance, etc.) Again, I have done this. First, I'm not eligible for unemployment at this time. Second, I live in a state (Texas) that is rated among the very worst when it comes to social support programs. Nonetheless, I've applied to every city, county, state, federal and nonprofit help program I've been able to find. The sad truth (and I've been told this numerous times) is that higher priority is given to families with children and minorities. By the time my name comes up on the waiting list, my being a single white male, there's simply nothing left. I've gotten some food stamps, so I'm by no means starving, but as for any other relief, I'm simply out of luck.

Seek financial counseling. I have, and I continue to. The only problem is that, with no income at all at the moment, none of my creditors are willing to listen. Even though you can't get blood from a stone, they call me, sometimes up to 16 times a day, despite the fact that I have no new information for them. Once I have income, I can strike a deal with them; until then, they don't care what I have to say.

A little side note here: I'm going through my bank in order to take care of this problem, but I did a lot of online research on the topic, and there are tons of predatory “credit counseling services” out there who are not what they seem, nor do they have your personal well-being in mind. They're soulless sharks, and will milk you for every red cent you have, without any measurable results.

File for bankruptcy.This is an option I've been giving very serious thought, despite the crippling blow it would deliver to my credit—but as things stand now, my rating can't drop much lower. The only problem is that it costs a considerable amount to file, up to $1,500 in personal bankruptcy cases. I just don't have that kind of money. Also, although the point is probably moot now, I would lose my apartment instantly if I filed bankruptcy. I guess that's not so much a consideration anymore since that looks highly likely anyway.

Move in/couch-surf with someone until you get back on your feet. I've looked into this, and it doesn't seem to be a valid option, with either family or friends. The people I know either don't have any space or are financially strapped themselves. Additionally, for the time being I'm limited to the city of Austin; I don't have the wherewithal to move anywhere else.

Along with the good advice I've been given, I've gotten some pretty nasty comments, too. Here's a sampling:

You're nothing more than a self-entitled drama queen/scam artist. Heaven knows people who fit that description are out there. It's easier for them to sit back and do nothing but fish around for suckers who will fall for a sob story. If I don't know you, and you hold this view, there's little to nothing I can do to convince you otherwise. But those who have bothered to get to know me can testify that I'm a hard-working person of integrity.

Didn't you already ask for help earlier this year? Yes, I did. And people helped. And I wouldn't have thought in a million years I would still be in this awful position today. I'm doing my best to dig out of this pit, and who knows? Something could come up tomorrow. But today I'm hurting. Bad things do happen to good people—and on occasion, they keep happening.

No one thinks you're really trying. It's far easier to dismiss and ridicule someone in need than it is to help. But do me a favor: don't express your own personal opinion on the subject and try to convince me it applies to everyone. You and I both know better.

Wear a jacket; I hear the park benches are cold this time of year. Cute. The smug and snarky tone of comments like these reflects far more negatively on the person saying them than it does on me. Ponder this a moment: I was fairly well-off a little over a year ago. If this can happen to me, it can happen to you. How would you react if you made an honest plea for help, and you got this garbage instead? I'm pretty sure your response would rhyme with “truck stew.” So, Truck Stew.

If there's anyone out there who actually read this far, you're probably asking what comes next. That's the big question, and I honestly don't have an answer. All I do know is I have two weeks to figure it all out. Unless by some miracle I am able to pay my March rent in full by March 4th at the very latest, my apartment complex manager will set in motion eviction proceedings. This is my fourth threat of eviction this year.

I want to believe in miracles—and it's probably one that I'm still around today—but I can't come to expect them anymore. I'll continue to work as hard as I always have to find employment and set things right, finally. But the clock is ticking, and in all honesty I'm scared half to death. People are tired of my requests for help; I get that. But I don't know what else to do right now.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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I've had a couple people ask me to tell them in detail what's been going on with me over the past year, as it's been obvious I haven't been doing so hot. So I'm presenting here in detail exactly that. Take from it what you will. My only request is that you read all of it before commenting...and please try to hold back on any snarky comments. I just really can't deal with those right now.

It's probably TL;DR...but it's my honest presentation of what has been happening.

Keywords
male 1,108,967, wolf 181,295, cashewlou 125, essay 28
Details
Type: Writing - Document
Published: 11 years, 1 month ago
Rating: General

MD5 Hash for Page 1... Show Find Identical Posts [?]
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21 comments

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DreamAndNightmare
11 years, 1 month ago
Have you thought about online possibilities? Commissions of stories, art, music. Producing videos, people are doing reviews of games & movies, let's plays of videogames, or just funny sketches and other videos and are earning money through advertisement revenues. If you have a special talent that you might be able to apply as an online service. Or selling previous works through sites like gumroad.com or lulu.com
If you can put something together, that would be a start at least. It wont be a lot of money, but at least some will come out of it.

I wish the best of luck to you. Your website was one of the first furry sites I found, when I stumbled over the fandom years back. :)
CashewLou
11 years, 1 month ago
I don't really have all that much to offer as far as "special talents" go. I can write a little...but furries are notorious for a) not reading much and b) wanting everything for free. I can color and shade artwork, but again no one wants to pay for that, I am nowhere near good enough or fast enough to make it marketable.

As for videos and that sort of thing, I don't know that I have much to say...and I don't have a video camera, or even a microphone.
shadewing
11 years, 1 month ago
I truely wish I could help you out, Lou. Believe me, I've been in that situation, myself; the only real reason I have a roof over my head right now is because I joined the military. Even then, I still have to worry because they may discharge me because of my weight or my leg. I wish I could help you out in every way possible, but unfortunately, I can only offer my moral support and best wishes. If you need someone to rant to, drop a line in my box. I'll listen and give what insight I can.
CashewLou
11 years, 1 month ago
I think I am just about ranted out. After over a year of this, I have covered the topic pretty extensively. I appreciate the support and advice, but I feel either the job market system is broken, or I am. Either way, the result is the same.
KNIFE
11 years, 1 month ago
It's a sad sad thing when it costs more to FILE for bankruptcy than to BE in bankruptcy. I wish I could help Lou but like everyone else I'm poor as a church mouse too. For whatever it's worth you're a welcome addition to BMF with Cursed Ferret and the rest of us; hopefully it gives you a place to forget the problems you have,even if briefly, and just have a good time with friends.
CashewLou
11 years, 1 month ago
I appreciate you and CF and the Livestreams you guys present, because frankly, there has been many a night when I feel I am going to completely fall apart--and you have helped me not to do so. Unfortunately, it looks like my taking part in those evenings might soon be coming to an abrupt end.
Meergoose
11 years, 1 month ago
Here I was feeling down and then I read this. Suddenly, my problems seem pretty miniscule. My thoughts are with you, Lou. It saddens me to hear of something like this. It may feel unsettling asking for help but there is no shame in it in your case. You're doing all you can. Hopefully there will be something soon - alot of job positions have been becoming available lately now that we're getting away from the holiday slow-down.
CashewLou
11 years, 1 month ago
Unfortunately, even if I get a job today, it will likely be too late. Rent will be due in less than two weeks, and I am just not going to have it to give to them. Thereafter follows eviction, and....I just don't know what.
SenGrisane
11 years, 1 month ago
Over 2000 applications is a lot. Job hunting is one of the worst jobs of them all.
CashewLou
11 years, 1 month ago
I have poured all my effort and energy into finding work, any work, and it has come to naught. I am getting the message that I have no intrinsic worth as a person.
NewoFox
11 years, 1 month ago
But the truth is you have a lot more worth than that. Don't let our capitalist system define your value for you - It is notorious for undervaluing what it needs most. If you can make this month's rent and get another month to search (Have you tried the IRS or Telemarketing?) You might be able to pull through, depending on what your rent is at.

I know this is a scary point in your life, but now is the time to not turn on yourself.
CashewLou
11 years, 1 month ago
The simple fact of the matter is that I cannot make March's rent, let alone April's. And the money market dictating a person's worth is this country is a very ugly, but very real reality. If you don't pay your bills, you're a deadbeat, a "taker" and are subhuman garbage.
SenGrisane
11 years, 1 month ago
Well, I sent you a few bucks to help out.

Maybe you could do art for a living?
CashewLou
11 years, 1 month ago
I'm not an artist; I really can't even draw a stick figure. And no one wants coloring/shading commissions.
SenGrisane
11 years, 1 month ago
This may sound like much, but you seem to be very determined.
Maybe you can try and start learning how to draw?

It would take a lot of practise, but it may be worth it.

(Also I have seen good artists with less views and watchers. So your coloring stuff can't be that unpopular)
CashewLou
11 years, 1 month ago
Unfortunately, right now my focus is much more immediate. It could take me years to learn how to draw--and even then I am not sure I would ever be able to draw well--and I need to somehow scrape up enough to avoid eviction in less than two weeks.
SenGrisane
11 years, 1 month ago
Yes of course. It was more a long term thing.

I dunno what you could do over short term to make a quick buck.
demowolf
11 years, 1 month ago
Don't wish to compare, but i'm in the same boat of trying to find a job so I know what your feeling to some degree. My only advice is to A..if anyone in your family is still around and really cares, see if you can't shack with them for the time being until you can find work, God knows i've been with my family up til now and they are still very supportive of me finding work and not threatening to kick me out, B...take out a loan with whatever you own being the insurance for the loan. C...ask your friends again for help, who if they truly are friends will not turn their backs on you in the time you really need friends and truly help you out. My final is basically look for a temp agency or local church[they sometimes help folks find jobs] and ask them to help you find a place and quite frankly set it up pretty grim for them, your in desperate need and well you can always go back to A or C . Hope this helps.
CashewLou
11 years, 1 month ago
I addressed most of this in my essay already, but here goes:

A) No one in my family is anywhere near where I am, and even if I was able to get to them, they have already told me they either have no space or any money to take on another mouth to feed. The same goes for my friends.

B) No dice. My bank does not consider anything I own equity enough to give me a loan, and they consider me too high a risk since I am not employed.

C) I have asked my friends--and even complete strangers--for help too many times. They are either tapped out or turn a deaf ear.

I am registered with over 50 temp agencies. None of them seem compelled to actually find anyone any actual work. I follow up with them at least weekly, and their response is always, "Nope. Nothing." Wonder what they do all day to relieve their boredom...video games, perhaps.

Finally, churches don't help fags.
DD53
11 years, 1 month ago
Aww, Lou! I haven't gotten any advice or any cash to send your way.. It isn't much, but I wish you Luck! I'll be praying.
*hugs*
Your Canadian Fan. :D
MadDog
11 years, 1 month ago
I realize platitudes or empty things aren't much what you're going for, but this isn't as empty as it sounds.

Don't shut down.

When you go for a long time and things don't pan out, that can be a challenge. Been there, perhaps not to the same extent, but I have been there. And it really is weird. It's unbearably tough and then when it rains, it pours.

Nothing harder than hearing apply for the 976th time if you've applied 975.

But what I can honestly say is that the thing that I believe made the difference for me in the last four months is that I had no choice. It was sink or swim. So I applied for tons of stuff. Tons. And I have so many spam e-mails and recruiters still hitting my inbox or trying to get in touch with me. ... but I am working.

You're looking for a new way, but all I can offer is the old. If you've gotten interviews, on phone and in person, then you're most of the way there. Someone didn't bite, for whatever reason. And every successful hire is a string of no's until a yes. Viewed from a cold, realistic lens, that's it.

I don't know about you, but I hate that feeling of not being able to make it. ... So the only advice, tried and true, that I believe in, having been through this hell of two years, is that.

Do not shut down.
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