Raph glared down at his phone that was ringing for the third time in five minutes. He hadn’t even bothered to look at the caller ID to see who was so desperate to get ahold of him. But that was only because he was a little pre-occupied with some local thugs that Casey had to go ahead and make angry. As the phone rang again, Raph growled in frustration, throwing a punch and knocking one of the thugs down, jumping up onto a nearby fire escape he pulled his phone out as he made it to the rooftops. “Make it quick I’m busy.”
“Hey Raph,” Donnie’s voice came from the other end.
“Don?” Raph asked, shocked, and wanting to make sure he wasn’t just hearing things. “Why the fuck are you callin me all out of nowhere?” Raph snapped, jumping from one rooftop to another.
“Yeah I know it’s been awhile.”
“Three years is more than a while,” Raph snapped, trying not to sound bitter about the fact that he hadn’t heard from any of his brothers in so long. “So why did ya never call?”
“Well you never called either” Donnie pointed out.
“You’re right, I never did, sorry, I had no idea that it was supposed to be up to me ta keep in touch, my mistake.” Raph climbed down another fire escape, ducking through a few back yards just to make sure he lost the thugs in case they had actually decided to follow him.
“Look, I didn’t call to argue over who should have called who, all of us are in the wrong for not keeping in touch,” Donnie said, and Raph snorted.
“If we really want to point fingers, maybe we should just be blaming Leo, he was the one who left first.”
“Yes I know Leo left first.” Donnie let out a long sigh, Raph knew that none of them were happy with Leo’s abrupt trip to Japan, though at the same time none of them tried to stop him as they also knew it was something Leo had to do.
“Well, then why don’t you state your business and then call and whine to Fearless, and if ya do that, you can pass on a message from me, tell him that he’s a-”
“Raph, shut the fuck up and listen!” Donnie’s raised voice, and the fact that his passive brother actually swore at him shut Raph up instantly. “Something’s wrong with Mikey,” it was as if a switch had been flipped in his brain, Raph came to a sudden halt, his hand gripped his phone tighter as his brain registered what Donnie had just said.
“Mikey? Is he hurt?” Raph asked quickly.
“No he’s not hurt!” Donnie answered just as quickly. “Not physically anyway,” the purple banded turtle added, which did nothing to calm Raph’s sudden worry for the youngest turtle.
“Not Physically? What the fuck does that mean Don? Is he sick? Is it something life threatening?”
“No, I don’t think it’s life threatening,” Donnie answered and Raph couldn’t contain his annoyed growl.
“You don’t THINK it’s life threatening? You just said something was wrong with him, and then you say he’s not hurt, and he’s not sick-”
“RAPH!” Donnie shouted, stopping Raph’s tirade again. “He was left alone in the Lair.”
“He was left alone? That’s why you called me? You do know Mikey’s a big boy and can take care of himself, right?”
“Yes I know he can take care of himself,” Donnie was starting to sound just as frustrated as Raph felt. “But he was left alone for three years!”
Raph could practically feel all the blood draining from his face, three years, Mikey had been alone in the Lair for three years, meaning Mikey had been alone ever since the last time they had talked, which had been that horrible fight. Shaking his head, Raph focused on the problem at hand now. “I’m coming home,” Raph said.
“Yeah, you do that, I’m calling Leo next.”
“No, I’ll do it,” Raph said.
“Or you can,” Donnie thankfully didn’t argue, probably knowing that he would have better luck getting Leo to come home now.
“I’ll get his ass back to the Lair as well,” Raph promised.
“Right, okay, I’ll see you when you get back.” Donnie said, sounding relieved.
“Yeah, see ya soon,” Raph said and hung up his phone, staring down at the phone that he had carried with him for the past three years, he had thought of calling the others a few times, and had thought of calling Mikey more than once, but after the fight they had had, Raph had been sure he was the last person Mikey wanted to see, and may still be true, but Raph now needed to see the smaller turtle. He also wanted answers, as to how, and why, Mikey had been left alone so long, or why his once lover had never called any of them.
Tucking his phone back into his belt, Raph set off to the apartment he and Casey were currently staying in. He didn’t know if his human friend would be going back with him or not, but he would at least tell Casey where he was going.
-----------x
Mikey slowly opened his eyes, blinking in the dim light of the room he let out a small groan and rolled over. His head was pounding and he didn’t feel like getting out of bed just yet.
“Mikey?” Donnie’s voice broke through his sleep fogged mind and Mikey groaned again.
“Leave me alone… I’m tired,” Mikey said, hugging his pillow and burying his face in it.
“You can go back to sleep after, I promise,” Donnie said, and Mikey felt a hand placed on his shoulder. This had Mikey’s eyes snapping open instantly to stare at his purple banded brother.
“Bout time you woke up, knucklehead.” imaginary Raph said.
“What?” Mikey frowned, sitting up pushing Donnie’s hand away and looked around the room quickly. He was in fact in his room, however he didn’t remember coming in here.
“I found you in the kitchen, you weren’t responding… you just kept apologising,” Donnie sounded worried.
“Oh… weird,” Mikey said, forcing a smile though it faded quickly when Donnie moved to sit on the edge of the bed.
“Mikey, we really need to talk,” Donnie said seriously.
“We are talking dude,” Mikey said, still frowning at his purple banded brother.
“He’s not going to let this go,” imaginary Donnie said. “He’s heard you talking to us.” Mikey averted his eyes from Donnie, looking around for a possible escape. He knew his imaginary brother was right, and Donnie would never let this go, so the only real option would be to keep avoiding him.
“You were making sandwiches before,” imaginary Raph offered helpfully and Mikey grinned widely.
“Oh right! I was making food! Thanks!” Mikey said, taking Donnie by surprise as he jumped off the bed and bolted from the room.
“That was a close one,” Mikey laughed nervously as he hurried into the kitchen.
“He’s going to follow you, Donnie is very determined to get answers,” imaginary Leo said.
“Yeah, I know, but I’m also a much better ninja than he is, I’ve had years more training than him at this point!” Mikey said happily, going over to the counter where he had left his half made sandwiches. He started humming to himself as he started piling the sandwiches onto a plate.
“Mikey,” Donnie spoke from the doorway, but Mikey ignored him and continued on with his self appointed task. “Mikey, please talk to me,” Donnie pleaded, and still Mikey ignored him, until the purple banded turtle walked forward and placed something on the counter top. This small object had Mikey stopping and he stared at the broken t-phone.
“Where did you find that?” Mikey asked, the smile falling from his face.
“I found it when I was cleaning up some of the computer parts in my lab,” Donnie said. “I’m assuming you were the one who put all that stuff in there?”
“Yeah, I got stuff for you, Raph and Leo…” Mikey admitted. “If there’s anything in there you don’t want, just say the word and I’ll go toss it back in the dump,” Mikey said, now avoiding looking at the broken phone that Donnie had put on the counter.
“Mikey, what happened to your phone?” Donnie asked. “You told me you just couldn’t charge it, because the power went out.”
“Well, look at it, if this thing holds any kind of charge now, then you made probably one of the best phones in existence,” Mikey said, moving the broken thing out of the way as he slid a plate of sandwiches over toward Donnie. “Lunch is served!”
“He’s not going to let you change the subject,” imaginary Raph growled.
Mikey took a large bite out of his sandwich, trying to stop himself from replying to Raph. He knew his imaginary brother was right, he knew they all were, and Donnie wasn’t going to let this subject drop until he had the answers he was looking for. The problem was that Mikey wasn’t sure he was ready to give him those answers.
“Mikey, just talk to me, please,” Donnie said.
“Why?” Mikey asked, putting his sandwich down and locking eyes with Donnie. “Give me one good reason why I should talk to you?”
“You always talk to me,” Donnie said.
“Yeah, that was till ya walked out on him!” Imaginary Raph growled.
“You left him, abandoned him, then expect him to be happy when you return,” Imaginary Leo added.
“You claim to be his brother, you claim to be worried about him, the truth is you are only staying here now out of guilt,” imaginary Donnie snapped. And Mikey knew that his real brother couldn’t hear the voices, but Mikey felt that they were once again right.
“Thanks, I’ll handle this,” Mikey said, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath to calm himself. He was angry at Donnie, though at the same time, he really didn’t want to push his brother to leave him again.
“Mikey?” Donnie looked concerned when Mikey wasn’t talking.
“I used to talk to you, D,” Mikey said, opening his eyes to look at his taller brother again. “Three years ago, you were one of the first people I would come talk to, out of anyone. If I was having problems with Raph, I would talk to you sooner than Leo, any problem I ever had growing up, you’ve been my best friend my entire life,” Mikey said, watching as Donnie gave him a gentle smile.
“You’re mine too-”
“You USED to be my best friend,” Mikey cut him off with a growl. “That changed three years ago Don, when you up and left without a word, you didn’t even try and call!”
“Even if I tried, I clearly couldn’t have been able to get through,” Donnie indicated the broken t-phone he had put on the counter. Mikey felt the anger surge inside him.
“Don’t you dare turn this around and make it my fault!” Mikey shouted. “You never called! You’re Donnie, you’re one of the smartest people I’ve ever known in my whole life, if you wanted to contact me, you would have found a way! If you had cared at all, you would have called!”
“I did care Mikey!” Donnie argued back. “I just couldn’t be here, not after… I needed space! And I thought you were alright! You were here with Raph, you had Raph!”
“You don’t think we all needed space? Do you think I wanted to be stuck here for the last three years?” Mikey felt his throat tightening as he held back the urge to cry, three years worth of loneliness and pain coming to the surface. Three years of anger surging through him as he held himself back from doing something he would regret. He had already been responsible for the death of one family member, and no matter how upset he was, he refused to physically lash out at Donnie.
“Mikey…” Donnie began, but Mikey shook his head.
“Shut up!” Mikey snapped. “You can’t vanish for three years, then come back here and expect things to be the same, I’m letting you stay here because at the end of the day, you’re still my brother.” Mikey narrowed his eyes at Donnie. “But you have no right to come in here and demand answers, you have no right to call Raph back here, he left, making it quite clear that he never wanted to see me again.” Mikey took a deep breath calming himself further. “Now if you excuse me, I’ve got training to get to,” Mikey said, leaving his sandwich on the counter he left the kitchen.
“Way ta go Mike!” imaginary Raph cheered, and Mikey smiled.
“You did good, little brother,” imaginary Leo praised. “Let's get some training done, we’ll make today an easy one.”
“No need, I’m really worked up at the moment, I have to burn off some steam,” Mikey said as he slid into the dojo, picking up a candle close by and lighting it. Automatically his gaze traveled toward the grave marker under the tree, only to freeze when instead of the grave marker, he saw his father.
The large rat was laying on the floor, a large pool of blood had formed under him. The eyes that had once been so full of love, caring, and at times concern for the four turtles that the rat had claimed as his sons, were now dull and lifeless.
“Don’t look at it Mikey,” imaginary Donnie said.
“It will go away soon, just start training,” imaginary Leo said. Mikey nodded slowly, unable to take his eyes away from the image before him. It was a reminder that at the end of the day, he was the one that had broken his family.
Mikey easily slid into starting his first kata, the movements were not as fluid as they had once been, he no longer added his own flare to each move. It had once been nothing more than a game to him, so who cared to f he wasn't as perfect as Leo, or as strong as Raph, and at the end of the day Mikey knew he could never come close to being as smart as Donnie.
“You’ve always been the heart of this family, Mikey,” imaginary Donnie said.
“You were the one that kept us together,” imaginary Leo said, echoing the words that his real older brother had said countless times. But Mikey knew the truth now, knew that it wasn't him that kept the family together, it was never him. Splinter, their sensei, their loving father and mentor, he had been the one that held the family together.
Mikey's eyes drifted toward the grave marker once again, his movement faltered and he let out a low growl. “Start over, from the beginning,” Mikey told himself, using the stern tone of voice that he used while trying to copy Splinter.
Mikey moves back into position and started the kata again, he tried to keep his focus, but he slipped up again. “Again!” He snappe at himself.
He was off balance. “Again!”
He had put too much force into that one move. “Again!”
He couldn't focus. “Again!”
Splinter’s body wouldn't vanish, it lay there by the grave marker the lifeless eyes watching him, accusing him. “Again!”
Mikey shook his head, crumbling to the floor, sweat dripping down his face as he panted to catch his breath. “Get up, and do it again,” he hissed angrily to himself. Pushing himself to his feet he started over from the beginning once again. Never aware of the fact that Donnie was standing just inside the dojo, watching him.
Mikey finished the kata, and knew he had made one mistake after another, but he was too tired at the moment. Falling to the floor again he sat there, out of breath and muscles aching, he knew he should get up, knew he had to continue working, however he couldn’t make himself move again. Baby blue eyes were fixed on the grave marker, and the body that he could see laying there. A small sob escaped Mikey, the orange banded turtle curled up on himself, his body trembling with suppressed sobs.
“It isn’t going away, Leo, why isn’t it going away?” Mikey cried.
“Easy, it's okay Mikey, it will be okay,” imaginary Leo said. Mikey opened his eyes to stare at the grave marker again.
“Don’t look at it, Mikey,” imaginary Raph ordered. “Lookin’ only makes it worse, let us protect you,” Raph sounded almost like he was pleading with Mikey.
Mikey curled up tighter on the floor, though he couldn’t close his eyes, he couldn’t look away from the grave marker or the body of his father, no matter what his imaginary brothers said. There was a crack in the world he had created for himself, and reality was leaking through.
Something brushed against his shell and Mikey flinched, but didn’t pull away. He had no strength left, he was so tired, physically and emotionally.
“Mikey, I’m… I’m so sorry,” Donnie whispered, slowly Mikey turned his gaze toward his purple banded brother. Donnie was watching Mikey, worry and guilt written all over his face.
Mikey felt a pain he hadn’t felt in three years, the longing to be close to his brothers, to have his real brothers there with him. To feel safe and protected like he had before, when everything was still normal, when they were still a family.
“We are here with you, Mikey,” imaginary Donnie’s voice was softer than usual, as if Mikey was hearing it from a great distance. He tried to focus on it, tried to hear what else his imaginary brother was saying. But his real brother was speaking again, and Mikey focused in on him instead.
“-never going to leave again,” Donnie was saying, and Mikey blinked at him, not sure what his older brother had been saying beforehand. But he had heard the last bit loud and clear, the promise his brother was giving him. Mikey couldn't stop the tears from falling then, even if he had wanted to.
Arms were suddenly around him, pulling him up off the floor, and close to a warm body. A feeling that even the voices in his head had never been able to provide washed over him, and Mikey knew he didn’t deserve it, knew he should push Donnie away again. His older brother was dangerous, Donnie was the harsh reality that was going to eventually break through Mikey’s world.
“He needs to leave,” imaginary Leo and Raph said, their voice echoing through MIkey’s mind, and for the first time in three years, Mikey ignored them. He clung to his real brother and cried, accepted the comfort he knew he didn’t deserve, but so desperately craved.
“He’s ruining everything,” imaginary Donnie said, his voice further off than before. Mikey almost wanted to call out to him, but the voice of his real brother was so loud and clear, that Mikey couldn’t help but focus on that instead.
“Whatever’s wrong, we’ll fix it,” Donnie said, his grip tightening on Mikey as the smaller turtle curled up as close as possible to him.
---------------------x
Mikey let out a content sigh as he snuggled down further into the warmth that surrounded him, it felt nice, comforting in a way. But something in the back of his mind kept telling him that this was wrong, he shouldn’t be warm and comfy, winter was just around the corner, the lair was cold, he should be going into hibernation soon, not feeling warm wrapped up in a nice heated blanket.
Slowly blinking open baby blue eyes, Mikey winced letting out a small hiss when the bright light assaulted him. Clenching his eyes shut tightly and burying himself further under the blanket blocking the light for a moment. He opened his eyes again.
The light was still too bright, far brighter than the candles he had been using over the past year. “The power is back on, dummy,” imaginary Raph snapped and Mikey couldn’t stop the smile.
“Raph.” He let out a sigh of relief, his imaginary brother sounded angry, and Mikey couldn’t blame him. However the younger turtle was just happy to know that his imaginary brothers were still there.
“You can't just assume we're going to keep helping you, if you ignore us like that,” imaginary Leo said.
“Sorry,” Mikey apologized. “It's just...it was Splinter.”
“We know Mikey, it would have vanished if you listened to us and stopped looking, you know that makes it worse,” imaginary Leo said.
“But it wasn't going away,” Mikey argued. “I tried not looking and it was still there.”
“Mikey?”
The orange banded turtle blinked, lowering the blanket away from his face and stared up at Donnie. He hadn’t even realised his real brother was in the same room as him, and he’d been laying here talking to his imaginary brothers.
“...uh, hi,” Mikey greeted, and Donnie let out a relieved sigh.
“Hi,” Donnie greeted back, as if he was unsure of what else to day at the moment.
“Make him leave,” imaginary Leo ordered, and Mikey was shocked to hear how hostal his imaginary brother sounded. But he couldn’t answer him, not while Donnie was sitting right there.
“It doesn’t matter if you talk now, he’s heard you talking to us multiple times already!” imaginary Raph snapped. Mikey stubbornly bit down on his lower lip, refusing to talk, and refusing to make Donnie leave, he didn’t want his real brother to leave him again, because Mikey was sure he wouldn’t survive through his brother leaving again.
“Mikey, I don’t know how I can apologise to you,” Donnie said, and Mikey blinked at him in confusion. “When I left, I hadn’t even thought about what it would do to you, or to our family in general, the only thought I had was to get out of here.”
“I told you before, D. I totally understand why you guys left, I just happened to be the unlucky one that got stuck here,” Mikey said, forcing a smile.
“What did I just tell you about ignoring us,” imaginary Leo said, and Mikey flinched closing his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Mikey mumbled.
“Make him leave, he has no place here anymore,” imaginary Leo ordered, Mikey glanced back up at Donnie.
“What are you sorry for, Mikey?” Donnie asked, but Mikey shook his head quickly.
“We can’t keep you safe, while he’s still here,” imaginary Raph growled.
“I’m sorry, I can’t…” Mikey shook his head again, shifting to stand up from his bed, however Donnie reached out and stopped him.
“Mikey, please tell me what’s wrong,” Donnie requested. “I want to help you, please, let me make things up to you, you’re really starting to worry me.”
“It’s nothing Donnie, really I’m just… things are still a bit weird having you back all of a sudden,” Mikey said, and he was sure that Donnie could tell that he was lying, or at least still hiding things.
“Get rid of him!” imaginary Leo yelled.
“I can’t! He’s my brother!” Mikey shouted back, and for the third time in the last few minutes he locked eyes with Donnie. And he could practically see his brainiac brother piecing things together. “I… I gotta go,” Mikey said quickly, shoving Donnie back away from him he fled the room before the purple banded turtle could stop him again.
He couldn’t make Donnie leave, so the next best thing was for him to leave. If he left this place, ran away like all his brothers had, then maybe the pain would finally stop.
“Mikey wait!” Donnie called after him, but the smaller turtle was already up the stairs and jumping over the turnstiles, darting out into the sewers.
“You can’t abandon your home,” imaginary Leo said, though he didn’t sound as angry as he had before which made Mikey relax a little.
“Why not? They all did,” Mikeys aid.
“It’s getting colder out, you’ll go into hibernation before you came make it very far,” imaginary Leo reminded him.
“Either way, I won’t have to deal with this, I won’t have to choose between you and my real brothers,” Mikey said, rounding another corner, only to run right into a hard chest. He stumbled backward and would have fallen if strong arms hadn’t wrapped around him.
Arms that were full of familiar warmth, and the promise of protection that Mikey only remembered now in dreams. Slowly lifting his head up Mikey stared into the far to familiar eyes of his second oldest brother and former lover, Raphael.
The two of them just stood there, both frozen in place with Raph’s arms wrapped around Mikey, preventing the smaller turtle from falling to the ground. Neither of them had been prepared for the abrupt meeting, and so for that moment words failed them.
“Donnie really did call him back,” imaginary Raph growled.
“Now we have to work on getting rid of both of them,” imaginary Leo said in annoyance. “Maybe you’re right about this Mikey, leaving now would be for the best, if Raph and Donnie are back, Leo won’t be far behind,” imaginary Leo informed him.
Mikey could just nod his head in agreement, his eyes and main focus still on Raphael in front of him. He didn’t know what to say, or what he could say for that matter.
“I vote for a good punch in the head,” imaginary Raph offered as a suggestion, and one that Mikey was highly tempted to follow up on.
“Are you going to stand there and stare at me? Or give me a proper greeting?” Raph questioned, and Mikey felt anger boil up inside him.
“I can’t decide what kind of greeting would be more proper right now, normally it would have been a kiss, but right now I’m debating on telling you to fuck off or punching you in the head, which too you prefer?” Mikey asked.
Raph was clearly surprised with Mikey’s answer, the shock written plainly on his face as he slowly let the smaller turtle go. “Personally I’d prefer a kiss,” Raph said, and Mikey’s reply to that was a small growl.
“Mikey!” Donnie’s voice echoed through the tunnels just as the purple banded turtle rounded the corner. Both mikey and Raph turned to look at their other brother that had obviously been chasing Mikey down. Donnie paused staring at Mikey, then looking to see Raph standing next to him.
“Raph, you’re here,” Donnie said, letting out a small sigh, and Mikey just turned his glare onto his purple banded brother.
“Run, Mikey,” imaginary Leo ordered, and Mikey shifted his feet, getting ready to do just that.
“Mikey wait,” Donnie said, his attention snapping away from his red banded brother when he saw Mikey starting to shift away from them.
Mikey paused, his eyes still fixed on Donnie, though he was still very much aware of how close Raph was to him at the moment.
“What?” Mikey asked, waiting for Donnie to continue speaking.
“I’m not going to pressure you into talking to me, if that’s what you want, I’ll leave things alone but please, come back to the lair? Don’t run off,” Donnie said, and Mikey couldn’t help but think that his brother was pleading with him.
“He’s got some nerve askin’ ya not ta run off!” imaginary Raph snapped.
“You mean like you did?” Mikey snapped, his hands balling into fists. “I need some air,” Mikey said and turned his back on Donnie.
“Hold up there Mikey,” Raph said, reaching out to grab the smaller turtle's arm. However his hand closed around thin air as Mikey moved quickly, kicking out and taking Raph’s legs out from under him.
“And you, have no right to touch me,” the hiss that Mikey let out was almost animalistic, and in the next moment, the orange banded turtle was gone, leaving behind two stunned brothers.
“Now I see why ya called me home so urgently,” Raph said, still laying on the ground as he turned his gaze toward Donnie, the purple banded turtle however kept looking in the direction Mikey had just run off in.
TBC
